#01
For interpersonal relationships, I gradually came up with a principle that is most in line with my temperament, that is, mutual respect and closeness. I believe that all good friendships are formed naturally, not deliberately.
I also think that even the best friends should have distance, and friendships that are too lively are often empty.
What makes a kind of interaction valuable is not the interaction itself, but the respective values of the communicators.
High-quality friendship always occurs between two excellent independent personalities, and its essence is mutual sincere appreciation and respect. Therefore, it is important to make yourself truly valuable and worthy of being a high-quality friend, which is the primary contribution that a person can make to friendship.
#02
Among friends, the most important thing is respect.
Your friends have confided in you that you should keep secrets and not tell people about them. Maybe your friend has confided this secret to others, and you still have to act as if only you know it, and don't let the secret spread by you.
You must show up when your friends need you the most. However, this cannot be a reason to think that you therefore have the right to appear in front of him at any time. Even to your best friend, you don't have that right.
When your friend is in the midst of great happiness or great sorrow, you must know how to be silent and not to disturb him, which is a kind of respect and upbringing.
#03
A good friendship must contain three factors.
The first is tacit understanding. This is a tacit understanding in the depths of the soul, as if there is a kinship between two souls, so that the two sides are highly consistent in basic values, and they know each other well, all without saying. This is a premise that makes communication easy for other aspects as well.
The second is appreciation. It is the mutual appreciation between two unique personalities, and what they appreciate is the strength that they value most in each other. This advantage may be that you also have it, so you feel sorry for it; maybe you don't have it yourself, so you sincerely admire it.
The third is tolerance. In fact, as long as the first two factors are strong enough, they will naturally tolerate the shortcomings of the other party that they do not value much. If there is no tolerance, it means that the first two factors are still weak.
#04
A friend's friend must also be my friend, and a friend's enemy must be my enemy too—I despise such simple logic.
First of all, because my mind has normal thinking, it is enough to see its absurdity.
According to this logic, the friends of friends also have friends and enemies, so that there are infinite, so that I will have countless friends and countless enemies, and there must be many overlaps and overlaps between the two. I wasn't stupid enough to accept such huge and complex relationships.
Secondly, because I have a basic understanding of human nature, it is enough to see its naivety. The basis of friendship is to seek common ground while reserving differences, everyone has many faces, and the relationship between different people can be uniform, and it is natural to reserve differences. The sameness I have asked for does not exist in your friend, he is not my friend. I can tolerate the difference in your enemy, he is not my enemy.
Therefore, I only use my own eyes to distinguish between friends and enemies, and never use the eyes of others, even if this other person is my good friend.
This is the easiest and often the most reliable.
#05
People are divided into groups, and the formation of the circle of friends seems to be reasonable. I want to emphasize that the circle should be loose and amorphous, and you don't make it into an organization.
Of all interpersonal relationships, friendship is the most free, the most like-minded, the farthest from the organization, make it happen
The organization is just too bad.
As far as I'm concerned, I have many friends, but I don't belong to any circle of friends.
Of course there will be a situation where some of my friends are also friends with each other, but I am close to each of them
Departments are still very personal and not affected by their relationships.
If you feel extra relaxed in your dealings with people, and feel real lessons in ease, I am sure that you must have met your kind, even if you are engaged in very different professions.
#06
When you accept a kindness without the slightest uneasiness in your heart, you accept a friend. Conversely, if you don't accept this kindness, or if you accept it but are upset, it means that you don't approve of the other person as a friend.
This includes two possible scenarios, one is that you doubt the authenticity of its good intentions, and the other is that you have a negative evaluation of your person.
A philosopher said: Friends are like clothes, they will wear old ones, and they need to be updated from time to time. My view is the opposite: my friend happens to be one of the few old clothes that I can't afford to change.
Of course, new clothes may be worn, but whether you can become friends or not is not known until you wear the old ones.
People who always change friends frequently, in fact, there are no real friends.
#07
Friendship is tolerant. Because of this, once a friend turns against him, he is often irreparable, indicating that their differences must be very serious and have reached the point of intolerability.
It is only possible to break up friendships between good friends, and the deeper the past, the more difficult it is to repair the rift now, and it is too unnatural to maintain a general friendship. As for those who are originally only general friends, it is a two-way street to make or not to pay, and it is impossible to talk about breaking off friends.
People with extraverted personalities tend to get a lot of friends, but real friends are always very few. Introverts are lonely, and once they gain friends, it's often true.
Reading is like making friends, but with at least one exception, it is reading books that teach dating.
The art of making friends is booming, and true friends are dead.
#08
All those who stand up to the interests of friendship in the name of friendship and do not break in the end will eventually accuse each other of not having enough friends and express their indignation at the fragility of friendship.
In fact, what is the matter with friendship, the so-called friendship is false from the beginning, but it is just a mask and tool for interests.
Today's people have given it an appropriate name, called emotional investment, which is more honest, I hope people are more honest, in the investment of their own profit indicators also inform the investee.
In dealing with people, Confucius emphasized the word "faith" the most, which I think is right.
Whether or not you treat people honestly and honestly can best reflect whether a person's character is bright and upright. Even if a person has friends all over the world, as long as he has treacherous behavior toward one of them, we have every reason to doubt whether he really loves his friends, because if he thinks it is necessary, he will also betray other friends.
"Making friends without believing" can only succeed in temporary selfish desires, but it is a great failure of being a person.
This is a lonely man. One day, many lonely people in the world discovered his loneliness and competed to make friends with him. He was confused: they were convinced that I was their friend because of my loneliness, and with so many friends, I was no longer lonely, how could I still be qualified to be their friend?