Wen | smiled slightly
We all want others to respect us, especially our closest loved ones.
However, respect is not a touch, but needs to be earned and accumulated in daily life. We do not respect an old man because of his old age and wrinkles, nor do we despise a boy because he is young, we always respect and respect a man because he deserves it.
Revisiting Ang Lee's interview, I have a new feeling about "respect". The host asked Ang Lee: "What is your greatest happiness at this stage?" Unexpectedly, Ang Lee responded lightly: "My wife smiled at me, I just relaxed a little, and I would feel very happy." ”
A great director with a great reputation, his greatest happiness is to make a good movie, but his wife laughs at him. Such a simple and sincere answer, in my opinion, is not the ultimate romantic love story.
Before the age of 36, Ang Lee was obscure and depressed. But, he wins by having a good wife. His wife, Lin Huijia, respects Ang Lee's film dream and is willing to let her husband idle at home for 6 years and bear the family's financial expenses alone.
Later, Ang Lee became famous, filming "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon", "Color Ring", "Brokeback Mountain", "The Fantasy Drifting of the Young Pi" and other masterpieces of film history.
Is it successful and becomes a big director, so that you can naturally get the respect and love of your wife? No.
In an interview, Ang Lee said honestly: "I think whether it is a wife or a child, your dignity still has to be earned, any relationship, especially the relationship between husband and wife." I don't think it's important that love is not respected yet, and when you don't respect the other person, that relationship is difficult to maintain. When you are not trying, when you are lazy, when you are perfunctory, when you tell lies, he is disrespectful to you is disrespectful, you can see from the look in your eyes, not attitude, you can not force people, this is very natural. ”
Ang Lee's words hit my heart. It turns out that respect needs to be earned. If we want to get love and respect, we earn it on our own, and there is no such thing as someone else who should love you by nature, they should respect you.
This is especially true in marriages, where respect is more important than love, and a relationship without respect is doomed to be difficult to be happy. Don't think that if you are married, the old husband and wife, the partner will love you and respect you, and the marriage certificate cannot guarantee feelings, nor can it derive respect. And if you want to be happy and get the respect of your partner, then please give little by little every day, to win, to earn.
If you don't work hard, slack off, perfunctory, the respect from the heart will naturally dry up.
The famous American psychologist Eric Fromm once said, "Love without respect is control." ”
In his classic book "The Art of Love", it is clearly stated: "Respect means that one person should follow his own laws and wishes for the growth and development of another person." Respect means no exploitation. Let the beloved person grow and develop for his own purposes, not to serve me. ”
I love him not to be a tool to serve me, but to respect him as his own. Love without respect, but a control that evolves based on narcissism, is a twisted love. So how do we earn respect in intimate relationships?
A person who blindly tolerates and gives in is difficult to gain the respect of others. Around us, some women often can't figure out the importance of the bottom line and principles.
Obviously, loyalty is the bottom line of their marriage, but once the man has feelings outside of marriage. As wives, most of them choose to make a big fuss or take revenge on the man's lover, but they are soft on the man, do not abandon him, and even some will be better to the husband than the original.
For the sake of the children, for the sake of the family, it is not right to choose to blindly tolerate, without any bottom line and principles. A marriage, without respect, there will be no love, then there is no happiness to speak of.
If the other party touches your bottom line, please stand up resolutely and resist. If you are not able to take action for a while, then please remain silent, instead of bluffing, crying and making trouble, hanging, and easily compromise with the man's apology. Otherwise, the other party may think that you are a bully and will naturally not respect you.
If you want to gain the respect of the other party, please be an independent lover.
Personality independence is very important in marriage, and he determines whether you can be respected accordingly. Some people say that you can only be independent if you have economic independence. In fact, this is not the case, some people are financially independent, the spiritual level is still dependent on each other, and some people have no income for the time being, but they have the ability and confidence to master their own ability, independent enough.
Of course, if you are not a very confident and assertive woman, then it is recommended that you first pursue financial independence and give yourself the confidence and ability to divorce, although divorce may not happen in this lifetime.
Personality independence actually includes independent self-esteem, independent thinking, independent choice, and discerning right and wrong, knowing how to weigh the pros and cons, making choices calmly, and not being disturbed by the views and evaluations of others or shaking their hearts. Intimate and independent, this is the most wonderful dynamic balance of the relationship between husband and wife.
I have seen such a sentence: Whenever I feel that my love is about to enter eternity as a matter of course, it is actually the eve of the storm when the crisis is coming.
In fact, in our intersex interaction, the most taboo is to take everything for granted, such as the other party's efforts, kindness and love for you. Don't think that when you get married, your partner should naturally respect you, love you, and love you for the rest of your life. This is a fairy tale, not a reality.
The fragrant meals made by the wife are not taken for granted. The food expenses earned by the husband after a hard day's work are not blown by the wind. For the little things that your partner pays in daily life, you should learn to be grateful, and for yourself, you should do your best to work hard to win better resources, respect and love for your partner for your family.
Feelings are fluid, there is no eternal love and respect, it needs to be earned hard.
Regarding respect, Cangyang Gyatso said: "I thought others respected me because I was excellent. Slowly I understood that others respect me because others are very good, and excellent people know how to respect others. To be respectful to others is to solemnize yourself. ”
May you be a high-quality lover worthy of respect in your marriage.
Like Ang Lee, he strives every day to earn the respect of his lover and family.
Steady and happy.
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