According to research, children lie no less than adults. These include non-malicious lies, social lies, cruel lies, bona fide lies, concealed lies that hide facts to escape punishment, and lies that deliberately lie to profit or increase prestige.
In fact, no matter how you teach your children, sooner or later they will lie to you.
The older the child, the more lies the more intelligent, and the more successful the lie and the escape of punishment, the more the lie is pulled. Lying, either because of ignorance, or because of fear, or because of escaping responsibility, can cause panic among parents: "It is a matter of quality for children to lie, what can be done about this?" ”
In fact, reflecting on oneself and prescribing the right medicine is the most helpful measure for both parents and children.
This mostly happens to children under the age of 6. They often confuse imagination with reality, which is clearly their own wish, but speaks as if it were true.
Preschoolers cannot distinguish between imagination and reality, and often regard imaginary things as real things.
In the development process of their rich imagination and expressiveness, they often improvise and randomly apply the stories they hear and the things they see to real people or things after their own imagination processing, and there is no logic and untrue "lying".
However, this kind of lying of children often has no clear purpose and belongs to fantasy lying.
For this type of lie, parents should understand the expressiveness of the child's imagination. Children can be encouraged to make up some of their own stories or to play role-playing games with their children frequently.
For example, some toys at home can be used as props, and some fairy tales can be continued, so that children's imagination and creativity can be fully released, and their language expression ability can be exercised.
As parents, we should not blindly criticize and blame the child, which will damage the child's sense of creation and imagination. Do not be indifferent to the child's performance, which will make the child habitually take imaginary things as real things, resulting in children unable to distinguish between fantasy and reality, laying hidden dangers for growth.
In short, in such cases, attention should be paid to the inspiration and guidance of children.
Children not only want to do things well, but also want to make their parents and teachers happy to a large extent, so as to get more rewards. When it was difficult to succeed, in order not to disappoint the parents and teachers, they had to "lie" - "the results of this test have not yet come out", "the test is OK" and so on.
Also, children are curious about everything around them, especially the things they have just bought at home, and they have to take them by hand and look at them carefully. Often if you are not careful, you will break things. At this time, the child is nervous and afraid, afraid of his parents' reprimand and scolding, and unconsciously begins to lie. Some children will be oppressed in their hearts after doing something wrong, and they will be tempted to lie for fear of being punished.
In fact, children are not born to lie. They are innocent and straightforward by nature, they do not hide their intentions, they do not hide their emotions, they do not control their explorations, they are honest people.
But when he found that his honesty caused resentment and even punishment from his parents, he began to learn to pretend to lie. Although parents emphasize the importance of honesty intellectually many times, when it comes to a specific matter, emotions will overcome reason, so there is dissatisfaction, anger, and blame. Parents show qualities that care more about things themselves than about their children's honesty.
For this type of lying, smart parents should not blame and corporal punishment of children for no reason, but should know how to communicate with children and tell children that parents like honest children, although parents do not want him to do wrong, but parents do not want him to lie.
Then, give the child the opportunity to admit mistakes: understand the child's motivation for making mistakes, tolerate the child's wrong results, give the child the opportunity to correct, and encourage the child to take the initiative to admit the mistake and correct it.
Do not have inconsistencies in educational attitudes between parents, such as the mistake of one party to protect the child, argue in front of the child, and give the child wrong information, causing the child to continue to lie. Parents should adjust their attitude and way of handling things, give their children the opportunity to correct, and do not lose their children's trust in themselves.
Some children are accustomed to having all toys and food owned by themselves, resulting in children sometimes quietly putting their favorite kindergarten or children's toys into their own pockets.
When parents find that their children have things that do not belong to them, children will often make up some lies, such as children sending them, or picking them up themselves. This kind of purposeful lying is more serious, often accompanied by bad behaviors such as stealing and vandalism, and the harm to the child's own growth is relatively large.
This type of lie is different from the first two, and the child's lie has a clear purpose, is often thought out in advance, and in their view, lying will bring them a certain benefit or satisfaction. This type of lying is very harmful to the child's growth.
If the child is not discovered after lying, or if it is discovered but the parents do not take corresponding measures to correct it, or if it is exposed by others, the parents protect the child because of their face, etc., will promote the child's awareness of lying.
Smart parents should not let their children's "conspiracy" succeed, let him know that if they lie, there will be very serious consequences. Some parents believe that the child's lying is because he has not grown up, and allowing the child to act arbitrarily will make the child develop the habit of lying, affecting the development of the child's self-awareness and mental health.
One mother said that if a child lied, she would cut his tongue with scissors. Later the child seems to be more obedient. Some here also see this as a last resort.
However, one education expert asked: "If a child really lies, will you really cut off his tongue?"
The mother said with a straight face, "How can I do it!" Are you crazy? ”
The education expert asked, "So, are you lying to your children?" ”
Parents use lies to teach their children not to lie, which is a big joke. But in fact, many parents are unconsciously teaching their children to lie.
Case 1:
Xiaoming's father was a leading cadre. One day, Dad was watching TV when there was a doorbell ringing outside.
Dad told Xiaoming to open the door and taught him, "Daddy is not at home." Bob did.
However, he asked his father confusedly, "You are obviously at home, why do you say you are not there?" ”
Dad smiled and said, "This film is very exciting, I don't want others to disturb me." ”
Once, twice... Bob thinks that parents lying is a normal social skill, and thinks that lying is not a big mistake. Therefore, Bob learned to lie from his father.
Case 2:
In daily life, parents often easily promise in order to induce their children to do one thing, and forget it afterwards. The child's hopes are dashed, and he finds that his parents are deceiving himself and lying to him.
For example, the mother instructed her son to be obedient at the grandmother's house. If he behaves well, take him to the amusement park on Sunday.
As a result, there was a lot of chores to be done on Sundays, so the date was pushed back, and it was pushed back again and again, and it was not done. The child is disappointed that his mother's promise was not fulfilled, and is angry that he has been deceived.
The child also gets some "experience" from it: 1. In order to achieve the goal, it is okay to exaggerate a little and make promises. 2, parents are lying to themselves, they are deceived. 3. Parents' words and deeds are inconsistent. 4, parents will be untrustworthy, in the future can not fully believe their words. 5) Lying is allowed.
Strategy 1: Start with your parents.
Children's behavior and thoughts are greatly influenced by parents. They worship their parents, will subconsciously imitate their parents' actions, absorb their thoughts, and learn their attitude towards others. In this way, the child's personality, personality and quality are unconsciously formed in a subtle way. Therefore, to correct the habit of children lying, we must first start with the parents.
Strategy two: To remind parents to pay attention to the fact that children's lying is often unintentional, especially in young children, this situation often occurs.
Because children's intelligence and recognition abilities are not fully developed, they cannot clearly distinguish between what is reality and which is fantasy. Children in this period are full of fantasies in their minds, and at the same time, their memory is weak, and they often confuse one thing with another, and often tell the things they fantasize about in their minds as facts that have happened. If parents do not understand the situation, mistakenly think that such a young age will lie, or even make a big fuss and reprimand the child, it is not necessary.
Strategy Three: Remind parents that sometimes children lie under the pressure of the environment.
For example, Xiaoning took a dollar from her father's pocket to buy sticker stickers. When Dad found that the money was less, he asked Xiaoning and made a wish: "If you take it, to tell the truth, I will not beat you." ”
Xiao Ning thought that if he confessed, he would not be beaten, so he admitted. When the father learned of the child's theft, he became angry, completely forgot the promise he had made, and beat Xiao Ning.
Parents have reneged on their promises, and the next time a child encounters the same situation, he will no longer be deceived by his parents. At the same time, in order not to be beaten, I will not tell the truth.
If Xiaoning's father listens to the child's words, he can control his emotions and teach the child that stealing is wrong and should not be forgiven, but he can recognize the mistake and learn from it later, which can be forgiven. Father and son then consulted on a remedy for the mistake.
In this way, parents have fulfilled their promises, not only to encourage the child not to lie in the future, but also to correct the child's theft behavior, and to propose remedial measures, which can receive the effect of teaching and guidance.
Finally, I hope that parents can correctly understand the phenomenon of children lying, do not deal with it arbitrarily, and first find the root cause of the child's lying, in order to prescribe the right medicine and completely solve it.
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Source: Etonkids Parents College