Mention Xu Zhimo, no one knows his poetry and emotional life, mention his emotional life, no one knows the talented woman Lin Huiyin and the famous lady Lu Xiaoman. And another person, the woman who exists in his life like air, is always forgotten, that is, Zhang Youyi. In the eyes of the world, the poet Xu Zhimo is affectionate, obsessive, and affectionate, but his affectionate side is only given to the beloved woman, while for the original Zhang Youyi, Xu Zhimo only has thin feelings, absolute love, and ruthlessness, like a bystander executioner, coldly dissecting her. The life of this great poet is like a double-sided mirror, one side looking at his lover, the other looking at his wife, on the other looking at his own affection, the other looking at his own despair.
The marriage between Xu Zhimo and Zhang Youyi can only be seen as a short intersection in the lives of the two people, which has nothing to do with Xu Zhimo and has a long pain for Zhang Youyi.
Marriages rise and fall
Zhang Youyi was born in a family of eunuchs, her father was very powerful, she received a new-style education from an early age, her appearance was thick and dignified, there was no new style of celebrity lady charm, and she appeared to be solid and tenacious. At the age of 15, Zhang Youyi's brother introduced him to a rich son of a well-known family in Jiangnan, Xu Zhimo. The Zhang family engaged in politics and the Xu family engaged in business, and this marriage was a perfect match for the two families, so both parents were very satisfied, and soon the two held a wedding.
Xu Zhimo was born romantic and free, rebelled against tradition, looked at a photo of Zhang Youyi and mocked her rustic, felt that such a woman was not worthy of herself, and was very disgusted in her heart, but hindered by family arrangements, she still married her. This also laid a huge hidden danger for this marriage.
In 1918, 18-year-old Zhang Youyi gave birth to her first son, Xu Zhimo studied abroad, she stayed at home to take care of her in-laws, the two lived in two places, gathering less and leaving more. In 1920, after Xu Zhimo transferred to England, the family arranged for Zhang Youyi to take care of him. According to Zhang Youyi's recollection, Xu Zhimo was quite impatient about this. In Shaston, Zhang Youyi carefully took care of Xu Zhimo's living and soon became pregnant with her second child, but her misfortune also came - Xu Zhimo met Lin Huiyin. Lin Huiyin is multi-talented and beautiful, Xu Zhimo fell in love with her at first sight, Zhang Youyi became a burden on his love, in order to be with Lin Huiyin, Xu Zhimo ignored Zhang Youyi's pregnancy and proposed a divorce to her.
Xu Zhimo suddenly became difficult, even ignoring the faces of the children in his belly and the parents in his hometown, and the traditional Zhang Youyi was like a thunderbolt on a sunny day. At that time, the Chinese people thought that divorcing his wife was a shameful thing, and Zhang Youyi certainly did not want to agree, but Xu Zhimo had a resolute attitude and even suggested that she beat the child in her belly, and Zhang Youyi categorically refused his request. Xu Zhimo completely ignored her mood, threw her off and left.
Zhang Youyi was cheated on and divorced, and her heart was both sad and aggrieved, but before she could get down, she immediately realized a serious problem - what should she do next. Xu Zhimo lost financial support when she left, she studied in the UK is no different from a nanny, she does not speak English, has no income, has no relatives and friends around, and is pregnant...
She realized that she could not make ends meet and had to find a way to feed herself. She had two choices ahead of her—to go back to her in-laws' house or to her parents' house. But the absurd divorce farce prevented her from speaking to the old people on both sides, so she chose a third way - to turn to her brother for help.
Zhang Youyi was secretive in the end, and when she wrote to her second brother in Germany, she only said about the divorce, and did not say much about Xu Zhimo's not, and as a result, the second brother actually wrote back: "The pain of the Zhang family losing Xu Zhimo is like the loss of a concubine." Zhang Youyi originally wanted to get the second brother to say a few words of relief, but in exchange for his ridicule, as if he had insulted the lintel and cried bitterly. But she quickly put away her emotions and went to Germany alone. The road from England to Germany is long, a woman who is not in the language barrier and pregnant travels alone, the way is difficult and naturally needless to say, but she has to find a foothold with one breath.
The following year, Zhang Youyi gave birth to a son in Germany, and Xu Zhimo finally led a group of people to the door and forced her to sign a divorce on the spot, just because if she did not hurry to divorce Lin Huiyin, she would have to return to China. Zhang Youyi looked at her husband, discouraged, calmly signed the agreement, and became the first person to handle the divorce agreement in the Republic of China.
After the agreement was signed, Xu Zhimo was relieved, and his attitude towards Zhang Youyi immediately changed from an enemy to a stranger, and he also went to see the newborn child. According to Zhang Youyi's recollection, Xu Zhimo was particularly serious and sincere in looking at the child he was bent on beating through the glass window, and then he also seriously abandoned them and chased Lin Huiyin back to China.
Zhang Youyi once described her as Xu Zhimo: I am a fan in autumn, only used to drive away blood-sucking mosquitoes. When mosquitoes bit the moon, the owner tore the fan to pieces.
The ex-wife in the letter to the lover
Zhang Youyi experienced this marriage change, and her mood was very different. The words in the second brother's letter are still vivid, she knows that if she continues to be so mediocre, even her family will look down on her, let alone outsiders, so she is determined to further study in Germany. Before marrying Xu Zhimo, Zhang Youyi was also a leader in the school, and the marriage of several years was like a blocking stone, blocking her vision and future, but also allowing her to grow up.
After the divorce, Zhang Youyi stayed in Berlin, while taking care of her son and studying intensively, and achieved great success in her studies, but her younger son died before he was three years old. Zhang Youyi was grief-stricken and sent a message to Xu Zhimo. On March 26, 1925, Zhang Youyi and Xu Zhimo said goodbye at the funeral three years later.
At that time, Lin Hui was married to Liang Sicheng, and the romantic poet who abandoned his wife for love did not have much chastity, and turned to Lu Xiaoman, who had not yet divorced, and Zhang Youyi had been reborn, from an ignorant girl who only knew how to help him take care of his parents at the age of 15 to an independent and strong woman, not only had her own circle black background, but also very avant-garde in thinking, which opened Xu Zhimo's eyes.
Xu Zhimo and Lu Xiaoman
At that time, the relationship between Xu Zhimo and Lu Xiaoman had not yet been made public, and during his stay in Germany, he frequently wrote letters to Lu Xiaoman, in which zhang Youyi was described as follows:
"She waited for me today with two lines of tears, so that she would not be miserable.
Just sent Lady C back, poor mother, three-year-old child with only a handful of cold ashes left, died a week ago..."
For Zhang Youyi's performance when she lost her son, Xu Zhimo also felt that she was not as sad as the nanny at home. Xu Zhimo turned a blind eye to Zhang Youyi's resolute refusal to beat the fetus, dragged the pregnant body from England to Germany alone, and ignored Zhang Youyi's day and night protection when the child was seriously ill, firmly believing that Zhang Youyi was indifferent.
Xu Zhimo could not say that he was not cruel to his poor ex-wife and dead son, as if he were a completely unrelated stranger, a bystander, a street neighbor who talked about gossip, not a husband, a father, without the slightest blood connection of grief and pain. But he could objectively approve of Zhang Youyi, and did not use any "rustic" or other words to evaluate her, but described her as a "courageous woman", "independent", "progressive", "what to read is not afraid", he even asserted: "Zhang Youyi will throw a few bombs in the future to wake up China's rat bile society, you see!" "Exhaust the psychology of a bystander watching the play."
At the same time, he held the crystal and carefully comforted Lu Xiaoman, extremely gentle, and even the end of the letter had to be appended: "Xiao Man, I can't afford you, I received such a tragic and tedious letter, but I know that you must be angry with me to make up this sentence, because you are the most tender, where I cry you can't avoid tears, and when I sullen you can't help but sullen, don't you?" ”
Xu Zhimo can be called a typical petty bourgeoisie, top idealism, the beloved women Lin Huiyin and Lu Xiaoman are prosperous in prosperity, luxury in literature and art. He was extremely gentle with his lover, as if he were afraid of hurting her with a single breath, and did his best to protect her; while he was extremely indifferent to his ex-wife, and did not care about life or death. He thinks that the person he loves must be gentle and kind, perfect, vivid and lovely; the person he does not love is ugly and vulgar, cold and ruthless, and lifeless.
Affectionate and cool aftermath
Zhang Youyi, as Xu Zhimo said, became a woman who was not only a university teacher, but also served as a vice president of a bank and a manager of a clothing company, and developed well in both business and political circles, and was a rare career-oriented female representative in society at that time. Zhang Youyi, who was "thin-hearted", had been helping Xu Zhimo take care of his parents, raising his son alone to start a family, until he remarried in 1954 and spent his later years in front of his American family. Xu Zhimo, who had tossed half his life for his feelings, died of an air crash at the age of 34, and his remains were buried next to the tomb of his young son, who died prematurely in his early years.
In her later years, Zhang Youyi
If Xu Zhimo's feelings are the leafy trunks on the ground, seemingly flashy, streamers, and swaggering, Zhang Youyi's feelings are old roots deeply rooted in the ground, not exposed, but strong and thick, solid and reliable. The world thinks that Xu Zhimo is a talented lover, but in fact, the feelings he has sought in his life are all vain, and all his covetousness is the beauty of appearances. In contrast, Zhang Youyi is much more transparent, sees through the essence of gold and jade, returns to his own life, and has achieved himself wholeheartedly, avoiding all kinds of mysterious feelings that are dazzling but ending badly, which is not a kind of luck.