On November 28, 2021, Lu Dawson, a 25-year-old independent photographer, left his last long article on Weibo, "There is no need to erect a monument for him, only that roses bloom for him every year."
The attention of hundreds of millions of netizens has not changed his decision to jump into the sea to end his short life.
At the beginning of the long article, Lu Dawson slightly crampedly lists the multiple labels on his body.
We can all find our own shadow in it: rural, mountain children, without a happy childhood...
His suicide note unveiled the hidden diseases of hundreds of millions of families in China, plunging the entire network into endless sorrow.
His childhood, his sorrows, his pain... We've been, or are going through.
As a left-behind child, Lu Dawson has lived in various relatives' homes, and he has an awkward and uncomfortable life under the fence, afraid that he has done something wrong and said something wrong.
Even if the relatives are very good, he will subconsciously make himself more sensible, obedient, industrious, and not to cause trouble for anyone...
He expected the day he would return to his house to live with his parents sooner, so that he could be his truest and happiest self without restraint.
Those feelings of fear, uneasiness, and loss can all disappear under the comfort of parents.
It is common for rural parents to go out to work because of the compulsion of life, but it has caused serious separation trauma to Lu Dawson, who was forced to leave his parents at a young age.
In the book "12 Prototypes That Affect Your Life", the archetype of "orphan" is introduced: a child who lacks the care, protection, and cherishing of his parents when he is young and incapable of protecting himself, and who is mentally and physically threatened and insecure.
And Lu Dawson's unhappy childhood was destined to have typical orphan qualities.
The long-term interruption of emotional connection with parents, coupled with the inability to obtain stable and sensitive feedback from parents, makes Lu Dawson unable to establish the most basic sense of security and trust with people as a child.
This is something that many parents don't know, or even find difficult to understand.
They have tried their best to survive, only to let the child eat and wear warm, and have no spare energy to think about whether an unhappy childhood will affect the child's life.
This is also the source of the problem of insecurity and lack of love that many women often say.
Such a traumatic separation can cause a child like Lu Dawson to form a core belief that "he will definitely abandon me," as well as a sense of self as "I'm bad" or "I'm not worthy of love."
Later, Lu Dawson's long-awaited "return to his parents" came true.
But the naked reality shattered his beautiful imagination, and he had to bear not only the fear of separation from his parents, but also the pain of the breakdown of his parents' marriage.
Mothers who are too controlling have high expectations and high requirements for their sons.
She regards Lu Dawson as a tool to realize her dreams, and under the influence of many years, Lu Dawson is also obsessed with the pursuit of success.
Even, Lu Dawson felt deep down that "he is not good and does not deserve to live."
If he is excellent and successful, he is the medal that his parents show off to the outside; if he is more than inferior, does not follow the established path of life, and makes his parents very faceless in front of others, he will always live under the pressure of his parents, and pain, despair, and suffocation will follow.
We study hard step by step, choose popular majors, work hard to earn money to support our families, get married and have children...
Are these really the lives we want from the bottom of our hearts?
Still listening to parents, teachers, friends, and colleagues talk a lot, we believe it.
Think about it, when you were a child, what kind of person did you most want to become?
The answer to this question contains our original understanding of the world, and it is also the most primitive and authentic self.
Personally feeling her father's irresponsibility, coupled with her mother always nagging bad things about her father in Lu Dawson's ear, maybe she just wants to soothe her emotions, or maybe she is looking for an alliance.
In the case of his father's even more unreliable situation, Lu Dawson could only rely on his mother to survive, so he instinctively sided with his mother.
But children whose judgment ability is still very average cannot do the goose without leaving a trace.
In the name of giving their children a complete family, Lu Dawson's parents quarreled endlessly and suffered from each other, that is, they would not divorce.
There is no love, only endless quarrels and complaining families, and only endless harm to Deer Dawson.
He has never felt love, how can he know how to love people?
Whether it's Lu Dawson, or everyone in real life, they're actually looking for someone who will shout "I love you" to themselves.
The TV series "I Am Waiting for You in the Future" has a similar scene, in which a man stands on the top floor and shouts "No one loves me" in pain and despair.
Amid the booing of people around them, Liu Dazhi and his friends shouted "I love you" until the man gave up the idea of suicide.
We are not lazy, we do not lack the spirit and motivation to strive for a better life, and we are never afraid of difficulties and obstacles.
But we are afraid of not feeling love and support.
Many people who are determined to commit suicide are like the passage that Lu Dawson wrote in a long article — no love, no money, no motivation for life, no future.
Our life should not only work to make money and pass on the generations, but also should have a running life.
A person in the society, even if penniless, Lu Dawson did not dare to tell his family.
Not because he was afraid that his parents would worry, but because they would only say", Lu Dawson deeply realized that he could only rely on himself.
When parents repeatedly chant "poor family" and "no money at home", every extra penny will produce a deep sense of guilt.
But why can't you justifiably spend your hard-earned money?
In reality, the vast majority of people are just ordinary people who work down-to-earth to make money, cannot get rich overnight, cannot become a rich generation, or even just struggle on the level of food and clothing.
When ordinary people such as Lu Dawson, like us, are eager to respond to the high expectations of our parents and live for our parents in disguise, stress and anxiety will also arise.
We've all had similar experiences with Deer Dawson.
When I was young, I was always compared by my parents to other people's children.
When you get up at 8 o'clock, your parents will say how diligent those who get up at 6 o'clock are; the third place, your parents will say that you will learn from your classmates who are the first and second; sweeping the floor and mopping the floor will be disgusted that you are not doing well enough...
The only feeling I feel like I'm going to be is that I'm a useless waste.
As soon as you leave your job, you will call a series of calls to quickly find a new job; pursue your dreams, be frequently forced to ask "make money"; want to spend time to improve yourself, be nagged to delay getting married and have children...
Every step of life is properly arranged by parents, and we as children only need to obey.
We always think that when we were young, we had to listen to our parents because we were too young, knew too little, and were not financially independent.
When I grew up, I found that my parents were used to refusing to let go, and they were used to controlling their children's thoughts and lives as big parents.
But we are independent individuals with our own thoughts and pursuits!
Lu Dawson has also tried to change something, trying to make his parents understand himself, trying to reconcile with his parents.
He did it difficult to understand his parents, but his parents were always on top, and they refused to understand their children a little.
Hate their desire for control, hate the violence of language, hate doing things that hurt you in the name of being good for you, and even hate your parents.
At the same time, the traditional Chinese "filial piety" culture makes us feel that this is a very unfilial behavior.
On the one hand, I feel deeply sorry for my own filial piety and feel guilty; on the other hand, I feel painful and desperate about my parents' incomprehension.
Even if parents have more bad things to do, they will also raise their children to grow up, which is a matter of immeasurable merit.
We will always be the children of "you are not qualified to talk to your mother/father like this".
In the face of a long life, the 25-year-old Lu Dawson still can't find the direction, but he is forced by invisible pressure to keep working and running forward.
He also wanted to stop and think about it...
Obviously, the vast majority of parents do not approve of this practice.
They always wield small leather whips, urging children to take advantage of their youth to work hard and work harder, how much money they can earn, and they are eager for children to earn money 24 hours a day.
They don't think there's anything wrong with "996" or "007", and that the amount of money is the only measure.
As for the children saying that they are tired, hard, and afraid of death, they see it as nothing more than an excuse for laziness.
But our real feeling is that we are so tired and tired, why can't we stop and take a little rest?
Because once again we feel guilty about our parents.
It is often said that "unfortunate childhoods need a lifetime to heal", which is exactly the problem that Lu Dawson and hundreds of millions of Chinese families have encountered.
Parents' persecution, incomprehension, and non-support are the source of children's pain and despair.
Lu Dawson said, "I'm so tired, I don't want to run away anymore."
He is like the real-life version of the "black swan", he can only completely separate from the original family by hanging himself, at the cost of his life, and by dying, he can live himself.
And countless children of Chinese families are still trying to heal themselves, still on the run...
As children, we strive to become better selves, heal the wounds of childhood, and become independent and free real selves.
But the biggest difficulty in gaining independence and freedom is, when are Chinese-style parents willing to let go of their children?
Hopefully, Lu Dawson's long suicide note and death will sound a wake-up call for every parent, and it's time to really reflect on it.
May every parent love their children, and may their children meet the greatest love in the world– the love that can let go!
The above pictures come from the Internet and are infringing and deleted.