Quanzhou Anshen Psychological Hospital: Self-abuse has a long history in the history of human development. In extreme group behavior, behind the primitive cult of human beings is "self-masochism". Idealize the other person, reduce yourself to worthlessness, and pray for the other person's mercy, observation, and redemption.
Psychologists believe that masochism is associated with early trauma. Students develop abuse models in order to repair their traumatic memories early in narcissism. In the process of growing up, the hurt of narcissism will have a great impact on people's spirits, and the pathology of narcissism will become more and more obvious.
In this case, children will gradually understand that pain is the price paid for intimacy; many people form a masochistic personality because the pain they experienced in their early experiences was rewarded. For example, you stick to a marathon that's beyond your ability (when other kids go to play games) with blood and tears and are widely praised and praised; you swallow, go hungry, give your fat sister the best food, and your family praises you as "a sensible child!" ”。
It's not that "persistence" and "tolerance" are not worthy of praise, but that children are taught to take care of themselves before others. Helping others shouldn't be built on (crazy) sacrificing and hurting yourself.
However, some studies have found that girls who are abused in childhood tend to develop masochistic behavior, and boys who are abused tend to identify with the attacker and become the abuser. Boys are more likely to imitate attackers, while girls are more likely to develop a "tenacious, self-sacrificing character" in the process of abuse, and win moral victories with physical abuse — a weapon that the weak have tried every time.
And "masochism" in psychoanalysis does not mean "love of pain." People who are abused suffer because they always want things to be better, consciously or unconsciously. They hope that through their own suffering and forbearance, they will eventually get the sympathy and appreciation of others, and things will slowly get better.
Masochism doesn't have to be pathological.
But it's important to note that "masochism" doesn't have to be pathological. In a certain socio-cultural context, it is our survival strategy.
For example, in the relationship between parents and children, parents often have to give up their own interests for their children. Traditional Chinese culture is also full of stories such as "Kong Rong let the pear", and Dayu does not enter the house three times. We were taught and set an example. We should sacrifice ourselves to save others.
This is frustrating for the individual, but in a certain cultural context, it contributes to the reproduction and existence of the collective and society.
Another situation is that in order to achieve a certain goal, anyone will exhibit masochistic characteristics in a certain situation. For example, you give up your wife and children to get work done; when you go to work, your daughter cries to death (beyond her average level of sadness) and threatens you that she will throw away her toys.
"Masochism" itself is sometimes the tool we use to survive and survive.