The Seventh Division said
Mind games are about getting a twisted feeling, and life scripts are about getting an ending that's often repeated.
Teacher Xu:
TA12 prohibition theory states that a baby from birth to adulthood, usually does not accept only one kind of forbidden information, may accept 12, may only accept a few of them, for these forbidden information that can affect your happiness in life, how to deal with these forbidden information that can affect your life happiness?
1, the inaccuracy into the should. For example, "not allowed to think" has become thinking.
In this way, no matter what happens, you imply to yourself: I am now an adult, I should think, think, I can do things better; or, I can think, I can also not think, thinking or not thinking, depending on my own will, not the habit of running automatically.
This "should" hint is the pause button that prevents us from entering the old pattern of not allowing us to think. Let's get into the adult self to think, gather information, gather useful resources, make choices.
2. Use one prohibited message against another prohibited message
For example, when a person grows up, he finds that he accepts both "not being like a child" and "not being allowed to think." He found that "not allowed to think" had a greater impact on himself, so he used "not allowed to be like a child" to fight against "not allowed to think".
How? When things happen, he hints to himself in his heart that as long as I'm not like a child, I can think and solve problems well.
So all you have to do is find the prohibitions that your parents gave you when you were growing up. Then use the prohibition that has a less impact on your life to fight against the prohibition that has a greater impact on us, so as to avoid or mitigate the greater impact of the prohibition on your life.
3. Use one parent's prohibited information to counter another parent's prohibited information
When we were young, the forbidden messages that our fathers and mothers passed on to us may not be the same, the forbidden messages that our fathers may transmit are "not allowed to think", and the mother may transmit "no living". In order to live better, I can make another decision, as long as I pretend to be stupid for my father, I can not die for my mother.
This is somewhat similar to the second method, which is to choose an injunction that has less impact on us to oppose an injunction that has a greater impact on us. However, the above three ways are all ways we responded to parental prohibition of information as a child. People who accept the "no live" forbidden information will not not live, and some people will use other forbidden information to fight or transfer.
However, whether it is to use "should" to fight against forbidden information, or to use forbidden information to oppose forbidden information, it is impossible to obtain true freedom and achieve true transcendence of life.
For example, if a person uses "no closeness" to "no living", he makes the decision that as long as I am not close to anyone, I can survive. Such a person, giving others the impression of being alienated and difficult to deal with, he will not share his emotions, it is difficult to give comfort to others, and accept the comfort of others, when entering intimate relationships, there will be problems.
When he feels lonely or lacks comfort, he may show closeness to others, but when others are really close to him, he will unconsciously reject the other party, or deliberately do something to challenge the other party's bottom line, and then be rejected by others, and eventually mess up the relationship. At this point, his little professor of the child's self would be relieved, and now I can live.
From his point of view, he can only enjoy a truly healthy intimate relationship if he completely removes the forbidden message of "no living". Therefore, he had to make a new decision: I would live no matter what, so that he could achieve true intimacy.
After all, the ultimate purpose of life is to achieve the transcendence and growth of life, so to remove the influence of forbidden information, we still have to do this:
First of all, you have to realize that forbidden information is an old pattern formed by our interaction with our parents as a child, and these old patterns, the old way of thinking, are outdated and unsuitable.
Teacher Wang once shared that the college's tablet will be updated every day, if you do not update, you can only watch the previous news, only updated, in order to understand the new dynamics of the college, in order to see the latest news of the college.
The same is true of the human brain, only by constantly updating and iterating, can we maintain good performance.
How do I update it?
It is to replace the old patterns of the past with new habits and new modes of thinking.
In the past, when encountering things, you will not think, your thinking is updated, iterate, and you will think about everything first and then make a decision;
In the past, we did not dare to be important, and after the brain thinking is renewed, you will want to become important, and think of ways to become important;
In the past, you couldn't be yourself, and after the brain is renewed, you know that you can not only be yourself, but also be the best version of yourself, and find ways to become a better version of yourself, give action, and make efforts;
Most importantly, when you renew your brain, you will gradually have permission to deal with all the prohibitions that affect our happiness in life.
What makes the difference with a license?
For example, "not allowed to think": I can think, I can also not think, thinking or not thinking, depending on my own will, not the habit of running automatically. This permission to "can" will allow us to enter into awareness, into the thinking of the adult self.
Therefore, the most important thing is that you have to continue to learn TA, practice well, reflect and perceive well, constantly update your brain, and let your thinking mode and behavior mode iteratively develop.
Teacher Gao Deming once said a sentence: TA leads everyone to see the truth of life, when you find that you see the truth of life, your attitude towards people and things will change, you will rethink your childhood, re-understand the feelings, emotions, life goals of a true self, and then develop a deep understanding of love, and your world will be really beautiful and full of goodwill.
May your world always be true and beautiful, full of goodwill!
Learn TA, help grow, love language to accompany you!