It has been a while since he graduated and come to Guangzhou, during which Chen Cheng ate alone, went to work alone, watched movies alone, and went to KTV alone...
Occasionally on the weekend, one or two friends pass by the urban village where Chen Cheng lives, they come to a late-night barbecue and beer, under the action of alcohol, on the roadside noisy voices and dim street lamps, ridiculing their feelings, their own lives and their own work, the words cover up the vague uneasiness about the future, as if hiding everything in the hip-hop, there will be no worry, just like this to live a lively weekend.
Like a set-up procedure, Chen Cheng got up tired on Monday morning, dozed off and squeezed the bus and then the subway, as if it had never happened, only a slight stinging brain, reminding of last night's slight drunkenness and ugliness.
Yes, most of us are actually salted fish now, but it is not that there is no dream, but these two words, combined together, are like the sunshine at the exit of the hole, dazzling and warm to the point that we feel really unworthy.
While comforting himself, when he succeeded, he stepped out of the cave entrance, and then embraced the sunlight at the mouth of the cave, while turning around and walking deeper into the ground, and then, just like this, I don't know if I can find this hole in my life.
Chen Cheng's company, at the end of the year, one after another people want to leave, I still remember when they joined, they were all glowing, they were all eager to try with a show of fists and feet, but now the people who are ready to leave are scattered, a little sad, only a good feeling of gathering and dispersing.
Obviously accompanied the company through a very difficult beginning.
Chen Cheng didn't know when they started to feel that they were not suitable for here, how long they doubted themselves, and then made the decision to leave. However, Chen Cheng knew that they must have been disappointed and confused.
He still remembered that when he had just finished cleaning up the school dormitory, one person, one suitcase, and one computer, he was full of energy and sent to Guangzhou.
Where the interview company is, I will go to live nearby, get lost while relying on the charging treasure to charge the mobile phone and navigate to the interview.
Compared with most of his classmates at the school, Chen Cheng of the university is busy with various computer competitions, from algorithms to various practical application development. After 4 years, he has a resume listing various computer competition awards and school-enterprise cooperation between the university and the state.
He even proudly prepared the story of how he paid for the school bus in full on his own, and the 4-year college travel expenses.
For the invitation to the interview, the same batch of students in the school, he has a much higher chance of being seen.
During the period, several relatives in the family introduced jobs, saying that in the past, directly entering the company was a good job with more money and less people.
He didn't think much of it, felt that his family didn't believe in him, and felt that his family was overly worried.
Facts have proved that Chen Cheng regards Guangzhou, a city of reinforced concrete, and all kinds of people here, too simple.
Because the newborn calf is not afraid of death, thinking of a good company to try the feeling, he constantly changes accommodation, constantly interviewing, which feels like the final results of the college entrance examination know that he can't go to Tsinghua Peking University, or want to fill in the volunteer, counted as the pursuit of a great sage in Rulai's hand to leave a "visit here" of the pleasure.
In the meantime, there are also companies that talk well, but when talking about salary with HR, they use a casual tone to say that you have just graduated, but the salary will not be too high, which probably means that in the same group of people, you are still experienced, no training, new people give you opportunities, half of the money we want you.
Just out of school, the blood is still there, Chen Cheng can understand these hints, young and vigorous he refused, here is not left grandpa himself left.
However, having been living outside and refusing assistance from home, he slowly began to have headaches for money. If he didn't want to stay, he would have to go home.
The city Chen Cheng chose after graduation is Guangzhou, this reinforced concrete monster is known as the demon capital, in the eyes of others may be a small barbarian waist plus pearl river night tour.
Every friend who has just come to Guangzhou is asking what is the most distinctive thing in Guangzhou, he is following the online route, small waist to the upper and lower nine to Beijing Road to the night tour of the Pearl River.
But, the people who actually live and work here, know, it's not.
If you want to experience the most distinctive Guangzhou, take them to experience the subway death line 3 during rush hour, and it is best to get on the train at The West Tiyu Road Station, which is known as Hell West.
Don't think it's over, in fact, no, another crowd on the bus can squeeze the bus the wildest bus in history, under the harvest of blood, tourists will definitely love Guangzhou.
Just came to Guangzhou, as a small white, Chen Cheng is very Sven, especially in the matter of squeezing the bus, thinking that it is okay, let themselves let go, they look more anxious, can make the next trip. He still couldn't forget the chagrin of wanting to smoke a big mouth for this Sven.
Don't think you can take a taxi? No, it was impossible, the taxi that had gone away in the dust, in the eyes of the anxiously waiting people to go to work, was as dirty as two hundred and fifty or eighty thousand.
Chen Cheng also understood that supply outstrips demand.
Then open the ride-hailing software, there are three-digit people waiting in front, the expected waiting time is 1 hour, but there is no word to choke, look up at the next door, eye contact, confirm the eyes, are taxi can not hit the people.
Yes, on the first day of work, he was gorgeously late. All he had in mind was over, to give his colleagues the impression that I was not serious.
In this city, the trumpet of daily life competition, starting from the subway bus, begins to blow.
Humble Jean, in this populous place, is late at rush hour, and this is the first lesson he learned.
For the first time, I felt that the city of Guangzhou was a small steel monster with a big mouth of blood, and he was not Ultraman, he was just an ordinary person who didn't know where to hide.
In the end, the bread was gone, and the youthful spirit was gone, and according to Chen Cheng's words, he chose to sell himself cheaply.
He entered a listed outsourcing company, rapid team cooperation development, just half a year, 3 public accounts, a mall development, single break, high pressure work, he began to accumulate enough bread, reminding himself that he only did it just to stay, he was not a compromise.
In addition to work, there are also a group of seniors here, who know that Chen Cheng's salary is young and young, and they have spoiled him into a group pet, and they have taken him with them in their free time to eat and play, so that he has a little sense of belonging.
The mobility of the personnel of the outsourcing company is relatively large, and slowly a table of people eat together, one by one disappears, leaving Chen Cheng a bowl of one person and a pair of chopsticks.
Newcomers keep coming in, no morning greetings, no stairwell waiting for Chen Cheng, no crowded bus together, together with the needs of them, Chen Cheng decided to leave the company.
As time passes, old people keep leaving and new people keep coming in. Finally, Chen Cheng also submitted the resignation letter that I had put in the computer bag for a long time, ending the job of changing opportunities.
In the next job, Chen Cheng hid the deeds in the school from the beginning of the interview, and the resume did not mention the past glory, just to remove the so-called "student spirit". He is even willing to cut some money and put on an attitude that HR likes.
From the phone call to come = he interviewed to the induction, he didn't deliberately cover up all the shortcomings and didn't please anyone.
When he comes in, he wants to work well, go to work, go back, cut work and life as far apart as possible, and slowly think about how to be a professional.
Most importantly, Chen Cheng decided in his heart not to become friends with any of his colleagues.
After all, it is just a hurried passer-by here.
Until the company moved, the technology and other departments together, the same space office. Because he sat on the edge of the aisle and liked to tinker with some machines, he began to be asked by different people to help, and slowly saw the working status of various people, he began to be curious, and had an initial sense of belonging to this new company.
Among them was a colleague from the North who followed his boss to the company from scratch. Chen Cheng did not know what to do, this colleague brought wine from home to Guangzhou to attend that party, colleague said that this company he thinks Chen Cheng is quite playful, said to make a friend.
Maybe it was because of alcohol, or maybe he really needed friends, Chen Cheng casually said good, until now, even if the colleague went back to Chongqing, they were still very good brothers.
Of course, they really become friends.
Love a place, always because there are people who like it.
Later, Chen Cheng found that it was impossible to stay in the same place without intersection at all, and he gave up the requirement of not being a friend in his heart, although he understood that everyone would definitely leave again for different reasons.
Just like what is written in "The Little Prince", the specific text is not remembered, and the meaning of the text is probably that since you have chosen to meet, you must bear the pain of separation.
Wan Wan did not expect that the experience of this cheap labor force would end not with Chen Cheng's anger, but with his inexplicable sense of loss.
Among them was a colleague named L, Chen Cheng remembered the first time he saw him, he accompanied his superiors to meet the needs, in that small conference room, he had a appearance that did not match his actual age, plus a pair of agile eyes, and his whole body exuded a momentum.
Later they became friends, and as time passed, the number of his circle of friends continued to decrease along with his momentum.
Chen Cheng witnessed his continuous smoking, the inner tiredness from the soul out of the body, his circle of friends did not have his own comic selfie, no praise for his girlfriend, no love for a cat and two dogs, no ridicule of the pain of life.
Finally one day at the top of the stairs, he smoked a cigarette and Chen Cheng said that he was leaving, he wanted to go to Tibet, he wanted to go there and become a small civil servant. Chen Cheng found that he spoke cautiously, and in his dark pupils, there was a glimmer of yearning for the future that he had not seen for a long time.
Chen Cheng was inexplicably a little distressed, because this friend who smoked 1906, when he said that he wanted to go to Tibet, his eyes subconsciously hid.
This northern child who is working hard in the south, this child from a place where it snows in winter, a child who eats dumplings on the winter solstice. In Guangzhou, even if he said he was leaving, he also carried an inexplicable apology. Whether it was for himself or for the team, Chen Cheng did not know.
But the dream of going to Tibet, this child who grew up in the north and grew up in a different environment from Chen Cheng, just to say, he has not been able to be firm. In the eyes of Chen Cheng, a southerner, this is too different from the north.
Why does it become so non-committal to mention dreams, and it is only a short-term dream? Chen Cheng began to think, think, or did not understand.
Perhaps, we who have just stepped out of society, those of us who once held the original intention of cultivating a harvest, are really facing the flood beast of society that does not follow the routine, hiding from zeng shivering and hard to the point of scales.
When I began to doubt the meaning of the so-called effort, the pure to the beautiful original intention of diligence, it was crushed by reality little by little, it was like a small piece of glass scattered in the blood vessels, with each heartbeat, cutting every inch of the blood passed, although not fatal, but really painful, really tortured.
Chen Cheng began to think, when, there is a dream need threshold, when he was a child, he could say loudly in the classroom, the dream is to be a scientist, the dream is to be an astronaut, he does not feel ashamed at all, and he is afraid that his dream is too small and will be looked down upon.
Now, the bigger it is, the more I dare not say it. Is it to be realistic?
However, how does Chen Cheng feel that this is an excuse for everyone to accept reality, and in his heart is actually what the old population calls confession of life, which is an evasive behavior that is helpless to compromise with reality.
The city of Guangzhou has swallowed up many dreams and achieved many dreams.
Floating in Guangzhou, but also a long time to drift, there are still many things to face, Chen Cheng hopes to live up to this time, not to fall into the light.
The bus arrived again, Chen Cheng had just finished writing today's work log, looking at this familiar moonlight, he still felt that the city was very strange.
"Maybe to eliminate this strangeness, only my own strength is getting stronger, I still have to work hard." He thought.