After getting married and having children, we have multiple identities such as "wife", "mother", "daughter-in-law", etc., and many of them are involuntarily
Author | Leaf yay
"After becoming a mother, I obviously have a husband and a child, but I feel even more lonely."
At 1:00 a.m., after posting this circle of friends that only I could see, I finally couldn't help but burst into tears.
After 6 years of marriage, I have not returned to my mother's house for the New Year.
In the spring of the first year, the husband said that he had just gotten married and would definitely live in the in-laws' house, so that he would have the appearance of a daughter-in-law;
The next year, pregnant, the pregnancy is serious, naturally can not return to the mother's home;
In the third year, Not long after Dabao was born, he was too young to be suitable for long-distance bumps, and everyone did not mention the matter of returning to his mother's house for the New Year;
In the fourth year, coinciding with the first year of the sister-in-law's marriage, the mother-in-law was not in good health, it was inconvenient to handle the Chinese New Year's Eve meal, and as a daughter-in-law, I had to stay in the in-laws' house for the New Year;
In the fifth year, due to the epidemic, coupled with the unexpected pregnancy of the second child, naturally did not return;
In the sixth year of this year, it was not easy to say goodbye to her husband a few days ago, and I wanted to take my two children back to my mother's house for the New Year, but near the end of the year, Erbao suddenly had a cold and fever.
Looking at the Chinese New Year's Eve getting closer and closer, on the one hand were old parents thousands of kilometers away, on the other side were sick and uncomfortable children, I had to call back my parents...
Listening to the other end of the phone, my father could not hide the comfort of disappointment, and my mother choked up the advice, I finally realized:
Why is it that there are always people who say that when a child is born, many relationships die.
I once heard a distantly married mother share her own personal story:
"Mother's family in Wuhan, in-laws' Shanxi."
As long as there is time, the traffic is so developed now, you can go back to your mother's house at any time. This is what my husband said to my parents when he asked me to marry me.
But since 2013, they have been married for 9 years.
During this period, the number of times I returned to my mother's house was countless, and each time I came and went in a hurry.
Today, I am a mother of two children, because of the impact of the epidemic, and it is too far away, returning to my mother's home has become a luxury.
In addition to coaxing children every day, it is to coax children, and after exertion, they especially want to eat hot dry noodles made by their mothers, and they can only stay in 'thinking'.
Whenever I have the idea of wanting to return to my mother's house, I can look at the two children who are still young next to me, think about the exhaustion of the road with their bumps along the way, and the time and money consumption required for a trip back and forth, I can't help but silently dispel my thoughts.
After marrying someone, especially when you are a mother, you are helpless. ”
After having children, returning to the mother's home has become more and more of a luxury.
Only when I have experienced it myself, I know the unspeakable heartache behind it.
When we become a mother, there are many things to be busy, and we inevitably have to sacrifice our emotions and needs to accommodate our families and children, and "can't go back to our mother's home" is just a small microcosm.
The more the "mother" of this heavy identity, there is also an extra involuntariness.
Can't help but think of a scene in "Please Answer 1988":
Zheng Huan's mother was ready to go back to her mother's house, but before leaving, she couldn't rest assured that she was at home.
Although she had done everything in her power to make everything for her two children and husband, she was still uneasy.
She repeatedly stressed to them how to eat food in the refrigerator, how much water to put in hot meals, where to change clothes...
At that moment, looking at this worried mother, I understood:
Once we are given the title of "mother", our roles are different, the focus of life is also changed, and the choices are different.
Only because we are no longer just the daughters of anyone, but the wives of husbands, the daughters-in-law of in-laws, and more importantly, the mothers of their children.
Remember a very popular passage on the Internet:
"In this place of the mother's family, the son-in-law wants to leave after eating; the child wants to leave when he comes to play; only the daughter-in-law comes, and she can't stay if she wants to stay."
Let's go, think of your parents; don't go, there's a home over there..."
After reading it, it was moving.
After becoming a mother, we seem to be often faced with emotional choices.
On the one hand, the children and the in-laws, on the other hand, the parents and the mother's family, it is difficult to have both, and can only be indebted.
In Guangzhou, Guangdong Province, a daughter who was married far away has not returned to her mother's home for several years.
This time, she suddenly returned to her mother's house, ready to surprise her old parents, but she did not think about it, but her father did not recognize her at all with a confused face.
It wasn't until the mother watched her for half a day, recognized her, smiled and ran to her daughter, that the father was slow to react.
In the comment area, the comments of netizens made people can't help but cry:
"He also wants to recognize his daughter, and he also wants to see her usually, but what can he do?"
"You can be a qualified mother, a qualified wife, a qualified daughter-in-law, but you can't be a qualified daughter!"
I think that although the daughter in the video is laughing, her heart must be full of bitterness and guilt!
Only after really becoming a mother will we understand that what we owe most is our parents.
I think of a blogger's confession:
For love, she married 3,000 kilometers away from another country, and did not return to her mother's house for the New Year for 7 consecutive years.
That year's Spring Festival, she originally planned to return to her mother's house for the New Year.
Her parents were very happy to hear it, and they were busy doing New Year goods for more than half a month in advance, preparing a lot of snacks that she loved to eat, and her mother also personally pickled her favorite bacon and sausages.
As a result, a few days before the Chinese New Year's Eve, the child fell ill, and she was also persuaded by her husband to stay at her in-laws' house.
She still remembers the sudden choking sound of her mother when she called to say she wouldn't go home for the New Year.
But despite this, in order not to let her daughter worry, the mother still squeezed out a smile and said cheerfully:
"It's okay, you don't come back just so I'm going out with your dad to walk around and play, the two of you still have to be busy, and you'll come back when you're empty."
But in fact, she knows that there is a so-called out to go out and play!
Every year Chinese New Year's Eve they are the two of them, cold and cold to eat a simple light meal.
She told herself in her heart:
"Next year, next year, I must go back to my mother's house for the New Year."
However, at the end of the next year, my mother died unexpectedly.
Her regrets can never be made up, and the self-blame and guilt in her heart will always torment her.
At the end, the blogger also forced a smile and joked:
"It's better to have a boy, son, daughter-in-law, and grandson get together, this is the taste of the year, don't have to wait for your daughter to come home, and don't have to leave eternal regrets." 」
In the tone, there is unspeakable bitterness and sadness.
As one mom said in a message:
"After becoming a mother, I felt more and more that I owed too much to my parents, I was raised for more than twenty years, I did not let my parents enjoy the blessings, and after having a baby, I cared less and less about my parents, and I also had to let my parents take special care of them."
After marrying someone and having children, they have their own small family, and they can't often go back to their mother's house, and they always feel sorry for their parents who raised themselves.
We are too busy to be a good wife, a good daughter-in-law, a good mother, but we forget to be a good daughter.
But after we got married, our parents became more and more "instigated" and more and more sensible.
Obviously, I hope to spend the New Year with my daughter, but I have to hold back my tears and pretend to be relaxed, afraid of making my daughter embarrassed in my in-laws' house.
It was not easy for the daughter and son-in-law to come, and the good wine and good dishes were waiting, lest their daughter be wronged on the son-in-law's side.
And such increasingly "humble" parents also make us more distressed and guilty.
Watched a video:
A girl shares the look of her mother and returning to her mother's house.
Mom sat lazily in a chair, eating bananas comfortably, her legs still dangling.
The sunlight shines through the window and on the mother, reflecting a good look of the years.
The mother at that moment was like going back to her teenage years.
A woman, from the moment she put on her wedding dress and sat in the wedding car, she bid farewell to her familiar family and relatives and friends, and eventually became someone else's wife, daughter-in-law, and mother.
But before she became a wife and mother, she was also pampered in the palm of her hand, living a leisurely and carefree life that was not polished by the chai rice oil and salt of life!
Some people say that a woman's life must at least switch back and forth between the three roles of wife, mother, and daughter-in-law, so after a girl gets married, it seems that it is difficult to be herself again.
It is precisely because of this that we will be obsessed and full of expectations for returning to our mother's home.
Because only when we return to our mother's house will we feel like a child, not someone's daughter-in-law, not anyone's wife, just our parents' children.
There is a girl Xiaojing, who married from Yunnan to Jiangsu, for 13 years.
Every Spring Festival, her husband offered to go back to her mother's house in Yunnan for the New Year with her.
Accompany her parents, walk away relatives, and accompany her to relive the style of her hometown.
Thousands of miles of road is not easy, but whether it is a plane or a train, her husband has never been troublesome.
You see, how easy is it to make a mom happy and satisfied? It is enough to accompany her back to her mother's house!
Remember, there was a question on the Internet: "What will a man who really loves you do?" ”
One answer was particularly good:
"I must love my wife more after marriage than before marriage, and I must not wronged a woman in the matter of going home for the New Year."
So dear dads,
This year's New Year, please bring your children, bring your heart, and accompany your wife back to your mother's house!
Let her become your wife, become the mother of the child, and then be the little girl in the palm of her parents' hands again.
Click "like it", I hope that every mother will always be the happy and beautiful "child" in the beginning.