1. The wife and husband quarrel and sleep in separate rooms. In the middle of the night, my wife quietly came in with a pair of scissors, cut a big hole in the mosquito net, and said to herself: Let the mosquitoes bite you! An hour later, the wife came again

1. The wife and husband quarrel and sleep in separate rooms. In the middle of the night, my wife quietly came in with a pair of scissors, cut a big hole in the mosquito net, and said to herself: Let the mosquitoes bite you! An hour later, the wife came again and took the tape to glue the mosquito net. My husband was very touched: my wife knife mouth tofu heart, or it hurt me a lot! Just when I wanted to say something, I listened to my wife say to myself: The mosquitoes are almost in, and they can't let them run...

2. A couple goes on a trip and accidentally has a car accident, the husband is not hindered, the wife is seriously injured and faces death, the husband is holding his wife's hand in front of the bed and twitching his body, wife: Can you promise me one thing? Husband: I promise you everything. Wife: You fuck, don't laugh so happy okay?

In the prison, the guards said to the prisoners, "Your wife sees you coming." The prisoner asked, "What is her name?" Prison guard: "Don't you even know your wife's name?" The prisoner replied, "Don't you know that I am guilty of bigamy?" ”

3． The girlfriend is happy and accustomed to being alone, and after having a child, she becomes irritable and depressed, and can't sleep all day. The doctor of the clinic advised her: "Because of your child, you are always worried and in a bad mood, I will prescribe you some tranquilizers, don't worry too much about your child, he will understand things slowly." About a month later, the clinic doctor met his girlfriend again. The doctor asked, "What is the effect of the medicine you took?" The girlfriend replied, "Well, it works very well." The doctor then asked, "What about your children, is there any progress?" Girlfriend: "Who cares about him, who cares who cares?" ”

4． After my wife returned from a business trip, I didn't know who had infected the fox stink. I couldn't stand it, so I moved to my mom's house for a few days. I just had dinner today and I sat in front of the computer playing League of Legends. Mom began to nag: "You sit by the computer every day after eating, what kind of fat are you?" After eating, go out for a walk and exercise. I smiled at my mother: "Exercise can't lose weight, you look at you, all day long, a mouth has not stopped, but your chin is not the same three layers?" The old mother was anxious: "Old lady that is a muscle chin." ”

5. Recently, my wife had to learn to cook on a whim, and as a result, when she poured oil, she burned her hands. Wife: "Husband, my hand is burned, it hurts!" Me: "Didn't you tell you that toothpaste can relieve pain?" Wife: "I know, but I have already taken a tube of toothpaste, and it still hurts!" Me: "Mom, let's go to the hospital first and see our brains..."

6. When I was a freshman, my buddies started chasing school flowers, and it has been almost five years now. During the confession several times, the school flower did not agree, saying that the buddies were naïve. Tonight, the four of us were drinking, and he was very drunk and was going to go to the school flower to confess. When I arrived at the door of the school flower, I confessed to the school flower, and the school flower smiled and agreed. Then the buddy actually said: We have found the wrong person, she will not agree with me...

7． Secretly used the poor student bursary to buy a king glory full of inscriptions full of skin number, back home can not wait to play. My mother slapped me when she came home from work and just entered my room, and she grabbed my ear and went to the living room and said, "Look at the peanut shells you eat!" I quickly broke free of my mother's clutches: "Oh, this is not what I eat." The old mother said: "If it is not what you eat, who else can eat, it can't be a dog!" "So I threw a peanut at the dog, and he grabbed it, bit it, spit it out, ate the peanut kernels, and did it all in one go!"

8． Last night, I made braised pork, and my daughter-in-law was about to stretch out her chopsticks to clip it, when my son on the side stopped: "Mom, aren't you losing weight?" You can't eat fatty meat! "The daughter-in-law was helpless, so she could only give up and eat green vegetables." Then my son put a few large pieces of fat meat into my bowl in a row, and I was touching my son to know that it hurt people! The son came and said, "Mom, let your father eat the fat, he's fat, those aunts outside will definitely not like him, it's safe."

9. Twenty-nine years old this year, reduced to an elderly leftover woman, the mother gave the order to die, this blind date, must be taken. I was a little nervous at the beginning, and I stuttered a bit. Look at me like this, the other party talked about the troubles of childhood, speaking of funny, I wanted to cover my mouth to show a lady's style, who knew that covering too tightly, the air all spewed out from the nostrils, blew a big snot bubble, poke can not be popped, the result can be imagined...

10. Today I finally planned to propose to my girlfriend of two years, and for romance I put the ring in her bowl. When she was halfway through the meal, my girlfriend finally found out, but unlike what I thought, she angrily called the waiter and asked: How does your shop ensure hygiene? What's even more excessive is that the waiter also apologized solemnly that he accidentally dropped it, and I said dude, can we not do this? Fortunately, the brother has the habit of bringing invoices, otherwise Lao Tzu could be angry today! 

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