As long as you are willing, life will never start too late.
01 Chase your dreams
When I was nineteen years old, in order to reduce the burden on my family, with a little purity and innocence, I entered the society with a dream.
When I first entered the society, I did not have the eyes to be low, and found a job that could support myself and have spare money. The work is very hard, every day on the twelve or three hours of work, because it is a piece of pay, many times to the end of the work time, I am reluctant to leave the post, stay for one more minute and more income.
The children of poor families seem to be more sensible, and every month, in addition to the necessary living expenses, I send my excess salary back to my hometown to supplement the family. I feel a sense of accomplishment when I think of the joy on my father's face when he received the money order. I can finally change the family situation with my own ability and share the life for my parents.
I knew that my diploma was not high, the high and low beds in the dormitory building, I slept on the lower bunk, the upper bunk was full of my books, all kinds of notes, and I dreamed of returning to school one day.
The dormitories are all roommates from all over the world, and the level of education is generally not high.
There was a Guizhou girl, whose name I still remember, who slept in the bed next to me, and we had a good relationship at that time. She was beautiful and sincere, but she had no culture and could only recognize a few simple words. Listening to her story, she had no mother when she was very young, her father raised four of their sisters alone, the family was very poor, and she had only been to school for a few days. Every time she sent money to her home, she had to ask me for help in writing letters and remittance slips. Every time I helped her write it, I would read the address on the envelope to her and reassure her that I had sent it to her. From the look in her eyes, she was very envious of us for having a bit of culture.
Usually in the dormitory, I was quiet and slightly bookish, and when they were playing, I silently hid in the corner and looked at the book. Over time, I became a different kind of person in their eyes, and I also became a "Wen" person in their eyes.
This simple and calm day lasted for more than a year. At the age of twenty, he, my now husband, intruded into my life.
Like most girls, I long for love, and I think of love as sacred and great.
However, the gentleman is a straight man, does not understand romance, and has no sweet words. But he was very caring to me, took good care of me, always gave me help when I was lonely and helpless, and made me feel warmer than ever when I was alone in a foreign country.
In this way, the two hearts got closer and closer, and we quickly fell in love. With no ring, no house, no dowry we married naked.
After marriage, we lived in a rented hut of more than a dozen square meters. The room was small and I cleaned it up and tidy. As before, I insisted on reading and studying, and my husband was very supportive of me.
In the morning, he made breakfast and I memorized English words. After eating breakfast, we went to work together, we all worked hard to work, and the little life was simple and happy.
Until the arrival of the daughter, the original peace of life was broken, and the family of two became a family of three.
We didn't have any training to go straight to work as parents. In the face of children crying, in the face of children often sick, in the face of no one to help me with children... My life suddenly became a chicken feather.
The child's milk powder money, the diaper is not wet, and the burden of the family's life is on the head of the husband alone. Especially when the child is young, he travels to and from the hospital for three days and two ends, and sometimes the husband's salary is spent at the beginning of the month.
At that time, I took the children during the day, and I also took time to do some manual work to supplement the family, exhausted, and my life was trivial and poor. Where is there still time to read! Every day, I open my eyes and calculate how to save this month's income to last until the end of the month. I had to sell my dream into chai rice oil and salt.
I am a daughter who is far married, and my parents strongly opposed it, but I stubbornly made my own decision. I didn't want my parents to worry about me, I didn't want them to know that I was living in such a mess. In front of my parents, I never reported good news and not worry, and I always wanted to be the pride of my parents. My father was an alcoholic, and even in the hardest days, I didn't miss my father's monthly wine money.
I earn some living expenses while taking the baby, and my husband also works very hard. In those most helpless days, I did not think of sending my daughter back to my hometown to become a left-behind child, and looking back now, this is the most correct thing I have done so far.
02 Lost Days
As the children grew up, Mr. Li began to start his own business, and our life got better day by day.
Houses, cars、... We all have it.
I also became a full-time housewife and unknowingly started to get more and more lazy. In my world, in addition to my husband and daughter, it is shopping, visiting the vegetable market, many times, from this end of the vegetable market to that end, buying some small dishes and comparing the goods, bargaining with the grandmother who sells vegetables for half a day for a dime. When I think about it now, I hate the person I used to be.
I hated the desktop computer at home and bought a laptop. Lying on the bed with a notebook, nestled on the sofa, endless Korean dramas, endless landlords, endless QQ farms and ranches... I was immersed in the so-called "happiness", forgetting to move forward, forgetting the original dream.
Staying up late at night to chase dramas, sleeping until the sun during the day, this has become the norm of my life. After a long time of living this irregular life, my body lit up red lights, eczema, kidney stones, waist herpes, and various colds also came one after another, but I attributed all this to my weak constitution since I was a child.
Mr. Li became more and more able to endure hardships, racked his brains for a variety of investments, wanted to make more money, and wanted to give our mothers and wives a better life. The daughter is also well-behaved and sensible, not only has good grades, but is very good in all aspects. Piano level 10, painting in downtown Shanghai won the third prize, usually singing, speech won countless awards, has become the standard "other people's children".
In this family, it seems that only I am still living in my own "pleasure", content with the status quo and not seeking progress.
I didn't know how to be a good wife, how to be a good mother, how to be a good role model for my children, and I shouted at my children at every turn. At that time, when others asked her daughter whether she liked her father or her mother, she would not hesitate to choose to like her father.
An online elementary school student essay "My mother is a useless middle-aged woman" woke me up, and now that I think about it, I have to thank the little friend for writing this article.
The childish font reads:
My mother does not go to work, and usually likes to play cards and watch brain-dead TV dramas, scolding while watching, and sometimes crying. She couldn't do anything well, the food she cooked was super unpalatable, the house was a mess, and everywhere was not clean.
She obviously can't do anything well, she knows how to play all day long, and she is tired every day, saying that it is all for me, and she is about to die of exhaustion. The classmate I played with, Xiaoqing's mother would drive, she wouldn't. Kobayashi's mother would accompany Kobayashi to play table tennis, she wouldn't. Xiaoyu's mother can draw, and Yaoyao's mother's clothes are beautiful. I was envious of dying, but she wouldn't do anything.
I think my mom is a useless middle-aged woman.
This little author was so disappointed in his mother! We want our children to be excellent, and in the hearts of children, they also want their parents to be excellent.
Watching the brain-dead TV is too consistent with me, in the eyes of my daughter and husband, I should also be this kind of mother.
The more I think about it, the more I feel that I am the kind of mother in the composition, what about my dreams? What about the passion of life? No, I can't go on like this anymore, I want to find the self I once had with dreams and pursuits.
03 Start changing yourself
I made up my mind to start changing, first of all, never chasing the drama, not staying up late, I began to work and rest regularly, go to bed early and get up early, start exercising, and insist on morning running.
I began to learn baking, learn to cook, I made bread, cakes were affirmed by my daughter, not only good taste, good looks, I made a variety of food, but also by Mr. Recognition.
I no longer shouted at my daughter without moving, I learned to make friends with her, tried to be friends with her, entered her heart, and my changes also made me gain a lot. Today, years of mother and daughter have made us girlfriends who talk about everything.
I began to use the fragmented time to study, and the bedside was filled with various books by the talented girls of the Republic of China, Lin Huiyin, Sanmao, Zhang Ailing, Yang Xia, and so on.
I think I am the happiest woman in the world, my husband is excellent, my daughter is excellent, and I am quietly changing myself.
In the second half of 2017, her daughter was in her second year of junior high school, and due to household registration problems, she was unable to take the middle school entrance examination and college entrance examination in Shanghai. We had to transfer her back to her hometown to study in the second year of junior high school. My husband's career was in Shanghai again, so I took my daughter back to my hometown alone, a small county town in Anhui, and started a new life for both of us.
Strange city, strange everything... My husband arranged for my mother and mother to go back to Shanghai, and when she left, her daughter lay on her father's shoulder and cried, and she was reluctant to be separated from her father and the family. At that moment, I made a promise in my heart that I must learn to be independent and strong, and I must take good care of my daughter and be a good example for my daughter.
Back in my husband's hometown, I was eager to find a job, I wanted to have my own income, I didn't want to always reach out and ask for money, but I had not worked for sixteen years, I had long been derailed from society, what could I do. All these years, it has always been my husband who has carried the weight for me. I had no idea what job I was suitable for.
During the day, my daughter went to school. I began to look for jobs, and I found several jobs in the service industry, either supermarkets or clothing stores to help sell clothes, this kind of industry is not something I don't want to do, mainly because it does not coincide with my daughter's school time, and I can't take better care of her.
I simply went to the training class, comprehensive and systematic learning of computers, learning office automation, learning accounting knowledge... I believe in myself, and as long as I work hard, I can.
Opportunities were reserved for those who were prepared, and after the training course, I applied for a clerical job, eight to five in the morning, and on weekends, which coincided with my daughter's time.
On the day I went to the interview, I was quite scared inside, after all, I hadn't worked in so many years. When filling out the work resume, but do not know how to fill in the work experience column, I write honestly: these years full-time at home, no work experience, now very eager to have a job. The director of the personnel department took my resume, looked at it and smiled and told me to go back and wait for the notice, I guess there must be no hope.
Perhaps because of the curiosity caused by the "special" work resume, I received a call from the company's personnel department that afternoon asking me to go to the interview again. This time Another person interviewed, he did not ask me to fill out the resume, directly asked me some questions, I also answered truthfully. I didn't know that the person interviewing was the director of the company, and I didn't know where the courage came from, so I said directly to the director: "I want to work, give me a chance, give me a one-month probationary period, if I don't do well, don't pay, just leave." The director smiled and said, "Then come to work tomorrow and try it out for a month." In this way, I got my first job after a gap of sixteen years.
Just joined the company, did not understand anything. I have no work experience, am not familiar with computers, and am still a woman who is not confused. I don't have any advantages other than being diligent and hardworking.
Every morning I arrived at the office early, turned on the water, mopped the floor, wiped my desk, and I packed everything up before it was time for work. At work, I work hard, try to say as little as possible and do more, I don't understand it during the day, and I go home at night to continue to explore on the computer at home.
In the workplace, the workplace criticism of conspiracy, deception, deception and deception is everywhere. For a small white with no workplace experience, it is really uncomfortable at first. But I want to work, I don't want to leave, I want to work everywhere it should be the same, there should be such people everywhere. I don't please anyone, insist on being myself, do my job well, and don't participate in any gossip that the work has nothing to do with.
There are also some colleagues behind my back who think I'm stupid and only know how to do things. But the leader's eyes were shining, and in less than a year, I was promoted to assistant minister, which was the leader's best affirmation of my work achievements.
I still come to the office very early every day, turn on the water, mop the floor, wipe the desk, and I do my job conscientiously.
I live every day actively and hard. I also opened a vegetable garden in a wasteland of the company, learned from the vegetable farmer, planted corn, beans, melons, watermelons... Every day after work, I go to the vegetable field to work for thirty minutes. Some people say that it can be worth a few dollars, and it is convenient to go to the vegetable market to buy some food. But they understand that all I want is to experience and enjoy the process of sowing, managing and reaping!
I finally understood that chai rice oil and salt, like piano, chess, calligraphy and painting, are all kinds of cultivation in life! Even if you are only a vegetable farmer, as long as you work hard, you will reap a full harvest.
It was as if I had never lived a life so seriously. I love my current self!
I know that I don't have much to do, not to compare with those who are successful, only compared with yesterday's self, and to improve a little bit every day is the best reward for myself.
The most is that the human world can not stay, Zhu Yan ci mirror flower word tree!
Although the corners of his eyes have begun to wrinkle, white hair has appeared on his head. But I am no longer afraid of age, I believe that as long as I live seriously, as long as I have enthusiasm in my heart, every age will be beautiful!
After half a lifetime, when I reached the age of confusion, I finally woke up to the fact that life is short, and it is not easy to come to this world.
For the rest of my life, I want to live every day full of vitality and grow old seriously!