Recently, a concept of "new type of filial piety" has circulated on the Internet.
What is the "new type of filial piety"?
Blogger @五味全 gave a transparent explanation:
The new type of filial piety is that parents have worked hard all their lives, hoping that their children can soar and let them raise their eyebrows, but the children cannot meet the expectations of their parents.
The new type of filial piety is that parents think that their children are greedy for pleasure in big cities, do not find a partner, do not marry, and make parents hate iron and steel.
In the eyes of parents, children are their own glory, but in real life, children are full of chaos.
Although many people are in big cities, they live in cramped rental houses, and their lives are tight and lonely.
Every day 996 comes out early and returns late, while dealing with the heavy work and the ruthlessness of life, while carefully wandering between the cold and warm of human feelings.
The cruelty of reality collided with the expectations of parents, and contradictions arose, so there was that sentence that was all over the Internet:
"A 'new type of filial piety' is spreading, parents know nothing, but children are already in tears."
In fact, there is no "new type of filial piety", but the growth experience and way of thinking of the two generations are different.
In a show, I saw the experience of a girl being forced to go on a blind date.
The girl is 28 years old, good looking, is the management of a large shopping mall, has a stable income, and her career is on the rise.
But all the achievements of the girl, in the eyes of her mother, can not withstand the "failure" of not marrying at the age of 28.
Mothers began to arrange frequent blind dates for their daughters, and girls had to meet blind dates almost every day, sometimes even several times a day.
At the end of each blind date, the girl is exhausted and feels more tired than going to work, so the girl is ridiculed by her friends as a "blind date".
In just two years, the mother entrusted all her relatives and friends, and introduced nearly a hundred blind dates to her daughter, but none of them succeeded.
The mother completely broke down and scolded her daughter for not filial piety, saying that she deliberately opposed herself.
In fact, the girl has a bitter word, she is not too demanding, but does not want to easily make it up.
In the girl's view, when to get married, it is not the age, but the person who meets the right person, but the mother does not think so.
Because of marital problems, the girl was afraid of receiving a call from her mother, and the mother was full of anger when she mentioned her daughter.
In the end, the original closest relationship turned out to be a tit-for-tat enemy.
How many parents and children in life are conflicted by different concepts?
Parents believe that life should have a stable job and suitable savings, but the child does not want to be trapped by the world, and insists on pursuing dreams and freedom.
Parents think that children marry early is happiness, but children do not regard marriage as a necessary option, and firmly believe that it is best to be appropriate.
In the novel "Sword Rain Building", it is said:
Being wronged by others is a wronged thing, and being wronged by one's beloved is the most wronged thing under the heavens.
Family is the softness of the soul, not being understood and supported by the family, is the greatest grievance in the world.
There is a bridge section in the movie "Everything is Good", which is quite heartfelt.
After retiring, the old pipe played by Zhang Guoli decided to go and see the four children outside.
The old pipe sat on the high-speed train and took out photos to show off the achievements of the children to others.
But when he stood outside the work room managed by his younger son, he could not open the door for a long time, and the phone could not be connected.
In the end, I learned that Guan Hao was depressed because he did not meet Huai Cai, and when he went to Tibet to relax, he encountered an avalanche and was seriously injured.
The old Guan went to Hangzhou to visit Guan Qing, and although Guan Qing was successful in his career, he was betrayed by his husband and lived alone with his children.
Immediately after, Lao Guan went to Shanghai to find Guan Quan, and Guan Quan was no longer a top-notch figure in a listed company, but was struggling to start a business after selling a house.
In the end, Lao Guan went to Macau to find Guan Chu, and as a result, Guan Chu had long given up dancing in the Grand Theater and fell into the restaurant as a window model.
Seeing the real life of the children, the old manager knew how difficult it was for them to live.
Parents look at their children, often wrapped in love sugar coating, will always inadvertently magnify the achievements and glory of their children.
Some parents even think that their children live a life of wind and snow in the big city, but they all lick blood on the tip of the knife.
In this regard, netizen @蕙子 has deep feelings.
Hui Zi works in Shanghai, with a salary of 6,000 yuan, and her mother lets her transfer 2,000 yuan every month to go home and save it as a dowry in the future.
Huizi refused, and her mother immediately complained: "All day long I know how to enjoy, how to get married without saving some money?" ”
Hui Zi suddenly wet her eyes, what her mother did not know was that Hui Zi's salary was only enough to barely survive, and she did not dare to order more than 20 yuan for takeaway.
Even if she works overtime until the subway stops running late at night, Huizi would rather drag her tired body to a few buses than take a taxi home.
Usually being harassed by leaders and customers, Huizi can only swallow her anger, because she can't afford to pay the price of unemployment.
And she never told her parents about this, because she didn't want to worry her parents, and she was even more afraid of disappointing them.
It is said that parents always "report good news and not worry", so why not children?
They endured bitterness and bitterness, held up a smile and said, "I am all right", and deep down, they had to face reality and sigh:
"I'm sorry I didn't live the way you wanted to, but I've tried my best."
Fate is never merciful, it does not easily give anyone success and happiness, and some are just endless wind and frost and trials.
Children in life to grope, just as desired, just by chance, not as expected, is the norm.
Many times, it's not that the parents are really too solidified, but that no one is taking them to keep up with the team.
If someone takes the initiative to build a bridge, they can cross the gap between the years.
After the death of her friend Lily's father, my mother has been living alone, and although life is not bitter, it is also unremarkable.
Mom's greatest joy is to wait for Lily to come home and look forward to Lily getting married and having children.
Lily, on the other hand, is a travel blogger who spends two-thirds of the year traveling outside the home with few opportunities to return home.
Later, due to the epidemic, Lily was isolated at home, and only stayed with her mother for two months.
At first, Lily was busy editing videos all day, and her mother could only sit alone on the couch and look at her back.
By chance, Lily looked back and saw a surge of bitterness in her heart.
She dropped her work, pulled her mother to her room, and showed her the videos she had created, telling funny stories about her journey.
Mom listened with relish and asked questions from time to time.
They had a great time that day.
After that, Lily began to teach her mother to shoot edited videos, and often took her mother to live broadcast together.
After the epidemic improved, Lily began to embark on the journey again, but this time, she had more of a mother around her.
Under Lily's leadership, her mother not only learned to shoot short videos, but also often traveled alone, often with a smile on her face.
I have seen a heartfelt sentence: "We stepped on the shoulders of our parents and saw the brilliance of the prosperous world, but we laughed at them for seeing too little and seeing too shallow." ”
The backwardness of our parents is not incompetent, not shallow, but they have devoted their lives to nourishing us.
We often dislike our parents for being outdated and can't keep up with the trend, but if you think about it, what have we done for them?
The parents are gone, no longer young, and need someone to pull a hand so that they will not fall where they are.
In childhood, parents are the guides of children, and when they become adults, children should be their parents' teachers.
As the saying goes: "Hoping for a son to become a dragon and a daughter to become a phoenix is the common wish of every parent." ”
As a parent, expecting your children to become better is an eternal long-cherished wish.
But love is not a shackle, but understanding and support.
Recently, the story of Gu Ailing and her mother has awakened countless people.
In the final of the Beijing Winter Olympics, Gu Ailing's scores in the first two jumps were behind the other two players.
Gu Ailing called her mother, who suggested that she choose the action she was best at and strive for the silver medal.
But this time Gu Ailing did not listen to her mother's words, and she decided to challenge her limits.
The mother did not stop her daughter from taking the risk, only said lightly: "OK, this is your game, then enjoy it." ”
Mom has always been like this, never forcing Gu Ailing to obey herself, she will give advice, but also respect the choice of her children.
Sometimes, he even persuades his daughter not to pursue the best in everything.
Because his mother was a Stanford school bully, his father graduated from Harvard, and Gu Ailing, a child, was determined to be admitted to Stanford.
Mom said, "You don't have to go to Stanford, you go to any school, as long as you like it very much, but more importantly, you don't give up studying for the rest of your life." ”
Gu Ailing, as her mother wished, has been on the road to study, and in the end, she was admitted to Stanford as she wished.
Perhaps, this is the best way out for parents and children: to go in both directions.
"I give you the deepest trust and you give back to my better self."
Psychologist Joyce Brazes said: "The best proof of love is trust, and trusting each other is the best love for children." ”
Only by integrating trust and understanding into love can it turn into a warm current and flow into each other's hearts.
Parents and children, let go of the stubbornness of opposites, run in the same direction, those wishes that have been made will blossom all the way.
Click [in the watch], may all parents and children, see each other like a warm sun, get along like a spring breeze.
The author | Li Kemo, personal public number, Kemo girl.
Pictures | Visual China