On February 24, as the day approached, I used to go to the nearby park to play the piano again. The county seat of my hometown has been raining for a week, and it is dense, like my endless thoughts about you. I sat in the long pavilion of the park and played the "Liang Zhu" you liked. The sound of the piano and the sound of the rain, the slightest wisp, melodious, like the breeze is cool, like the low night, and like the murmur and whisper - all the whispers and whispers of your name. Is your soul listening? 23 years, sister, do you think I have forgotten you?
29 years back in time, the same rainy night, the same piano music, you and I are drunk. I stroke the piano, and you clap your little hands and keep cheering. You were only nine years old and had been learning the piano for less than half a month, and I had been learning art from your father, a folk artist who could play the piano well, for more than 3 years since I was 8 years old. Asked how you know if the piano is well stroked, you said: "Brother Master, I love to hear you stroke the piano, and I am afraid that you don't want to stroke it, so I will say that you are good, so that you can stroke a few more songs." "Your words make me so sad, and I should play the piano for you."
Unexpectedly, half a year later, I transferred to a foreign school, and after 5 years, because I was not admitted to college, I went home to make other plans. During this time, I experienced a serious personnel dispute without any psychological preparation. A woman who only knew me committed herself to others, but somehow took me to court for the sake of saying that everything was my arrangement. Of course, he was released, but since then he has become a "disaster star", and even relatives and friends are afraid to avoid it. How bad my situation is, no one dares to find a job, no one wants to do business, and there is no way to borrow money to re-study. I shut myself up at home all day, drinking and smoking, and dreaming of death. No matter how my parents tried to persuade me, scolding was reluctant to scold, but my heart was broken.
You know that you can't persuade me, or silently accompany me. You said, "Brother Master, I know that you are very bitter in your heart, so let's say it, don't torture yourself like this!" My heart was sour, but my face pretended to be indifferent. You also said, "It's okay to play the piano, didn't Dad say, 'No matter what happens, as long as there is a piano, our souls will not be lonely'?" I still shook my head and said nothing. Your eyes were red, and you said loudly: "Why are you hiding from me, brother, do you know, these days I have been thinking, if you are willing to repeat the study, I am immediately suspended from school, work to earn money for you, and I am willing?" ”
I looked at your childish face fixedly, and the emotion in my heart was indescribable. You grew up under the tutelage of your master and mother, and you never dared to have the slightest idea of deviance, if you did not reveal your true feelings, how could you say such extreme words? I already knew that you treated me very well, you helped your mother make wheat cakes, put much more meat in my cake than your parents, others gave you your favorite bitter melon, you always have to wait for me to share, how can I forget this; but I can't imagine that the affection contained in your little soul has reached the point of such disregard for self-sacrifice.
Sister Master, I don't say it, I'm afraid that your young soul will not be able to bear my grievances and pain. I refused to play the piano, which is also the reason. You learn to play the piano, but you don't understand the rhythm. Words and words can lie and falsify, and harbor evil intentions like that woman, often harming people in this way; the sound of the piano is the voice of the heart, and it cannot be faked. As soon as I touched the piano, the tears came down, so wouldn't that infect you?
But I'm going to make you sad after all. At your birthday party, you asked me to play the piano again, and Master and Master also echoed it. I know that you want to make me happy, and I know that if you refuse at this time, it will inevitably be unkind, so I will push it for a while and then stroke it.
After the feast, we went for a stroll by the river, and you mentioned it again, and I pointed to the mountain in the distance and said, "If you dare to cross this mountain with me, I will play the piano." "You said why don't you dare, I said, "There is a dragon gate on the other side of the mountain, and mortals are not allowed to enter." You laughed and asked what the dragon gate was, and I looked at the gushing river, thought about it, and said, "The dragon gate is like this river, there are many fish in it, most of them are doing well, and there are also fish that have a bad life that want to jump out of the dragon gate and never come back." You cried out in disgust: "You made up a fairy tale to make me happy when I was a three-year-old child." ”
When my parents sent me to the barracks, you said goodbye to me with tears in your eyes and turned back step by step. I looked at your distant back and muttered what you had just said: "Good job, good job..."
Yes, I should do it well, even if it's just for you, my sister-in-law. In the barracks, I devoted myself to my work, and because of my outstanding achievements, I soon became a clerk in the recruit company, an enviable position. However, I never expected that on February 24, 1999, on the way home from your vacation in Chengdu, the plane you were on was crashing over your hometown of Ruian City... On the day that my master and mother choked up to report this bad news, I fell ill, could not eat or sleep, kept crying bitterly, and thought of death from time to time.
On Sunday, I organized recruits at the club to watch the TV movie "Condor Heroes". On the screen, Yang Guo stood on the cliff of the broken intestine, his tears blurred. As he plunged into the valley, I rushed out of the club like crazy, tears rolling out. Yang Guo remembered Su Dongpo's mourning words for his wife, "Jiang Chengzi", and felt that although he was "ten years of life and death", there were still lonely graves, and he knew where his beloved wife was buried, but he himself did not even know where his wife was buried. They are much better than me, Master Sister, Yang Guo in sixteen years, can still imagine where the little dragon girl went, but I, I have been separated from you for less than a year, even your ashes, I don't want to see it!
Lying on the bed slab in the dormitory, my whole body was shaking and shaking. A few recruits comforted me at a loss, and I was confused to remember that my master and mother seemed to have said that when you came to Chengdu, you were familiar with the business with your uncle who sold school uniforms, so that you could make money for me later. Thinking of this, a sharp pain caused me to pass out, and when I woke up in a hospital bed, there was a polished guitar on the wall that pierced my memory nerves. I shouted, "Sister Master! Come back, let me stroke a song for you, you come back! ”
You didn't come back.
On February 24, 1999, you stayed in the "Dragon Gate" forever, and I, long ago, jumped out of the Dragon Gate. This is not a fairy tale.
Fast forward 23 years. Although I can no longer cry when I dream back in the middle of the night, there are always some things in the world that time cannot erase, such as thoughts, such as pain, such as attachment.
Like the wisp of white hair that was occasionally seen between the silks, it was always so vivid and eye-catching that it could not be ignored anytime and anywhere. For many years, I have stood before your spirit and let you watch me grow old year after year, not knowing which tears are hotter inside and outside the spirit? Whose heart hurts more? Maybe when the tears are exhausted, it is blood, and when the pain is extreme, it is numbness.
Whenever this happens, I start playing the piano, just like tonight. The sound of the piano is around the beam, the heart is like a butterfly flying, and you seem to be sitting in front of my eyes, clapping your small hands and constantly cheering. In your heart, Master Sister, am I still the rebellious and stubborn teenager of that year?
The sound of the piano stopped abruptly, and I woke up. It was pitch black, and only the sound of rain ticked, like the echo of 29 years ago. Such a night, how are you sister? Hear me playing the piano? All these years, whenever I am in my hometown, I will go to the place where you left or your spirit to see you.
I want to tell you that although I have experienced a lot and a lot of times in the past 23 years, and there have been many times when I have been desperate to the point of collapse, I have persevered every time. What sustains me through darkness and helplessness is not the golden phrases such as "This is nothing but the darkness before dawn," "God will open a window while closing the door for you," "Your burden will become a gift, and your suffering will illuminate your path," but mainly the strength you bring to me.
I know your greatest hope and comfort is that I want to live well. If I can't do it and disappoint you, it's hard for me to forgive myself. So I will live well, this is the load of your soul, and it has and will continue to take me through the thorns, through the night, to the other shore of light and hope.
Sister Master, I will take care of myself, so you can sleep peacefully. I'm a little tired tonight, can I stroke you another song tomorrow night? Sleep well, my sister-