Funny passages with instant laughter: humorous to the extreme, the skin will be beaten!
1. Eat white food exclusively
There is a person who eats white food exclusively, but never invites others to eat it.
Once, a neighbor borrowed his hall to entertain guests.
The others did not know what was going on, and they were all very strange, so they asked his servant: Why did the sun come out of the west, and your master also invited guests?
The servant replied, "Where, I want my host to invite you, and wait for the next life."
When he heard this, he scolded the servant: Who told you to promise a day?
2. The concern of female colleagues
Rushed to the office in the morning without breakfast.
A beautiful colleague enthusiastically handed me a carton of pure milk.
I drank it in one gulp, and my heart was warm.
When I got off work in the afternoon, Beauty asked me with concern, "Are you okay?" ”
I wondered, "It's all right." ”
Beauty breathed a sigh of relief: "Well, the original expired milk will not have diarrhea after drinking, I can safely feed the dog, so as not to lose it and waste it." ”......
3. Lazy people
There's a lazy guy who's surprisingly lazy.
The wife wanted to cut the noodles and told him to borrow a panel from a neighbor's house.
He said, "Don't borrow it, just cut it on my back!" ”
His wife cut the noodles on his back and asked him, "Does it hurt?" ”
He said, "Pain, I'm too lazy to squeak." ”
4, full of tacky
A countryman came into the city to a feast with olives on it.
The countrymen took it and ate it, feeling astringent and tasteless, so they asked others, "What is this?" ”
The people at the table looked down on him because he was a village spirit, and they said, "Vulgar." ”
The countrymen thought that "customary" was the name of the olive, so they took it to heart.
When he returned home, he showed off to people: "I have eaten a strange thing in the city today, called 'custom'. ”
When the others didn't believe it, the man opened his mouth and said, "You don't believe it, and now I'm still full of tacky mouths." ”
5. Delivery
Just three months after a couple was married, the wife said to her husband, "I'm going to have a baby, go get a midwife!" ”
"What?" The husband was shocked and said, "People say that they can only give birth in September when they are pregnant, how can you..."
His wife looked at him and said, "You're stupid. I ask you, how many months have I been married to you? ”
The husband replied, "Three months." ”
The wife asked, "How many months have you been married to me?" ”
The husband replied, "Three months." ”
The wife pointed to her stomach: "How long has the child been in my belly?" ”
The husband touched his head: "Three months." ”
"That's right," said the wife with a smile, "three three months, do you count, is it a few months?" ”
"Nine months indeed!" The husband was relieved and said, "I'm so confused, I can't even calculate this account, okay, now I'll go and ask the midwife!" ”
6. Quack medicine
There was a farmer who went to the city to catch medicine for his sick wife, and he didn't know what to call the dispenser.
At the door of the pharmacy, he asked a passing child. The child told him that the title was "Quack Doctor." ”
The farmer went into the pharmacy, saw the pharmacist and said, "Hello! quack. ”
"Snap!" The farmer was slapped sternly.
"I want to grab a counter-fever drug, quack."
"Snap!" He was slapped again.
"Is that all?"
"Yes!" The pharmacist said happily.
The farmer came home and said to his wife, "I've got the medicine back, so get up!" ”
As soon as his wife got up, he slapped her hard enough, causing her to fall under the bed.
After such a beating and a fright, the wife sweated a lot and really had a fever.
After his wife's illness recovered, the farmer went into the city to find the pharmacist.
As soon as he entered the pharmacy, he said to the pharmacist, "The medicine I caught last time has not been used up, and I have brought the rest to you." ”
When he finished, he slapped it in the face.
7. Buy a car
A rich farmer who wanted to buy a car went to the car exhibition hall to have a look.
At the side of each car stood a very beautiful lady, numbered.
He chose the most beautiful lady is The 8th, he thought: it doesn't matter whether the car is good or bad, if it is broken, you can buy it again, this beauty is a lifetime thing to buy...
8, calm drunkard
Once, the drunkard went to the restaurant to drink and drank for half a day.
The servant urged him to go home quickly, saying, "It's overcast, it's about to rain, so let's go before it rains." ”
The drunkard's cup said without leaving his hand: "It rains, it is too late to hide, what to go?" ”
Sure enough, it rained, and it took a while for the rain to clear.
The servant urged again: "It's sunny, go home." ”
The drunkard said, "Since it is sunny, what is the hurry?" ”
9. Selling wives
A man was crying on the side of the road, and a well-meaning person asked why, and replied, "I want my wife to be heartfelt." ”
And he asked, "What about the wife?" ”
A: "I sold her to pay off my gambling debts." ”
Then ask, "Then do you still have the face to think of her?" ”
"Because I don't have a gambling book again!" ”
10, the key is in me
Once upon a time there was a rich man who one day collected a large chest of gold and silver jewelry and locked it up with an iron box and a lock. Keep the keys away yourself.
One day, his family happened to encounter a thief who happened to steal this box of gold and silver jewelry from his collection.
At this time, his butler came to say to him; "Lord, that box of jewelry in our house was stolen."
The rich man also said unhappily: "What is urgent, rare and strange, the key is still here!"
When he opened his eyes again, the good eater sat steadily, not shaking.
11. Book more
When ordering newspapers and periodicals, students filled the order to the fullest.
I saw it and asked in amazement, "Why do you order many newspapers?" ”
The classmate said: "My mother said that she would pay for anything I wanted to order." ”
I advised, "Then there should be a selective booking!" ”
My classmate leaned close to my ear and whispered, "My father said that the money for buying old newspapers belongs to me, so why don't I order more?" ”
#Joke##Funny Humor Anecdote##Humor Funny Paragraph##Those Jokes at the Bottom of the Box##Funny Moment##Happy Moment##冷笑话 #
