Educator Cai Yuanpei said: Educators, the cause of cultivating personality.
However, in today's society, education is constantly rolling in. Both teachers and parents have become meritocracists, but few people pay attention to the healthy development of children's personality.
According to the "China Children's Suicide Report", the number of suicides between the ages of 5 and 24 is as high as 25% of the total number of suicides in China each year. In their ranking of suicide causes, the proportion of excessive study pressure is as high as 45.5%, which is the number one cause of their suicide.
The whole society is pouring chicken soup that "learning is the biggest shortcut in life" and selling the anxiety of "not losing at the starting line of life".
Parents are also under the banner of "good for you" and blindly implement high-pressure education. But without a sound personality, even if you are directly placed on the peak of life, you may not have a brilliant future.
The Zhou Xuan Emperor Yuwen Yun of the Northern Zhou Dynasty is a living example.
1
Emperor Xuan of Zhou lost his life at the peak of his life
In 578, the 19-year-old Zhou Xuan Emperor succeeded to the throne. He reached the peak of his life and became the 4th emperor of the Northern Zhou Dynasty.
However, this young Tianzi did not show his talent like the later Kangxi, but absurdities occurred frequently, creating several novels that did not dare to write the first.
Just 2 years later, he successfully killed himself according to the script of "if you don't die, you won't die".
Emperor Xuan of Zhou began to release himself after the death of his father.
As soon as the emperor died, he looked at his father's coffin, stroking the scars that had been beaten by his father, and scolding "you died too late." Immediately after, he did not insist on 27 days of filial piety, and he could not wait to hold an enthronement ceremony for himself.
After the enthronement ceremony, Emperor Xuan of Zhou turned around and ran into his father's harem. He selected his father's concubines one by one like a draft, and dragged the selected concubines directly into his harem.
Before the ministers could advise, Emperor Xuan of Zhou's next absurd affair came.
Although the ancient emperors of the mainland had three thousand harem beauties, we never practiced polygamy, but monogamous concubines.
Even if you sit on the first chair in the country and snare the world's beauties in the harem, the queen can only have one.
But Emperor Zhou Xuandi liked many women. To whom shall this woman's highest glory be given? After thinking about it, he felt that this kind of good thing "can not be less."
Emperor Xuan of Zhou decided to create five empress seals at the same time, one for each person. An emperor had five empresses at the same time, and Emperor Xuan of Zhou succeeded in becoming the only one in history.
Not only that, but he also asked to spoil five queens at the same time. This idea was opposed by Empress Yang Lihua. Emperor Xuan of Zhou was so angry that he almost killed her. In the end, it was the old mother-in-law who came forward to prostrate herself and prostrate herself on the ground, and Emperor Xuan of Zhou spared Yang Lihua's life.
But one wave has not subsided, and another wave has invaded.
Emperor Xuan of Zhou felt that being emperor was too much of a delay in his own enjoyment. Nine months after he ascended the throne, he decided to cede the throne to his 6-year-old son. He himself ran to become the Emperor Taishang.
This year, he was 21 years old. Emperor Xuan of Zhou became the youngest Emperor Taishang in history.
How depressing it used to be, how arrogant it is now. Emperor Xuan of Zhou died of illness at the age of 21 after 2 years of wanton indulgence.
However, Emperor Xuandi's seemingly absurd behavior was not born out of thin air. This is nothing more than the high-pressure education ray in his original family, which exploded after the death of his father.
To be fair, although his father Emperor Wu of Zhou was a good emperor, he was really not a good father.
2
Emperor Xuan of Zhou, a victim of high-pressure education
It is not only us who "hate iron is not steel", but also the ancient imperial family.
Emperor Wu of Zhou declared himself empress dowager, and found that his sons were all stubborn. He chose to come and go, and decided to train his eldest son Yuwen Yun to inherit the great cause.
His ardent expectations are like those of us who hope that the son will become a dragon and the woman will become a phoenix.
In order to ensure the efficiency of learning, Emperor Wu of Zhou decided to implement high-pressure education for his children. He hung the pie on the chest of Emperor Xuan of Zhou early on, and at the age of 14 he was crowned crown prince.
Since then, Yuwen Yun, who was in his adolescence, began to follow the adults to the court every day, listen to the government, and read the music. He did everything he had to accomplish, rain or shine.
If the task is not done well, it is a meal of sticks. This simple and crude way of education directly led to Emperor Xuan of Zhou becoming the most beaten emperor in history.
Now, there are also many families who disregard their children's psychological state and learning ability, blindly pressing make-up lessons and exercises on their children. They seem to feel that as long as the class is completed and the problem is done, they are one step closer to success.
In Jurassic Park, there is a saying that life will find a way out.
Children under high pressure will also find a way out for themselves. The way they find is often to violate the yin and yang and evolve into a master of performance.
Emperor Xuan of Zhou relied on the acting talent trained by his father to perform the obedient prince in front of his father on the one hand, and on the other hand, he magnified the stubborn revenge in private.
There is a saying: slap a slap, give a sweet date. What are sweet dates? Sweet dates are love, praise and reward. This is actually done to relieve the stress of the child.
A psychological study in the United States showed that adolescent children have a higher desire for appreciation than children in other periods.
However, Emperor Wu of Zhou never gave a slap and not a sweet date.
Once Yuwen Yun hunted two white deer while hunting. At that time, the white deer was recognized as a good light. With great joy, he offered two white deer to his father, secretly expecting praise from his father.
Unexpectedly, his father not only did not praise him, but also criticized him, saying that the virtue of governing the country in the emperor does not lie in Xiangrui.
The enthusiastic Yuwen Yun was splashed with such a basin of cold water, and his loss and resentment could be imagined.
In our family education, similar scenes often appear. Many parents seem to like to give praise only to grades. If grades and academic performance are not ideal, they will turn a blind eye even if the rest of the child shines.
As everyone knows, blindly applying pressure is like desperately pulling a rubber band, and sooner or later the leather band will break off.
Stick education and harsh criticism have already made children breathless. King Wu of Zhou also monitored the child for 24 hours without dead ends.
He sent eunuchs to monitor the prince's behavior and reported it to him every month. In this way, King Zhou Xuanwang has more panic and anxiety about living under the "camera".
Although the years have passed for thousands of years, today's children have not escaped the fate of Being "monitored" like Yuwen Yun, and they also live under the "concern" of their parents every hour and every minute.
All this may be love and expectation for parents, but it is resentment and pressure for children.
Perhaps these burdens that are beyond the child's ability to bear will not bend the child's body, but will distort the child's personality.
It was this high-pressure education, which lacked flexibility and warmth, that ruined Yuwen Yun, who held a good card, and created the absurd Zhou Xuan emperor.
3
Family education, respect is the key
Zhao Yuping, the main speaker of the Hundred Forums, said: The wonderful works are all arranged.
In a family, whether a child's life is wonderful or not is actually directly related to the parents' arrangement. This arrangement, simply put, is family education.
High-pressure education is not advisable, laissez-faire is unrealistic, so how do we educate our children?
My answer is to find the right answer for you with respect.
The German philosopher Leibniz said, "There are no two leaves in the world that are exactly the same." ”
Therefore, family education cannot be generalized, but should be tailored to the situation of the family, parents and children.
First, respect your child's abilities.
Whether it is setting learning goals or assigning learning tasks, it must be consistent with the degree of acceptance of the child. It's like a pony crossing a river, where other people's experiences don't necessarily suit you.
If the child walks fast, do not be bound by the existing learning level and speed, and bravely take the child to fly; if the child walks slowly, do not be wrapped up in the universal advanced learning and achievements, and steadily take the child to chase.
In this way, children can achieve the best in their abilities, while ensuring their interest in learning and preparing for future breakthroughs.
Second, respect your child's feelings.
As we said earlier, it is very important to develop a sound personality in the process of raising children.
Only with a sound personality can children achieve coordination in professional skills, interpersonal communication, self-regulation and other aspects, and truly have the ability to achieve happiness. This requires us to respect our children's feelings.
In the relationship between husband and wife, we must be full of warmth in order to raise children who are gentle and loving; in terms of attitude towards life, we must be open-minded and optimistic in order to cultivate positive and cheerful children; in emotional processing, we must be stable and peaceful in order to cultivate children who are warm as jade.
We give the best feelings to the child, and naturally we will harvest a happy child.
If we ignore the child's feelings and fears, quarrel, pessimism, and irritability, we will inevitably gain a well-behaved child.
Finally, respect your child's personal space.
Tao Xingzhi once wrote a song "Children are not small songs":
"Everyone says that children are small, and who knows whether people are careful or not. If you look down on a child, you are even smaller than a child. ”
Although children are small, their hearts are not small, and they also have the need to be respected for their personal space.
Parents are often troubled by their children's rebellion. As everyone knows, these rebellions are caused by the excessive interference of parents.
Many parents, as soon as the child plays the mobile phone, it is like a great enemy, afraid that the child will go astray; the child will be worried and uneasy as soon as the door is closed, afraid that the child will stumble on time.
But shadowy attention doesn't solve the problem. It simply relieves our anxiety and increases the child's rebellion.
It is better to fully communicate with the child, provide options for the child, and supervise the child within the scope and time range that the child can accept.
For example, you can agree with your child on what circumstances parental supervision is required and when self-management is allowed. It is also agreeable to pay attention to the homework once a while, rather than being with you and paying close attention to the whole time.
If you still can't understand why your child needs personal space, imagine the feelings and pressures of your leader sitting around and staring at your work.
All in all, respect is like homeschooling the steering wheel of this car, grasping it may not guarantee that the car will reach the finish line first, but it can ensure that the car does not deviate, so that there is a continuous opportunity to surpass yourself and surpass others.
4
Write at the end
Every child carries the dream of parents.
But I think the dream of parents is not the success of their children, but the happiness of their children. Therefore, family education should not focus on the point of achievement, but on a face of personality.
Only by avoiding high-pressure education can our children not repeat the mistakes of Yuwen Yun and will not play even if they hold a good hand of cards.
END