Recently, a piece of data released by the Ministry of Civil Affairs rushed to Weibo's hot search.
The latest data show that the marriage rate of young people on the mainland has reached a new low in 17 years, and the divorce rate has increased year by year:
In 2020, the mainland marriage registration data was 8.131 million, which is the second time it fell below the 9 million mark after falling below the 10 million pair mark in 2019, only 60% of the peak in 2003.
So far, the mainland's single adult population has exceeded 260 million.
Nearly 60 percent of unmarried women said marriage was not a necessary option, while others were concerned about reducing their quality of life as a result of marriage.
We must admit that more and more people are no longer using marriage as a standard in life.
Zhou Guoping once said in "Marriage and Love": "The difficulty of marriage lies in how to effectively unify the three principles of happiness, ideal and reality in the partner. ”
Knowing the truths of the following three kinds of marriage can help us flexibly unify the above three principles with ease.
Modern people's marriages are "fragile"
On March 12, a 29-year-old woman in Hefei and her young children fell from a building and died.
When countless people wanted to find out the truth, the last words in the mother's mobile phone made many people red-eyed.
Hefei jumping woman's last words
After marriage, as a full-time mother, she took care of two frail and sick children at home for many years, coupled with the inconsiderate understanding of her husband and in-laws, which made her feel aggrieved and tired.
Even if you choose to swallow all the pain and carry all the hardships, you will not be able to escape the beating of your husband.
In the end, she helplessly carried the despair of marriage and life, jumped into the world, and desperately passed away with her young child, leaving her relatives and friends in great sorrow.
Some people say that modern people's marriages are becoming more and more fragile, and once they encounter contradictions and problems in marriage, the first thing they think of is not to solve or communicate, but to give up directly.
"An important element of a marriage relationship is the commitment of both parties to each other."
Commitment is both a responsibility, and the Husband of this Hefei woman has not fulfilled his family responsibilities.
Of course, in addition to responsibility, reaching agreement on big and small things in life is also one of the indispensable factors for long-term marriage.
Online, a civil affairs bureau worker once told such a story.
A young couple came to the Civil Affairs Bureau on the 23rd day after the flash marriage to apply for divorce. The staff had doubts and inquired about it before they knew that the two had not agreed on what kind of wedding ceremony to hold, so they decided to divorce.
Today, the reasons for divorce are varied, some because of a dirty sock that the other party discarded at will, some because it was an unanswered message, some because of a confrontation when there was a disagreement, and some because of a kind of unspoken indifference.
Are the fragility of marriages just these superficial reasons? After deep thinking, it is not difficult to find that the root of marriage breakdown is still hidden at the bottom.
"Rich" marriages are stronger
Marriage is not a flower before the moon when in love, but two people living together. Every penny of life's fireworks needs to be premised on money.
Money can iron all the folds of life, especially marriage.
Someone asked, "What is the place of money in marriage?" ”
One netizen recounted his personal experience.
Before marriage, she naively thought that as long as there was love, the other party's family conditions were almost irrelevant. Without thinking about starting from pregnancy, her marriage fell to the bottom.
Because the husband's salary is low, plus the subsidy for the in-laws' family. From pregnancy to childbirth, netizens bear all the costs and expenses of examinations by themselves.
After the birth of the child, because he cannot afford to hire a childcare sister-in-law, he is often tired to the point of collapse, holding the child until the wrist cannot be bent normally. And the mother-in-law not only did not help her with the child, but also often ridiculed her for being pretentious.
When she saved money and bought necessities for her children, her husband also complained that she spent money indiscriminately.
Pride and Prejudice says:
"Marriages that only consider money are ridiculous, marriages that don't consider money are stupid."
Deeply.
Although money is not the most important thing in marriage, it can help us to consolidate the foundation of marriage, reduce the contradictions and problems of marriage, and better allow us to enjoy the happiness brought by marriage.
Li Shi once said in "Strange Story":
"Marriage is a shell, not that we protect the marriage, but that the marriage wants to protect us."
Marriage without money, once the wallet is broken, we can clearly see the cruelest truth of marriage.
The "rich" marriage is the husband and wife who work together to get it, such a marriage will lead to happiness, and such a marriage is also a shell that resists future risks.
A stable marriage is a contractual relationship
Without love, the two can't go together, but the marriage with only love can't last long.
Simply thinking that marriage is only for the sake of perpetuating love, and thus ignoring the essence of marriage itself, is fatal to marriage.
A good marriage must have a contractual spirit. Contracts are a constraint, and tearing them up comes at a cost.
The famous scholar Wu Bofan once said:
"All moving love stories are not the happiness of love itself, but the rigor of the execution of the contract itself."
Observing the following marriage contracts will make the marriage stronger:
1. Unwavering loyalty
The Shanghai Academy of Social Sciences once conducted a survey of 500 divorced people, and the results showed that more than 40% of divorces were divorced because of extramarital love.
It can be seen that the biggest factor affecting marriage is the "third party" that appears in the relationship.
Over time, when a marriage is rifted or a sense of freshness is lost, many people think not of how to repair the relationship, but to look outward for emotional comfort.
The consequences of this eventually exacerbated the breakdown of the marriage.
In the history of Chinese painting and calligraphy, there is such a well-known couple: Zhao Mengfu and Pipe Sheng.
The two have been in love for more than twenty years, but there was also a "small episode" in their marriage.
At that time, Zhao Mengfu's friends around him were all wives and concubines, so he also had the intention of taking concubines.
His wife Guan Sheng was very sad after learning about it, and she was full of pain because of this, so she wrote "My Nong's Words".
"I am the same as Ersheng, and I die in the same rafter!" It can be seen that The pipe rises to her husband's full love for her husband has long overflowed the end of the pen.
Zhao Mengfu, who saw this word, was remorseful, pasted this word next to the case, often talked and laughed with his wife, and never had a gap. The story of the two people who do not abandon each other has also been regarded as a beautiful talk by posterity.
Fidelity in marriage is the primary of the spirit of the contract.
Fidelity is a person's best commitment to marriage. No matter what stage of marriage we enter, we must always have a faithful and sincere heart for our partners.
In marriage, only by following the original intention and principles of marriage will we understand that true love is not indulgence, but a kind of restraint.
2. Unshirkable responsibility
In the recent hit "Mother-in-law Mother 2", Yang Zi and Huang Shengyi are not only interesting to get along with, but also have a sense of family responsibility.
In the program, when the son was learning to dance, her husband YangZi encouraged him over and over again, and even took the initiative to dance with the child.
Here, Huang Shengyi was worried about his mother-in-law's age and limited mobility, so he offered to accompany the elderly to take a bath.
In life, although two people will occasionally talk like other couples, they are very careful about the education of two children and are a competent parent.
The old man is reluctant to be separated from his grandson, and Huang Shengyi also suggested that his mother-in-law be taken to Beijing to live together, so that the mother-in-law can see her grandson and take care of the old man's living.
Fromm says in The Art of Love:
"Caring and caring also includes another aspect of love, namely responsibility.
Responsibility is a fully conscious action, a desire and reply to another life that is or has not yet been expressed. ”
Fulfilling the responsibilities in marriage is an indispensable part of the contract.
Only by shouldering common responsibilities can we live in harmony and work together on the road of marriage.
3. Safeguard the commonly acquired interests
What makes marriage lasting is not only love, but also a intertwining of interests.
Colleague Xiaomei has recently encountered a lot of trouble. It turned out that the mother-in-law was suddenly seriously ill and urgently needed a large amount of money, but when she and her husband discussed together, they found that her husband had suffered heavy losses due to investment failures in recent years, and the family's savings were running out.
Seeing that the children still have to go to school, the old man needs to be treated, and the anxious Xiaomei has to borrow money everywhere.
Economist Xue Zhaofeng once said: "The essence of marriage is the community of interests of both men and women. ”
Once a marriage cannot provide material security, it is difficult to continue to operate.
The "common interest" is the nourishment in the marriage, and only when the husband and wife jointly maintain this nutrient can the marriage tree flourish.
4. Keep each other without abandonment
Marriage needs temperature, and it needs to be kept together.
In 2017, an old man who was nearly a hundred years old used a paintbrush to devote his lifelong love to the story of staying with his wife for a lifetime.
I believe that everyone who has watched "Meitang and Pingru" will be deeply moved by their beautiful feelings.
The hero of the story is Rao Pingru.
In the album, there are the beautiful posture of the lover grooming the mirror when I first met; there was the ups and downs of the husband singing with the woman; there was the trouble and warmth of the first parent; there was the mutual dependence when separating the two places;
Even in the end, in the face of his seriously ill wife, he is willing to coax her to take medicine and injections, and he is willing to ride a 40-minute bicycle to buy her favorite horseshoe cake, and he does not care that he is 87 years old.
After his wife's death, he had never studied painting, but he actually picked up a paintbrush and drew his hard thoughts and love on the paper and engraved it in his heart.
After a lifetime, I loved for a lifetime. Until death separated them, they didn't think for a moment to leave each other.
Yang Lan once said that marriage must have the righteousness of taking care of each other, the tacit understanding of not abandoning, and the unforgettable kindness.
In the end, the marriage was only left to stay together, wait for each other, and spend the rest of their lives together.
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Zhang Ailing once said:
"Life is a gorgeous cheongsam with lice crawling in it."
In fact, marriage is the same, there is no life without waves of marriage; when you open the qipao of marriage, there are also many stumbles in it.
John Gottman said in His Book Happy Marriage:
"Love is not the whole content of marriage, and contradiction is not the only theme of marriage."
Whether it is for people who have not entered marriage or those who have entered marriage, seeing the truth of marriage can help us deal with problems in marriage more objectively.
Marriage needs to be managed with a calm mind and with the spirit of contract, only in this way can everyone reap the fruits of happiness.