Biography
Xu Jinyuan, born in August 1999, female, Han ethnicity, Tai'an, Shandong, student of law class 19-1 of the College of Administration.
My biggest takeaway from Tyco is confidence. In junior high school, I was always at the top of the class, and there was a kind of swelling of a big fish.
When I got to the key class of high school, I slowly became the last few, and I felt more and more like a small shrimp rice. The first year of the college entrance examination score reached 533, but will not register, the result slipped!
The next year, I re-read, but I only scored 511 points and came to Tyco.
At that time, I was very uncomfortable, and I felt that I was nothing and did not dare to make new friends.
Compared with the school's mental health tests, I felt that I had mild depression. I was immediately alert and felt that something had to be changed.
So I contacted the counselor and asked if I could help the academy do some work and pull myself out of the quagmire.
Fortunately, there are so many student organizations and activities in Tyco that there are always opportunities for you if you want. Soon, I joined the student council and slowly went from officer to minister and vice president.
01.
Helpless investigation
Doing a good job is actually not easy. Many things are not as simple as we think, and often the end is a tiger's tail, but there is no choice.
Once, when I organized a volunteer service activity in the countryside three times, I planned a program on depression research, won the project support of the school, and gave 5,000 yuan of funds. The destination of the event is the whole community of Guangsheng.
At first, we knocked on the door one by one, and it turned out that most of them were elderly people, and they didn't cooperate much. After a few days, there was no success, and then the community helped us.
They organized a conference, which was attended mainly by housewives.
We surveyed more than 30 housewives and we did find problems. There is an aunt whose husband is paralyzed, whose in-laws need to be cared for, and whose children are out of town.
She was very stressed, and she did not dare to tell people that her hair was all white in her 50s. When we looked at her questionnaire, almost all of the indicators met the criteria for depression, and many of them were seriously exceeded.
The purpose of our activities is to identify problems, and solving problems is beyond ability. I empathize with this aunt's situation and would love to help her.
After the meeting, I asked her to stay quietly, wanting to add WeChat to help her solve it, and at the same time, I also helped her contact professionals for counseling and treatment.
But, no matter what, she refused.
Obviously, I found out who to help, but I couldn't help her, and I deeply felt that I couldn't do anything.
Watching her back as she hurried away after saying "There's something going on at home", my heart was full of frustration.
In another community, we found a housewife in her 30s who had a similar situation.
She said she was happy to cooperate with us, but she had two children, too many chores at home, basically two eyes and one busy to turn off the lights - from dawn to the children, husbands, in-laws to serve the children, husbands, in-laws, go to bed and rest after 10 o'clock in the evening, there is no time to receive counseling.
Although we completed the investigation task and learned about the real society, my heart was always heavy.
We thought that housewives were watching the children at home and cooking, and that they should have plenty of time, but we didn't expect that they were particularly busy, and there was almost no time to chat with us, let alone cooperate with the work.
Housewives, who seem to be leisurely in the eyes of ordinary people, are actually a group that needs the most social understanding and care.
It seems that our understanding of society is still too superficial, and the skills to serve society are still too small.
Later, whenever I thought of these two women, I thought of my mother and sister.
They were also typical housewives, and my sister even suffered from postpartum depression at one point.
Before, I couldn't understand them, not only did I not really care about them, but on the contrary, I burned oil on the fire and intensified the contradictions.
Every time I think about it, I fall into a deep sense of guilt.
After this investigation, I fell into self-doubt again: there was nothing I could do about these problems!
02.
Learn to divide the work
Tyco's students were busy. Like me, in addition to my daily studies, I have both a job in the student council and a position in telecommunications services.
There are often four or five things waiting at the same time.
At the beginning, I didn't know how to coordinate, nor did I understand priorities, whoever sent me a message first, I was busy first, and as a result, I was busy, and other things were forgotten.
For a while, from freshman to sophomore year, I was always very repulsive to the tasks arranged by the teacher, and instinctively wanted to delay.
So much so that for a while, I even felt as if I wasn't very good at organizing student organizations.
When I was an officer, I basically did whatever the minister and the teacher arranged.
Later, as a minister, I was not confident and had a great impact on my work.
There are 10 people under me, I do not have the confidence to communicate with everyone, do not understand the division of labor and cooperation, do not know how to train everyone, have work, problems are basically carried by themselves, often a day is very tired, but there is no substantial gain.
So much so that later Teacher Zhao asked me to be the vice chairman, and I immediately shook my head: Teacher, I will not lead, I may have really poor leadership.
Teacher Zhao looked at me with encouraging eyes: "You can try it first!" ”
Later, I found out that the other ministers met every Monday, and I asked them: What do you do when you meet every day? Aren't you bothered?
They looked at me with very strange eyes: meeting is to arrange work, is to divide labor, is to train, what is there to bother?
I suddenly understood, why did I tire myself into this?
Because I don't divide the work, I work more, and others don't necessarily appreciate me, because I haven't let them learn so much.
So I immediately made changes, sorted out the teacher's work requirements, and then divided them for everyone.
They won't, I'll negotiate with them, anyway, who should do the work, I am determined not to take care of it.
Learn to divide labor, and the level of coordination of work will also rise.
Although there is a lot of work every day, because it is not caught up in specific matters, the arrangement is also orderly, no longer busy, the focus of work has shifted to thinking about solutions to existing problems, and creativity and ability to play on the spot have also been improved.
Last September, we co-organized a knowledge contest with Blue Sky Law Firm.
Since the other side provided the prize money, we attached great importance to it, and organized a selection round and a semi-final, and finally a final.
The venue for the final was selected in the library, and there was a preemptive answering session. It was this link that went wrong.
When the first game was played, one of the players in one group had always grabbed the opportunity, and the other three groups suspected that there was a problem with the answerer.
At that time, everyone was confused and did not know what to do. Someone suggested raising their hands instead, which is obviously more difficult to distinguish between who comes first and who comes after.
I wasn't involved in the specific work on the spot, so my brain was always calm.
People are arguing about equipment, and I think we must not stand in our position and prove that there is no problem with the equipment, because there is no way to prove it at all - even if there is a problem with the equipment, there is no time and conditions on the spot to replace.
When everyone was at a loss, I suddenly had a flash of inspiration and thought of the exchange venue for the game.
Since everyone is on their own side and cannot reach an agreement, let's exchange positions. So I proposed that after each question was answered, I exchanged the answerer!
At this moment, no matter which side had nothing to say, there was no danger of avoiding an inexplicable dispute.
Learning how to work and solving problems that others didn't solve motivated me a lot, and I found that the self-confidence that had been lost for a long time was back.
03.
No more depression
It can be said that the original practice of changing one's depression by getting busy was correct and effective.
Looking back on these three years, my personality has changed the most.
A few days ago, I went to the review, and the indicators of the depression monitoring table have dropped significantly, reaching the normal range.
I also have a clear feeling about this in my life. When I first arrived, I was always cautious with everyone.
There was a roommate with a relatively good relationship, and suddenly one day from morning to afternoon, I did not say a word to me, I was worried and uneasy, and I kept thinking: Is there something wrong with me that makes her angry?
Fortunately, two days later, she took the initiative to tell me that she had a conflict with someone else, and I was greatly relieved: I almost broke a relationship and lost a friend.
Now, I will never have such a problem, I will never think so much, I will directly ask: Why have you not spoken today?
Before, as soon as there were many people, I would be nervous when I spoke, and my hands would shake.
Now giving a meeting to a large group of students is also full of confidence, even if you do not draft, you can do not shake your hands, mouth does not stop, gushing.
If I had been a small shrimp when I first arrived, now I have the feeling of a big tuna.
Now let me face the poor housewives in front of me, and I know how to communicate with them: I can't just let the family cooperate with me, I have to cooperate with them and integrate into their lives.
So now, when I see reports about people with depression, I feel lucky when I think about my comparisons.
Without so many activities and exercise opportunities for Tyco, whether I could pull myself out of depression, what would have happened to my life, I am afraid only God knows.
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Contributed | Snow rises
Edit | Yan Yuhui