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Regarding the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, psychologist Wu Di said:
"The best relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is that there is no relationship."
Host Meng Fei also said in the program: "The way mother-in-law and daughter-in-law get along is nothing more than eight words, keep a distance, and maintain respect." ”
If you want to avoid the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, it is best not to live together, if the conditions do not allow, you have to live together, but also to maintain a sense of boundaries.
In the TV series "Flowing Golden Years", Jiang Nansun's mother married into the Jiang family for more than twenty years, and Grandma Jiang has not been waiting to see her, and the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not very harmonious.
In order to avoid the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, Mother Jiang chose to keep her distance and go out dancing and playing mahjong every day.
Later, Jiang's father died, and Jiang's mother, who had endured for decades, quickly remarried and completely turned away from Grandma Jiang.
The relationship between another mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in "Flowing Golden Years", Zhu Suosuo and her mother-in-law Xie Jiayin, is also full of contradictions.
Although Zhu Suosuo was independent and principled, and tried to create a warm home, in the end she ended the marriage under the interference of her mother-in-law.
The contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in these two marriages has one thing in common, that is, the mother-in-law is strong and the son is "mabao".
Psychologist Wu Zhihong wrote in "Why Home Hurts People":
"The mother-in-law relationship is a lie, the triangle relationship is the truth, and the son, as the core of the triangle relationship, is the best person to regulate the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law."
Not all mothers-in-law understand what a "sense of boundaries" is, and at this time, men need to make a difference and know how to regulate the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
A strong mother-in-law is not the "terminator" of marriage, and a strong mother-in-law plus a man who does not act is the "terminator" of marriage.
Yao Li's (pseudonym) mother-in-law is actually not very strong, but she does not like Yao Li very much.
Yao Li's husband Xiao Hang (pseudonym), before establishing a relationship with her, had been in a relationship with her mother-in-law's girlfriend for several months under the mediation of her mother-in-law.
However, Xiao Hang and the girl were not on the same channel, and they could not talk together, and finally broke up.
Although Yao Li only fell in love with Xiao Hang after he broke up, her mother-in-law always thought that she snatched love with a knife.
What is even more speechless is that half a year after Yao Li and Xiao Hang got married, the father-in-law died due to cerebral infarction, and the mother-in-law actually blamed Yao Li's head, thinking that it was bad luck brought by her.
Until Yao Li gave birth to a son, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law was slightly eased.
Yao Li also knows that her mother-in-law does not want to see her, so she tries not to provoke her in normal times and strives to "respect and stay away".
However, living under the same roof, it is inevitable that there will be intersections between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, especially after the birth of the child.
That day was a weekend, Yao Li was at home to help her son with homework, and when she was angry with her careless son, her mother-in-law said that there was no celery at home, and her blood pressure was a little high these two days, and she wanted to eat fried celery.
Yao Li told her son to complete his homework within 30 minutes, so she first went to the nearby supermarket to buy some celery and came back to check his homework.
Who knows, Yao Li came back from outside and found that her son was hiding in her mother-in-law's room, eating lollipops and looking at the tablet, and the homework only wrote a few randomly, and a few wrong questions.
The son's eyes are pseudo-myopia, as well as tooth decay, usually look at the tablet to eat sugar, are strictly controlled, but the mother-in-law is distressed about the child, completely disregarding these.
Yao Li was furious and took her son back to the room and prepared for a good education.
The mother-in-law saw that she was dissuaded on the side, and Yao Li asked her to leave it alone, and then closed the door, and the son was weak and began to cry. The mother-in-law thought that Yao Li had beaten the child and shouted outside the door.
In fact, Yao Li did not hit the child. The child heard someone speaking for him and cried even louder. The mother-in-law listened anxiously and distressedly, and began to bang the door.
Yao Li was angry and opened the door to her mother-in-law and said, "Mom, I am educating my children, can you please stop interfering." ”
The mother-in-law pushed her away, pulled the child away when she entered the door, and said while walking: "You and your mother have a moral character and are impatient, so it will only scare the child, how can you educate well?" ”
Yao Li could bear anything else, but she would never back down when it came to her parents, and she and her mother-in-law quarreled.
In the end, the more the two talked, the more urgent, and the atmosphere became more and more hot. What Yao Li did not expect was that her mother-in-law was talking and talking, but she couldn't see it, but she sat paralyzed on the ground and couldn't get up.
Looking at her mother-in-law's red face, Yao Li was a little worried.
Later, Xiao Hang rushed back and called an ambulance, but his mother-in-law refused to go to the hospital. After a simple examination by the emergency doctor, the mother-in-law's body was not in serious trouble except for her high blood pressure.
After a false alarm, Xiao Hang, who was angry and demoralized, blamed Yao Li fiercely. Yao Li was also frightened, and at Xiao Hang's strong request, went to apologize to her mother-in-law.
For the next few days, the mother-in-law kept shouting headaches, asking her to go to the hospital and refusing to go, that is, she was bedridden.
Xiao Hang and his mother-in-law had a very good relationship, and when they saw her like this, they also had a somber face all day; Yao Li also felt bored, and the atmosphere of the whole family became very depressed.
Yao Li really couldn't stand such an atmosphere, and under Xiao Hang's complaints from time to time, she apologized to her mother-in-law again in order to calm things down. This made the mother-in-law get up and start walking normally.
What she did not expect was that the mother-in-law and Xiao Hang and the child talked and laughed, always had a cold face for her, and even did not want to eat with her at the dinner table.
Yao Li was also a little angry, and had apologized twice and refused to give up, but Xiao Hang said that she was not sincere in her apology, so her mother-in-law was like this.
Yao Li had been blamed by Xiao Hang countless times these days, and finally couldn't help but argue with him, and finally, the mother-in-law who heard the noise also entered.
Yao Li was furious, and Xiao Hang, as her husband, not only did nothing when dealing with the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but repeatedly added fuel to the fire and blamed herself.
She was completely chilled and offered to end the marriage.
Seeing that the mother-in-law who did not accept it, thought that she was just making a show, she sneered: "Leave away, you don't regret it when the time comes." ”
Yao Li was an acute child, and on the same day, she went to her classmates who were lawyers, consulted on issues related to marital property, and printed the divorce agreement.
The next day, Yao Li took out the divorce agreement and placed it in front of her mother-in-law and Xiao Hang.
Because the mortgage is hung under Yao Li's provident fund account, the property rights of the house are hers, so she asked Xiao Hang and her mother-in-law to move away, and she paid compensation.
Moreover, Yao Li also wants custody of the child. If Xiao Hang did not agree, she would go through the judicial process to fight to the end, anyway, she worked in the unit and had a lot of time.
Xiao Hang and his mother-in-law were suddenly confused.
The mother-in-law just wanted to say something, and Xiao Hang, who reacted, asked her to go back to the room first, and then frowned and said to Yao Li: "What do you mean, it is necessary to make it like this, have you considered the growth of the child?" ”
Yao Li proposed that either let the mother-in-law move back to the original house to live, and everyone should keep a distance, maintain respect, and live a good life; or stop the loss in time.
In the end, Yao Li's counterattack won thoroughly, and her mother-in-law moved back to her original house and would only come to live for two days on the weekend. The attitude towards Yao Li is obviously much more polite.
Just like Grandma Jiang in "Flowing Golden Years", it was not until the daughter-in-law was completely away that she finally understood the truth of the true heart between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law.
She regretted that she had not gotten along well with her daughter-in-law for decades.
Teacher Wu Zhihong once said:
"Chinese mothers like to build a symbiotic relationship with their sons, the symbiotic relationship has a strong xenophobia, the mother-in-law will see the daughter-in-law as an intruder, and is an absolute intruder, so there is great hostility."
The root cause of the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is men. Although maintaining a sense of boundaries is the best way for mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to get along, the most important thing is the attitude of men.
Men can carry clearly, have responsibility, and have deeds, and the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can be harmonious and beautiful.
Good times are always short, thank you for reading this, I hope the story between us will continue, the bar is ready to listen here, is your story ready?