Balzac said: "The so-called love can satisfy everything, but for couples: as for couples, in addition to the sky as a roof and a green carpet, there is something more to be needed." ”
But in fact, after the sweet period of glue like paint, even couples "need more things."
These things are tolerance, understanding, growth, the ability to love people, the courage to be loved, how to deal with intimate relationships, the courage to still believe in love after quarrels...
When couples enter this state, when you can't love and can't separate, you know if it's true love.
It's simple – disconnected!
As the saying goes, "If you slow down, you're round".
Disconnect for a while, let each other be calm and calm, and listen to their own inner voices.
01 After the disconnection, can you bear not to think of the other party
Two people who get along day and night on weekdays, once disconnected, will definitely miss each other madly. Even if someone is not so attentive in this relationship, he/she has become accustomed to the existence of the other party, and even used to dependence, and suddenly returns to the state of a person, which must not be adapted.
I will definitely remember the bits and pieces of the two people together, the tender feelings of the past will be vividly remembered, and the viciousness of the quarrel will also come to mind. At this time, you can take care of the relationship between the two people.
Ask yourself, are you the right person? Are you all in agreement?
Even if you like to be quiet, he likes to be lively, but you all like to be clean and tidy, you will not take advantage of others in the world, in the face of right and wrong, good and evil, you are consistent, this is enough.
Ask yourself, how did your love begin? What's most appealing to you? Is it still there?
We often say that we do not forget our original intentions, and no matter how far we go, we must not forget where we started. The same is true for love.
Ask yourself, how did you get to this point? Is he starting to be willful, he is starting to be indifferent? Did he start to take it himself, or was he selfish?
After disconnection, think carefully about these questions and give yourself an answer, which is the attitude that a relationship should be taken seriously.
And if after breaking off the connection, you don't miss each other so much, and the other party is a dispensable existence, it is definitely not true love.
02After the disconnection, whether you are willing to tolerate each other's "shortcomings"
There is no perfect lover.
Someone said:
"You suddenly meet a person who is perfectly compatible with you, you must be careful, without such a person, he must be able to approach you purposefully, don't believe in fairy tales so much." 」
Deeply.
So, even if we love each other again, he will have "shortcomings" that make your teeth itch. It is precisely because of the existence of these "shortcomings" that there will be so much friction and quarrel in intimate relationships.
Two people are obviously deeply in love, why can't they be together?
I've seen a little story like this:
The two are college classmates and are very much in love. But after work, boys think that girls do not have to be so serious about work, there is no need to work so hard, there are many interesting things to do in life besides work. Not only that, but the attitude of girls towards relatives is also intolerable to boys. Boys think that they can't respond to relatives and learn to refuse.
Can these two points be called disadvantages?
In a relationship, where you can't stand each other, let's call it "flaws". Such "disadvantages" actually exist in every couple.
In fact, everyone doesn't grow up in a day!
The boy grew up in a good family, born in a big city, his parents did not have too many requirements for him, only hope that he can be healthy and happy, and it is good to spend his life in peace. And the woman grew up in the countryside, it is not too much to say that it is the "hope of the whole village", it is her mission to enter a good university and find a good job in a big city, so she attaches so much importance to her work. Self-esteem and even vanity made her responsive to her relatives' requests.
If the boy can think about the reasons behind the "shortcomings" of the girl, he will understand her better, understand her more, and love her more. And girls will also cherish boys more because of this understanding.
After disconnecting, think about whether you can tolerate each other's "shortcomings"? More importantly, think about the reason behind this "shortcoming", whether it is true love, you will have the answer in your heart.
I have always felt that "I understand you" is more moving than "I love you", and it is the basis of true love.
03 After the disconnection, whether there is still yourself
How many people have lost themselves in love, doing things they don't like for the sake of their lover, and even slowly becoming their most disgusting appearance.
Good love is grown by two people together and will make you a better version of yourself, more at ease, more confident, and more self-loving.
Like the saying – I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I'm around you!
After love, do you still have yourself?
After the disconnection, we should think about this problem the most. Is this the love you want, the love you want?
Just like Shu Ting's declaration in "To the Oak Tree":
"You have your brass branches and iron stems / Like a knife, like a sword, also like a halberd / I have my red flowers / Like a heavy sigh / And like a heroic torch / We share the cold tide, the wind and thunder, the thunderbolt / We share the mist, the stream, the rainbow / As if separated forever / But it is forever dependent / This is the great love,"
Just like Yi Shu's sobriety in "The First Half of My Life":
"The relationship between lovers will not last, which relationship will last, husband and wife relationship?" Friendship? Competitive relationship? No matter what kind of relationship, you must constantly motivate yourself and fresh yourself. ”
And Mr. Yang Dai wrote in the "100-year-old Testimonial":
"Teenagers are greedy, young people are obsessed with love, prime-age people are attracted to fame and family, and twilight years are content with self-deception."
Life geometry, how much fine gold can be refined by stubborn iron? We once longed so much for the waves of fate, and only then did we find out in the end that the most beautiful scenery of life is the calm and calm in the heart;
We have been so eager for outside recognition that in the end we know that the world is our own and has nothing to do with others. ”
First there is oneself, then there is life, there is true love, there is everything.
Otherwise, "the skin will not be hairy"?