Xiaobian is in home isolation, if you are asked at this time, "Which ability do you think is the most important to cultivate your child?" I must not hesitate to answer loudly "will do housework"!
Will do housework, to the small, improve the quality of life and promote family harmony; to the big, in the anxious state, help us find a sense of order and happiness in life; to the legend, today's sharing of this immigrant mother from a poor family, by letting 3 sons help with housework from an early age, cultivated a super school bully + billionaire.
The mother not only stipulates that "you can't play games without housework", but also lays out a housework list for the three children to work together. "Pig teammates" are too late to cultivate, but it is really opportune to catch the children.
Today, we will read the educational story of this legendary family together, and at the end of the article, there is also a super practical "Age-sharing Housework Plan common in American families", which can be done with children during staying at home
A Chinese-American mother has attracted the attention of the American media to "crack the wall".
She came from a poor background and grew up in a poor farming family in Malaysia. At the age of 17, she immigrated to the United States with no education or money.
But people have raised a super powerful son! And it's not one, it's three!
The eldest son, Justin, graduated from Yale and founded Twitch while studying physics and psychology. In 2014, Twitch was sold to Amazon for $970 million.
Daniel, the second son, founded Cruise to develop self-driving cars, and in 2016, General Motors acquired Cruise for more than $1 billion in cash and stock.
One billionaire in one family is already a great thing, and her family has produced two in one go! Even the "most inconspicuous" young son became a brilliant software engineer.
In an interview with the media, the sons told everyone that it was their mother's "housework education method" that taught them how to start and manage a company.
▲ Interviews with the famous business media Business Insider on the eldest son Justin and the second son Daniel. Both attributed their success to doing chores as kids as children.
#01
"You can't eliminate the bad parts of life
Otherwise good times will become meaningless."
If there is any secret to Justin's mother (referred to as J's mother), it is: from an early age, let her three sons help with housework.
Not only doing housework, when she goes out to work, she will not be soft on her sons to use them as child labor.
For example, she used to work as a real estate agent and had to repair a tattered rental house and its furniture on weekends before renting it out or selling it.
So, every weekend, Mum J takes her three sons to do all the nasty repair of the house - such as painting the house, repairing the tables and chairs, and cleaning... Children also often need to help their mothers with some basic office work, such as entering loan data.
Justin said:
“
Helping my mother work is stressful and painful. I'll never forget that when we were cleaning up the house and complaining, she would say to us, 'Do you think these jobs are hard?' If you go to the place where I used to live (a Malaysian farm), I promise you won't be able to hold on for even a day! ’
She also told us that living is painful in a way, but it's also beautiful and that you have to accept that the good and the bad coexist. You can't eliminate the bad parts, or the good times will become meaningless.
#02
Special housekeeping methods
Exercise your child's "team spirit"
While encouraging the children to do housework, Mama J's method of arranging housework is also very special.
There are three boys in the family, but Mum J doesn't assign tasks to each person individually like other parents do. Instead, she simply made a "housework list" and then left her three sons to negotiate and choose what to do on their own.
Moreover, as long as the housework on the list is not completed, all three sons are not allowed to play computer games!
"We all feel it's unfair to think that's going to be, but the important thing is that doing housework does teach us a lot of things," Justin said. It takes us from 'thinking only about ourselves' to 'knowing our responsibilities' and makes us realize that we are a team. ”
Soon, doing housework becomes "organizing a team to complete a task", working together, understanding the characteristics of each person, assigning tasks, controlling the situation, calculating each other's workload... These trainings continue to improve the children's ability to perform.
Justin said in an interview:
I think doing housework is actually the same as starting a company. Any startup, everyone is like sitting on the same boat, and it doesn't matter who does what. We just need to do certain things well in order to be successful. If we succeed, then everyone wins. If we don't succeed, everyone loses.
Of course, people in large companies feel differently. But from an organizational point of view, you really need a goal and work together for that goal.
It was Mom's approach to education that taught the three brothers how to work in a team and taught them how to set goals.
#03
Non-traditional "tiger mothers" leading by example
In life, the three brothers called their mother "Tiger Mother", but they also said that she was not a tiger mother in the traditional sense.
The place where Mma J"s "tiger" is "demanding", but the way she motivates her children is not punishment, she does not like to punish children.
Instead, she sets high standards to motivate children and then leads by example.
Mama J is of Chinese descent and came to the United States from Malaysia when she was 17 years old. She grew up in Malaysia to poor peasant families, both of whom were farmers.
When I first arrived in the United States, My Mother J didn't know anything. But she was a studious, going to a cheap community college for two years before transferring to the University of Washington, where she earned a bachelor's degree in physics and a master's degree in computer science. After graduation, he began to work for a data equipment company, and after a few years, he switched to real estate brokerage. hungry
Mom always said to us: You have to do your best in everything you do. I translate this sentence to: If you want to be the best person, you have to work hard to become the best. It's a great way of life, and it encouraged me to start a startup and try to do it well.
To this day, I can really appreciate my accomplishments because I can say to myself – I earned them on my own. I wouldn't have gotten where I am today without hard work, and that's what I learned from my mom. That's what makes life worthwhile.
#04
Experts say that doing housework = success in life!
Indeed, the value of doing housework may be far greater than you think.
In 2002, Marty Rossmann, a professor at the University of Minnesota who specializes in family education research, published a study that shocked the education community: Parents can have a vital positive impact on their children's future by encouraging their children to participate in housework —cultivating their children's sense of responsibility, allowing them to put themselves in the shoes of others, and learning to care for others.
Promotes the development of children's large motor and fine motor skills.
These actions can not only make the child's physical fitness well exercised, but also make the child more intelligent, promote the development of the part of the brain responsible for abstract thinking, and improve the child's reading, writing and numeracy skills.
Doing housework can also bring happiness to children.
The study found that when children find that they can make meaningful contributions to their families, they feel a deep happiness that comes from the heart.
In the long run, taking an active role in housework from elementary school can also allow children to have happier marriages.
In a 2007 report released by the Pew Research Center, shared housework was one of the top three factors in measuring marital satisfaction. A 2013 study on family issues in the United States also found that couples who know how to share housework with each other have a happier and longer married life.
The actual situation can be very worrying, as the American developmental psychologist Richard Rende once said:
Today's parents want their children to spend their time on things that will lead to their success, yet, ironically, we are abandoning one thing that has been shown to predict success in life – that is, to get children to start doing housework from an early age.
Frank Furedi, a professor of sociology at the University of Kent, also pointed out that society and families are now "infantizing" the younger generation, resulting in more and more adolescents being psychologically slow to mature, and some people are nearly 30 years old and unable to live independently from their families.
Like the United States, China actually faces the same situation.
Because of the lack of housework exercise, children's prefrontal lobes are now developing later and later, and the prefrontal lobes dominate human emotional control, self-awareness, rational thinking, judgment and decision-making, long-term planning and delayed gratification.
▲ That blue brain is the "prefrontal lobe"
#05
Housework starts with toddlers
How to cultivate the habit of doing housework in children?
The key is to start early!
Based on the massive data of San Francisco households collected by renowned education researcher Diana Baumrind over 25 years, Dr. Rossmann analyzed the participation of children in household chores at three age groups (3-4, 9-10 and 15-16 years), compared their learning, career and relationship status at the age of 25, and measured the impact of variables such as family education style, gender, IQ value, etc., and finally found that:
Compared with children who only began to participate in housework at the age of 9-10 or even 15-16 years old, children who began to learn to do housework at the age of 3-4 have a closer and more harmonious relationship with their families by the time of adolescence, and generally have stronger abilities at the age of 25, and are more likely to grow into adults who can adapt well to society.
According to Dr. Rossmann, "If parents only begin to ask their children to participate in housework during adolescence between the ages of 9 and 10 or even 15 to 16, the child will think that the parents are forcing them to do something they don't want to do." Because by that age, it's hard for children to realize that the core meaning of sharing housework is that each of us is part of the family and must contribute to the family.
Psychologist Madeline Levine explains the reason behind this phenomenon: "When children come back from school, telling them to just focus on their studies and not help with housework is actually sending the message to children that credits and personal achievement are more important than caring for family members and contributing to the family... When a child is young, this may seem like a very weak piece of information, but over time, over time, it becomes an ingrained idea. ”
In fact, at 18 months, a child can be encouraged to participate in appropriate housework. Psychologists have found that it is at this age that children naturally develop a natural motivation to help others for the first time in their lives. If you're good at observing your child, you'll find that around 18 months, when you're having trouble opening the door or picking up a clothesline, your child may immediately reach out his little hand to try to help.
At this time, it is easy for parents to ignore their children's motivations, thus nippling the bud of their children's desire to help others and contribute to the family. Because young children are usually more and more helpful, the instinctive reaction of parents is to drive the children away and then quickly finish the housework themselves. However, the removal of the child wasted the most precious moment of his life.
Having a child help may make you spend more time washing dishes, but it can easily make your child enthusiastic about helping with housework far better than you would be when you start teaching them in adolescence.
#06
Seven ways to help children fall in love with housework
Make age-specific chores
Once you notice your child's desire to help, start making age-appropriate chores for him, from simple to complex as your child grows.
Many parents have low expectations for their children's ability to do housework, but even very young children will surprise you! Therefore, boldly and constantly giving them new tasks and more difficult challenges, in the process of trying to complete these tasks, they will continue to enhance their understanding of their own abilities, which will greatly help children to build self-confidence in living independently in this world.
Use clever language to pique your child's interest
Last year, Child Development, an authoritative journal in the field of child psychology in the United States, published a study for children aged 3-6, and researchers found that thanking children for "being a helper" can significantly increase their willingness to help than directly ordering children to help others. That's because children want to be recognized as "good kids who are helpful and capable of helping others."
▲Child Development, an authoritative journal in the field of child psychology research in the United States
Keep housework on your child's schedule
Put housework into your child's daily schedule, such as following piano practice and soccer practice, and keep it constant and make it a habit.
Do housework like playing games
Behavioral scientists have demonstrated the impact of "gamification" in our lives. Researchers have found that translating everyday tasks (such as exercise, study, work, etc.) into a game-like experience can greatly improve efficiency and drive.
You can set up a break-through session for your child in the housework like in the game, starting with a simple start, going up a level for each task completed, and then facing new tasks of greater difficulty, such as making the child fold clothes to winning the right to use the washing machine.
Don't skimp on praise, don't give rewards
Psychology divides the drive into internal drive and extrinsic drive.
Intrinsic drive comes from your willingness to really want to do something because you enjoy the process of doing it, are interested in it, or think it's worth doing. External drives are driven by certain people or financial gain.
The problem with external drive is that your satisfaction is associated with external stimuli; therefore, without rewards, there is no longer motivation to act.
Studies have shown that external rewards actually reduce intrinsic drive. With regard to housework, psychologists believe that paying children for labor will reduce the child's internal motivation to help others, turning "selfless help to others" into a business transaction.
Regardless of your child's performance, give him a firm compliment for his efforts. Even if the child does mess things up, instead of blaming him for his incompetence, it is better to affirm his efforts and encourage his progress.
Choose the right form of task so that your child understands the true meaning of doing housework
To build prosocial behaviors, such as empathy for putting yourself in the shoes of others, housework should take turns and focus on taking care of the family (e.g., cleaning the living room, making breakfast for everyone) rather than taking care of yourself (cleaning your own bedroom, or making yourself breakfast).
From this, children understand that "doing housework" is a way to reflect family responsibilities and mutual care between family members.
Create positive family public opinion for the "housework" thing
Don't associate housework with punishment, as this will cause resentment in your child. Pay attention to talking about housework in a positive or at least neutral manner, and if you always complain about doing housework, your child will certainly be less willing to do it.
If you show a gesture of having fun, the child will naturally look at it from a positive perspective as well.
Finally, I would like to present you with the "Age-sharing Housework Plan Common in American Families", for the future success and happiness of our children, let them roll up their sleeves and do the housework.
Age-specific housekeeping programs common in American households
18 months to 3 years old
Pack up books and toys
Put your clothes in the laundry basket
Put dirty dishes in the dishwasher (take all the sharp cutlery beforehand!). ）
Help sorting clothes and putting clothes in the washing machine
Help remove desktop debris
Helps clean up spilled liquids (e.g., coffee, tea, wine)
Watering the flower
Feed the pets
Let them hold their socks in their hands and wipe the table and doorknobs
4 to 5 years old
The above tasks are included, and additional additions can be added:
Help making the bed
Help with getting things out of the car into the house
Help set up the dishes before meals
Help with weeding in the yard
Help with some simple work when preparing meals
6 to 7 years old
Make your own bed
Clean the room with a vacuum cleaner
Keep your room clean and tidy
Take out the trash
Pack up your washed clothes
Cleaning the garage
Sort laundry
8 to 9 years old
Bring pets for a walk
Make some simple snacks or meals
Clean the toilets
Operate the dishwasher
Tidy up the garage
10 years old and older
Car wash
Clean the kitchen
Change of bed linen
Wipe the windows
Yard weeding (under the supervision of an adult)
Wash the bathroom
Cook your meal independently
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