Author: Gloria
Hehe's mother said that her biggest regret was that she was too spoiled with children, resulting in her four-year-old son being dissuaded by three kindergartens in a row.
Hehe grew tall, but he could hardly take care of himself, the teacher fed even if he didn't go to the toilet, urinated on the pants, had to trouble the teacher to change several pairs of pants a day, and the children could not get along, always loved to fight, and bit people when they didn't agree.
The first kindergarten lasted for a semester and was politely rejected by the teacher.
The second kindergarten went to for a week and was persuaded by the teacher to quit.
The third kindergarten was more direct and was rejected during the interview.
Mother Hehe was also worried about whether there was anything wrong with the child, and deliberately took the child to the hospital for examination.
After some evaluation, it was found that the growth and development of grasses over four years old were greatly delayed, whether it was fine movements, language, cognition, or social ability development, they could not meet the indicators, and even did not meet the standards of three-year-old children.
After the doctor's meticulous questioning of Hehe's mother, it was finally concluded:
The root of the problem is that the family is too spoiled for children, everything is taken care of, Hehe yi comes to reach out and open his mouth, what he wants has not yet been expressed, and the family will be satisfied early. It seems to be pampered, but in fact, it is deprived of the opportunity to use and think by parents, and loses the ability to learn.
The mother who has always regarded Hehe as the flesh of her heart to love, never expected that her excessive pampering would become the greatest harm to the child.
Many families now, often six adults spoil one or two children, naturally pampered, we understand the parents love the child's mood, but the harm of the habitual child, wait until the kindergarten will erupt!
01
Everything depends on the child's time
Kindergartens will erupt with "irregular work and rest" suffering
I also suffered a lot in kindergarten because I was too spoiled, which led to my son's chaotic schedule.
When it is time to sleep, the son has to watch TV, so he watches sleepy and then sleeps; in the morning, when the sun is basking, the child wants to lie in bed, so he sleeps until he wakes up naturally; get up at ten o'clock to eat breakfast, eat lunch at two o'clock in the afternoon, and eat and sleep are very chaotic.
I have always felt that the schedule is irrelevant, wait for school, correct for a period of time, it will naturally be better.
But I didn't expect to go to kindergarten, and my son couldn't adapt at all.
At eight o'clock, he still couldn't get up in bed; after the kindergarten morning exercise, we panicked and entered the kindergarten; at noon, the other children slept, and he was still energetic; in the afternoon, the children played outdoors, but he began to lose his temper.
After barely surviving for more than a month, the child's state was getting worse and worse, I was physically and mentally exhausted, and the teacher was also very hard.
One day, the teacher very euphemistically suggested to me to send my children to the kindergarten after taking a nap, and to adjust my work and rest at home in the morning...
In desperation, I could only put aground work and "adjust" my son's schedule at home. He is also very sensitive and often asks me: "Mom, why can other children go to kindergarten in the morning, is it that the teacher does not like me?" ”
I'm annoyed that the messy situation of the child today stems from my past pampering and casualness.
Argyrie/Benandrot mentions in the book From Age 0:
"Parents must help their children develop regular routines. Stable work and rest, adequate sleep, regular exercise, and a balanced diet create a healthy body;
More importantly, a steady schedule allows children to know exactly what to do in the next time period, thus establishing their inner sense of rhythm and thus generating a predictable sense of security. ”
Regular work and rest, it is recommended that parents refer to the kindergarten schedule, focusing on regular eating and sleeping time points:
Get up at 7:00, take a nap at 12:00-14:00, and go to bed at 21:00;
Breakfast at 8:00, snacks at 10:00, lunch at 11:30, snacks at 15:30, dinner at 18:00.
There may be slight differences in the schedule of different kindergartens, you can go to your child's kindergarten in advance to find out.
At least half a year before entering kindergarten, help children develop regular routines. Otherwise, the chaotic schedule will really make the child suffer in the kindergarten, and make the parents miserable.
02
Yi Lai reached for food to open his mouth
Kindergartens will erupt in the "life can not take care of themselves" suffering
A private kindergarten in Xining once released the "seven articles of persuasion" information.
One is like this: "Kindergarten is to cultivate children's behavior habits, comprehensive ability of the collective living place, children need to grow up in the kindergarten collective environment, if parents just blindly require our teachers to take care of all kinds of life, sorry, we are not nannies, please leave!" ”
As soon as the information came out, it caused controversy from all sides, with parents opposing and parents supporting.
It is undeniable that children who cannot take care of themselves will really be dissuaded by kindergartens like Hehe.
Star Mayashu's daughter Mia is no exception.
Mayashu is very spoiled Mia, in order to avoid the child bumping, she even removed all the furniture in the living room, the family sat on the ground like a picnic to eat, she also admitted that she was too spoiled daughter: "I always hold her in the palm of my hand, basically as long as she calls Mommy, I will respond to her." 」 ”
Under the pampering of her mother, Mia, who is more than three years old, will not wear and take off her pants, cannot go to the toilet by herself, and is euphemistically "dissuaded" by the teacher, if she does not solve the problem of Mia going to the toilet within two weeks, she will face withdrawal.
Mayashu tried to train her daughter to put on and take off her pants, but as long as Miya refused, she always compromised and had no choice but to help her daughter put on her pants.
She and her foreign husband Robert had a parenting disagreement earlier, and because of the fierce quarrel between Mia's toilet, her father insisted on "letting go and letting the child be independent", but the mother always couldn't bear it and wanted to let the child take it slowly.
On his daughter's question, Robert understands thoroughly: "Mia refuses to do everything herself, but in fact, my wife has always taken care of the child as a baby. She needs to be independent, it's my responsibility with mom and I, and we should give our children the opportunity to be independent.
Mr. Chen Heqin, a famous educator, proposed: "Whatever a child can do on his own, he should be allowed to do it himself." ”
The Learning and Development Guidelines for Children Aged 3-6, developed by the Ministry of Education, clearly state that:
Children aged 3-4 can eat on their own with a spoon or chopsticks, can go to the toilet on their own, can put on and take off clothes or shoes and socks with help; and can put books and toys back in place.
Children aged 4-5 can put on and undress, shoes and socks, buttons, and organize their own belongings.
Children aged 5-6 can add clothes according to the weather, wear shoes with shoelaces, and organize items according to the weather.
Of course, these abilities are not learned in one day or two, and parents should "advance" to create more time and opportunities for their children to "do their own things" to help their children become independent as soon as possible.
The habit of wearing children's clothes to stretch out their hands and food to open their mouths will not only make children adapt to kindergarten life, but also make children lose the ability to use their brains and solve problems independently, resulting in children being lazy and dependent on personality, and lack of responsibility.
03
Too protective of children
Kindergartens will erupt in the bitterness of "interpersonal communication."
The little cloud in our neighborhood is a very beautiful little girl.
Grandpa hurts his granddaughter, every time he goes out, he holds her in his arms, afraid that she will be injured, rarely let her play with children, and occasionally children take the initiative to play with her, and Grandpa always protects his granddaughter behind him.
Over time, the children did not play with The Little Cloud, she always followed Grandpa and played with the old men and women.
After going to kindergarten, she listened to her mother say that Xiaoyun was very unaccustomed to group life, lonely, did not know how to communicate with teachers, and was even more reluctant to play with children.
In fact, this is all the trouble caused by Grandpa's too much protection of Xiao Yunduo.
The Parenting Encyclopedia clearly states: "For children over 2 years old, the best way to learn to get along with other people is to get a lot of learning opportunities." Although some of his current behaviors are not conducive to interacting with people, parents should actively create opportunities for him to play with other children, rather than learning and playing with parents. ”
Children over two years old are more concerned about their own needs by nature, and even behave selfishly, and it is difficult to interact with other children when playing with other children, but the more this is the case, the more parents need to provide children with the opportunity to interact with other children in a safe environment.
At the beginning, the number of playmates can be controlled at 1-2, parents can observe from the side, but try to let the children make their own decisions, and the children need to learn to play with other children.
During the play, children will learn to listen and understand the needs of others without a teacher, and thus learn to organize language and better express their wishes;
When playing with toys, it is a good opportunity to educate children about the sense of ownership of property rights, and you can tell children these rules: my toys are my master, other people's toys cannot be moved without permission, and public toys should be lined up to play;
When children and children have conflicts, grab toys, beat people, etc., it is a good opportunity to cultivate children to deal with interpersonal relationships, and parents try not to interfere and let children solve problems on their own.
You can tell your child: if you have a problem, you can't hit someone; if you are beaten, you can shout "you can't hit someone", and if necessary, you can protect yourself.
Seemingly simple children's play is actually a great time for children to develop social skills.
Psychologist Adler believes that if a child has not learned the way of socialism, he will inevitably go to the path of isolation, and develop a solid feeling of inferiority, which will seriously affect his lifelong development.
Overprotecting children, thinking that it is love, is actually an obstacle.
The more you love your child, the more you have to let him find his own world. Otherwise, excessive protection of children will break out of the child's loneliness and suffering in the kindergarten, affecting the personality of a lifetime.
04
The best way to love children
It's about making him independent
Every child is an angel from Heaven to his parents.
We are heartbroken, loving, and eager to hold all the beauty and warmth in the world in front of our children. But the world is a child after all, good and bad, light and dark, he needs to face it himself sooner or later.
The best love that parents can give their children is psychological support forever and let go early in life.
The bitterness of habitual children will be tasted in kindergarten; the sweetness of cultivating independence can benefit children for a lifetime!
As the old saying goes, "a habitual child is like killing a child", this principle is understood by parents, but it is impossible to do it. Habitual children are the "chronic poison" that we feed our children by hand, and when he grows up, this medicine will slowly erode the child.
You can get used to the child for a while, but there is no way to take care of him for a lifetime, don't become the "murderer" of the child.
Let go properly, let him go through some storms, and not be powerless when he needs to be independent.