Have you ever heard the term "social terror"?
I believe that many parents have heard that in recent years, "social phobia" has become the standard for many people, and even some people have summarized the "characteristics of social phobia", such as:
Especially did not like to say hello to others
Meet the eyes of others and subconsciously dodge
The party was pushed all the way, and I didn't even want to go to the family gathering
Introducing yourself in public is tantamount to being tortured in public
……
Not only that, Xiaobian also found that on the Internet, topics related to "social terrorism" have also aroused many people's discussions:
In order to avoid greeting, the "adult society fears people" may slip away from the trail, or they may pretend to look down at the mobile phone and walk away...
Similarly, this kind of question also plagues many children: Why do you have to say hello to people when you go out?
I don't know if parents have ever had such a distress: every time they take their children out and see acquaintances, they will remind their children to "not call uncles" and "quickly call grandmothers"...
At this time, we will feel that respecting the elderly and being polite are virtues that should be observed from an early age. If the child insists on not saying hello, the other party will most likely say a sentence of "the child is a little shy", and some parents will also blame the child, "How can you not be polite?" Then he added, "This kid is just a little introverted." ”
As if I don't know when it began, the word introvert has been given many other meanings: shy, socially fearful, conservative, pessimistic, withdrawn, reticent.
"You're so introverted," and a lot of times, when you say it, you always feel a sense of sympathy, pity, and even a little reproach.
Teacher, my child is more introverted and does not like to talk...
Teacher, is there any way to make my child lively, he is too introverted...
teacher......
I believe that some parents have sent such words to teachers. We want to ask: Does introversion really have to change?
What are the characteristics of introverts:
Prefer to be alone, in a complex, unfamiliar environment, energy consumption is fast, in a simple and familiar environment more comfortable.
Thoughts are communicated at a slightly slower pace, but with more depth, and some ideas may not emerge until some time later.
He has a more cautious personality, does not like to be open about his ideas, and when he is interested in the environment and topics, his desire to express himself will also be stimulated.
Xiaobian remembers that in the documentary "Zero Zero", there is a little girl one by one. The first time I watched this film, she gave me the feeling that it was a kind of maverick, who didn't like to make friends, and who could play silently for a long time by herself.
Worried, the head of the kindergarten tried to guide Yiyi to play with the other children, but yiyi refused.
When I saw the 13-year-old who was in junior high school say such a paragraph, I thought this girl was very cool!
(Look, how thoughtful)
Such a small girl can play the advantage of introversion, quiet thinking, facing the camera can not be hurried, calm and calm expression, such an introverted child, who does not want to have?
In fact, introverted children can also be good at words, can also have outstanding acting skills, and can also have the various "extroverted" skills that parents expect. But don't forget that they have a greater chance of gaining the ability to reflect and think deeply.
Recently watched the "Talk Show Conference", many contestants in order to make the audience laugh, can be described as high passion, vitality, each of the magic.
Unexpectedly, what attracted me the most was an extremely introverted rookie female player: Bird Bird.
She looked weak, not very energetic, and a little mournful. Due to excessive nervousness, she occasionally laughed awkwardly, made slips of her lips, and broke into a cold sweat, and did not dare to look directly at the audience the whole time.
But just listen to her say a few words, and you will find that under her dull appearance, there is a surge of primitive vitality -- a kind of explosive force of one thunder on the ground and four or two pounds.
In the first performance, she tells the humble daily life of an introvert: habits are ignored and there is no sense of existence; fear of being ridiculed, afraid to greet people; do not feel happy, do not feel the meaning of existence. But in the end, she surprised the audience with a fictional story of "Wu Song and the Tiger".
On the one hand, she vividly describes the inner struggles of introverts - afraid to say hello to people, even if they are bitten by a tiger, and dare not rush to ask for help; on the other hand, she vividly restores the world in the eyes of introverts - thinking that everyone is like herself, with serious entanglements and self-doubt.
About 1/3 of people in this world are introverts. They like to be alone, they don't like to be lively, and they are not very good at socializing. Therefore, in the crowd, they are often overlooked. Once a bird, that is, such a person.
But who can believe that such an extremely introverted person has stood on the stage and showed his talk show to netizens?
Why do you like birds? Someone replied:
Because from her, I saw a silent minority (introvert) on the way out. Because many introverted children, when ignored and snubbed, often habitually choose silence. But the more silent, the less it is seen and understood, forming a vicious circle. But the bird broke through itself...
Xiaobian once read an author's confession on the Internet:
When I was a child, I was a very introverted child, and I liked to sit quietly on my own blocks, read books, and even sit quietly for a long time. I don't like to come to the house, I don't like to visit relatives and friends, I only have one or two close friends at each stage of growth, and I rarely participate in multi-person parties and activities.
On the one hand, my parents think that I am a particularly "convenient" child, basically do not have to care much, certainly will not run around, will not be abducted by strangers. But on the one hand, I feel that I am particularly "out of breath". Once, in order to let me play with other children, even took my books away, forced out the door, and said to me: "Don't hide at home every day, you won't even have a relationship when you go out in the future, a group of children are playing 'eagles and catching chickens' over there, you go fast..."
For a while, I don't know where my father heard about a way to exercise his child's extroversion, and when I was in college, I often took me to various dinner parties and forced me to say toasts. The result is usually that I nod and smile and then don't say a word.
For so many years, my parents who had been trying to change me had never succeeded. I am still introverted and like to be alone, but I do not have the situations that my parents are worried about, such as "being excluded", "not being able to find a marriage partner", and "not being able to survive in society".
If your kid, he's not good at socializing, don't force it, let him take it slow, he has his own rhythm. In the face of introverted children, anxiety and worry are the two least needed emotions. The best thing for parents is not to try to change their child's personality and force the child to communicate with others.
I once saw a parent who, in order to make his child extroverted, stipulate that his child must take the initiative to greet 20 strangers every day, not allowed to go home until he completes, take her to the amusement park every day, and forcefully push into the crowd. Children become more and more fearful and even more reluctant to communicate with others. Too much communication will only drain the energy of introverted children and get counterproductive results.
Don't label your child as "shy," "you're really useless," or even "not polite." If an introverted child grows up, because of his own personality problems, the parents feel worried and worried, or is intentionally or unintentionally corrected by the parents.
Then he will have inferiority to his own character, not only will not look for the advantages of his own personality, but will also be disappointed by his parents, hating why he is such a person. This kind of inferiority will cause a lot of conflicts in his heart and even cause psychological obstacles.
Finally, I want to say
Introverted personality towards the child
Parents have to give
Enough affirmation and support
If he likes to be alone
Loved reading
Enjoy playing alone
Then respect him and accept his behavior
Give him enough time
To observe society
To accumulate energy
He will become his own best