Ye Xuan used to be a popular actress on TVB, and she has filmed many TV series, and people are also popular in popular dramas.
As a rare "three high" actor in the entertainment industry, she has high appearance, high education and high IQ, which is beyond the reach of the dust.
She was admitted to the most famous girls' school in the United States with the first place in New York, which is famous, and Hillary, Song Meiling, and Bing Xin all graduated from here.
During her university years, she won the Miss Chinese International Contest and was hand-picked by Mr. Run Run Shaw to become a TVB signed artist, starting from an unbeatable starting point.
But what Ye Xuan left the deepest impression on everyone was her "madness" in love.
The declaration of love she said: "Living only for love is the highest state of being a woman" has caused a lot of controversy.
Beauty learns to fall in love like a different person, and has done many crazy things.
One can't help but wonder: what has happened to a woman who has lost herself in love?
A woman who has lost herself, desperate for love
Losing yourself in love is the southern wall that many women have bumped into in intimate relationships.
Ye Xuan was no exception.
Once on the show, she once revealed that she was a boy who jumped into the river in the cold winter.
At that time, the boy said to Ye Xuan, "You don't love me." ”
Ye Xuan asked rhetorically, "How can I prove that I love you?" ”
The boy pointed to the river next to him and said, "Jump down and believe you." ”
Ye Xuan didn't even think about it and jumped straight down.
Ye Xuan's most famous love affair is Mr. XiaoMo.
For the sake of Mr. Xiaomo, she has done a series of crazy things, and even filed a lawsuit.
At that time, Xiao Mo's ex-girlfriend had written an article entitled "Cherish Life, Stay Away from Scumbags", pointing out that Xiao Mo was a scumbag, not only splitting his legs over many girls, but also often stepping on multiple boats.
After Ye Xuan saw it, he completely exploded, so he turned on the king-like battle mode, and Mr. Xiao Mo's ex-girlfriend scolded from Weibo to the courtroom.
In the end, Ye Xuan lost the case, was punished, blacklisted, wrote an apology letter and paid a fine.
Things boiled over, causing Ye Xuan's personality to collapse, and his fame once fell to the bottom, almost ruining his acting career. Even Wang Sicong ran out and said: Ye Xuan has been "lowered his head.".
Desperate personality for love, Ye Xuan is controversial.
Back to the public, behind this personality, in fact, hidden is the characteristics of the "typical love brain":
1. Easy to be gullible:
Because there is a strong desire for love in the heart, the lack of feeling of being loved, often because of a little sweetness and touched, in the heart will give many good qualities to each other, choose unconditional trust.
2. The Helplessness of Love:
What was once lacking in the self-esteem and self-confidence part will be awakened again in intimate relationships, not believing that they are worthy of love, and affirming self-worth by constantly testing each other.
3. Willing to give:
Insecure people often feel that nothing in the world is truly their own, that they need to work hard to get it, that they are willing to give everything in an intimate relationship, and that they are at ease by constantly meeting each other's needs. It's not so much the fear of losing someone as it is the fear of not being needed.
People with a tendency to fall in love with the brain seem to be sparing no effort to love, but in fact, it is precisely the helplessness of love, and they also lack the confidence to be loved.
But this is not the result of their subjective choices, but the experience of life has imprinted this belief on the bottom of the subconscious.
Through intimate relationships, the need to sleep for many years is seen, and the desire for love hidden deep in the heart is awakened.
No matter how many times he has been burned, he is still willingly swallowed up by love.
Because behind every woman who loses herself in love is a deep desire for love.
A childhood without love is a desert of emotional hunger and thirst
The poet Wilde once said: "Loving yourself is the beginning of a lifelong romance." ”
When you are convinced that you are worthy of love, you can truly receive love.
But in this world, many people are not lucky enough, they long to be loved but never seen, can only throw these unmet needs into the storeroom of the heart, over time to accumulate.
These longings run through a person's entire life experience.
Just like Ye Xuan, she was born in a family of intellectuals, her grandparents were university professors, her father was a lawyer, and she grew up in such a literate family, but she rarely enjoyed the warmth of the family.
Mom and Dad have always had a disagreement, quarrels are commonplace, and the marriage on the verge of breaking has brought great harm to Ye Xuan.
At the age of 9, his parents formally divorced.
At the age of 10, he went to the United States to study and was accompanied by his grandparents. When she was 13 years old, her grandparents returned to China, and Ye Xuan offered her father to live independently.
Premature and independent childhood, no secure attachment relationship, the lack of fatherly love and maternal love, exercised her independent and brave qualities, and achieved career success;
It also led to the lack and helplessness of her emotions, laying the groundwork for the trauma of intimate relationships.
Every time I encounter love, I will do my best and can't wait to tell the world.
But the lack and fear in the subconscious make her unable to see the truth of love, and she is constantly frustrated and hurt.
In the face of love, it is not so much flattering as it is overwhelmed.
Some people say that for Ye Xuan's love brain, it is not encouraged or criticized, because there are no stars in love, and they are ordinary people with flesh and blood.
In Ye Xuan's mirror, many people saw their own shadows: under the strong appearance hid a helpless soul, eager to be loved.
Some time ago in the hit drama "Perfect Partner" Wu Min is such a role, she grew up in a single-parent family with special expectations for love, gave up her studies when she was young, and went abroad with her boyfriend as a companion;
After getting married, he chose to put his family first, to become a lover with one heart, to go east and west for him, and to pay with all his heart.
From the campus to the wedding dress, finally trapped in the marriage, slowly losing their sense of existence and value.
In the end, people who lack love within themselves have been looking for security all their lives.
It's like, if no one loves me, I'm just incomplete.
But the truth is that if we learn to love ourselves, we will never be able to feel our integrity.
Inward courtship, self-fulfillment is the answer
The writer Christopher wrote in his book Intimate Relationships:
Love seems to be a matter of two people, and it takes both parties to work together to become better.
But in fact, love is ultimately a person's business, if you solve your inner problems, achieve self-integration, and live yourself into a perfect appearance, no matter who you work with, or walk alone, you will meet beauty.
Tracy McMillan, a well-known American emotional expert, gave a TED talk on "Who is the Best Marriage Partner?" It is pointed out that the marriage partner that everyone really needs is themselves.
Here's the surprising conclusion she came to after three failed marriages:
Marry yourself, rich or poor.
Marry yourself, both good and bad.
Marry yourself, whether sick or healthy.
The meaning of this sentence is that we should be sincere with ourselves, see our own lack, and forgive ourselves for the mistakes we have made. Constantly revise your relationship with yourself and become a more complete person that you like.
It also reminds me of the "one circle meets another" story:
The best two people in love, each in a complete circle, walking in the same direction and speed;
Instead of merging the two broken parts into a circle, because the fusion process is destined to grind away some of the edges and corners and lose its original appearance.
Happy love is the mutual illumination of two people who are perfect in themselves.
Sometimes, waiting for a long time is just to complete ourselves, and if we are crippled, it will be difficult for anyone to wait for redemption
But the process toward emotional maturity and self-fulfillment is destined to be long and arduous:
1. Explore your own needs
Clearly sort out your emotional needs, such as security, recognition, companionship and support... In the process of combing, face up to your own needs and accept your own lack.
This not only helps us explore ourselves, but also meets the need for clear expression, which can reduce a lot of ineffective communication in the relationship and reduce the internal friction between the two people.
2. Transfer spiritual sustenance
Look for love in a broader sense, from small love to big love, breaking through the narrow definition of love and intimacy.
When a woman has a job she loves, a friend she loves, and a wide range of hobbies, even if there are some fluctuations in the marriage, it will not collapse.
Build a diversified self-system to make yourself more resilient and adaptable, energetic and stable.
3. Construct a complete self
Usually what we call love in intimate relationships is actually a sense of satisfaction and belonging brought about by the partner's behavior, but true love is unconditional, and the real purpose of a relationship is not to give or receive love from each other, but to bring yourself to emotional maturity through relationship and awaken your true self.
Seeing scarcity, accepting underindulgence, actively adjusting the pattern of life, opening yourself up bravely, and respecting your own feelings are the keys to forming an individualized self.
A person who is emotionally mature and accepts himself will awaken the seeds of love in his heart and germinate the ability to love, all of which is not triggered by the actions of others.
If you bloom, the butterflies will come.
Even if you can't wait for your butterfly, you can live as the tree under the pen of Sanmao:
Stand in an eternal, joyful posture. Half serene in the dust, half flying in the wind; Half in the shade and half in the sun.
Very silent, very proud, not dependent, not looking.
Let love take root in the life force and good things will happen.
Planning | Fish sweet
Edit | Autumn and autumn