While mopping the floor at night, the Lynx Genie randomly played a beyond's "Really Love You" to me, and hearing this song reminded me of my middle school days. At that time, a boy put a tape in my backpack, which was Beyond's "Really Love You" album. When I first saw it, my heart was pounding, even if I liked the lyrics in it, I didn't dare to take it home, I didn't dare to put it in school, I was afraid of being seen by who told the teacher, and I was afraid that my parents would find out that I was in love early. Although this song is written for the mother, love is also the mother, but that age is very sensitive, see those few words face red, do not dare to let themselves think more. The tape was carried back and forth between home and school, without pause, until I went to high school and lived on campus, so that it could find a rest place in the school dormitory.
At that time, I knew who put the tape, and I felt very happy vainly, maybe vaguely liked it. But at that time, the pressure of the family and the pressure of my parents, coupled with the feeling that I just liked it, made me not brave enough to respond to the boy. At that time, although my grades were not the first in the class, I still had the hope of being admitted to the county's key high school, so at the age of the third grade of middle school, I only remembered his name, and I only vaguely felt that he was very handsome, that kind of sunny handsomeness. However, I don't know whether it was because of my non-response or other external reasons, this boy who was still studying seriously was slowly decadent in the back. Every time I saw him with other girls, the brothers and sisters were commensurate and didn't like to learn, I couldn't tell the complexity. I hope he can learn to be a motivated and sunny person, but I don't know how to communicate with him, as the seats change, we are getting farther and farther apart, and finally we become strangers.
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After the high school admission results came out, I originally wanted to communicate with him, because I saw him fall on the list, I felt that I had hurt him, although with his grades, the chances of being admitted to high school were not great, but it would not be so decadent. He looked at me without speaking or expression, turned his head and walked away at the school gate, I was stunned there for a long time, watching his back in his white shirt go farther and farther away, as if he had never known me.
Since then, I have fallen ill, and when I see a boy who is similar to him, I can't help but want to come forward and help.
Later, when I was in my third year of high school, I saw him again, and he didn't know how to get into the same high school, but I knew that it had nothing to do with me, and he entered this high school because of the college acceptance rate of this high school. This last side already had the taste of the past, the little sunlight on his body disappeared, the white shirt became a black shirt, and the button was undone to the third on the chest. At that time, the spring was cold, and I was still wearing a sweater, but he was wearing a thin shirt, and we seemed to be in two seasons. He was stunned to see me, probably not expecting to see each other again. He said that he had come to find his sister, that is, the dry sister in junior high school, I didn't know what to say, I could only tell him in a daze that when the weather was cold, pay more attention to keep warm and pay attention to his body. He laughed after listening, then shook his head and left. It was the last time I saw him. The world is big and big, and I have never seen him since, only his name, and I remember that I owe him.
This debt has accompanied me almost until I became a mother and never had time to think of him again. Before I got married, although I knew that I could no longer see him or have any connection with his life, I was stunned every time I saw a back that looked similar to his or wore a white shirt. Sometimes walking on the street, seeing a similar back, will unconsciously speed up the pace, pretending to go over the road to confirm whether it is him. If it was really him, I didn't know what I wanted to do, but I just unconsciously wanted to go and see it.
After high school, when I encounter anything that others give me, I will thank you in person. I don't want to hurt others because of my cowardice. Later, when I was in high school, I really met a boy who was very similar to him, although he didn't have the sunshine, but the feeling was very similar, standing there, obviously a fifteen or sixteen-year-old teenager, but with decadence that should not be at this age. This contrast I call a contradiction, but in the eyes of boys, it is a little annoying. At that time, I was very popular, the boys and girls had a good relationship, and because of my short hair and thin hair and big grinning personality, I basically got along with the boys in the class. At that time, he didn't like the people in the class very much, there were always people who gave him an ugly nickname, he listened to the laughter and passed, I listened to it very uncomfortable, wanted to hug him unfairly but said it didn't matter, it was just a nickname. At that time, I was desperate to compensate him for the guilt of my junior high school classmates, to take notes for him, to supplement his English, and it was very natural for him to take snacks from my desk. Sometimes my mother made me delicious food, and I would bring him a copy from home. We went to check during the recess exercise, he was on the second floor and I was on the third floor, we watched the crowd below do the same thing, laughing, leaning on the railing together at the end of class to discuss the secretly read novel, the sun shining through the leaves of the plane tree, sprinkling on us. In physical education class, in order to improve efficiency, the teacher grouped us into groups and assigned me to the volleyball team, but I couldn't jump up and buckle the ball, and he squatted there with the boys in the class and laughed at me for growing up eating scales. I chose basketball like him, and he looked at me like a fool. A year later I knew, I was really a fool, where boys were willing to give girls half of the football field, not to mention my black face a year later because I was playing in the hot sun. But I am still very grateful to football and do not regret the choice I made, football is a very attractive sport. The love of football lasted until my college years, and I watched the World Cup all night in college, watching the World Cup while popularizing what is offside to a room full of girls, but in the eyes of the handsome guys, I was also a fool.
In the third year of high school, although we did not discuss, but because of the love of football to apply for the dalian school, unfortunately all fell off the list, the first year of the college entrance examination, no one thought that a foreign ordinary undergraduate admission score and a score line in the province is not bad. Later I learned that his score was actually a few points worse, and if it weren't for the same university as me, he would have left that year. The classmate next to him said that it was because he changed his volunteer and changed it to the same as me. I thought I was going crazy all of a sudden, why was it? I obviously wanted to help him, why did it become like this, what was wrong? Later, we all re-read, I began to prepare myself seriously, and at the same time I was also harsh on him, he said I am like his sister, I gave him a brain melon, obviously I am younger than you?! When I re-read, because of the pressure, before the exam at the end of the month, I had a fever, and A person hung salt water at the school doctor, which was the first time I had ever remembered hanging salt water, touching the needle in my hand, looking at a mouse that suddenly ran past next to me, and suddenly I burst into tears. He came to see me between recess exercises and brought me a copy of Guo Jingming's "Magic City". I read it in the time of hanging salt water, and the tears could not be stopped, and the original text could still be written like this. That's when I started to deduct my breakfast expenses and use the money I saved to buy Magic City and Sci-Fi World. This year's college entrance examination we all played well, dad's persuasion to apply for the university in the province, and finally entered the key university, his score line is not very ideal, apply for a school that I have not considered.
The name of his application was very strange, obviously it was a school in the province, but it started with a neighboring province, which led me to think that he was going to a university outside the province, until someone organized a hometown association in his freshman year, and I didn't see him. Supposedly I should have scolded him, because he knew we were in a city and hadn't come to me, which made me feel uncomfortable. But the joy of reunion overshadowed this discomfort, and we sat together like old friends who had been reunited for a long time, talking about the past, and time seemed to go forward, and it seemed to stay where we were. But time seemed to stand still again, and it stopped among us.
After graduating from college and seeing work, we spent less time chatting, as if we were strangers a lot. He never had a girlfriend, and the boys in his class laughed at him at class reunions, saying no one had invested in him. When he sent me back I said I'll invest in your stock. He was a little incredulous, and asked me repeatedly if it was true, and I said it was true, and he didn't seem to believe it and seemed to be very excited. My heart kept beating, and at that moment I realized that I liked him. But the next morning I got a text message from him asking me not to invest in his stock and saying it wasn't worth it. I sat on the bed, crying and typing: Good.
Since then, he has been a classmate in my address book rather than a friend.