The greatest success of parenthood is that your child can tell you openly no matter what happens.
Those children who are willing to tell their parents are because their parents have won their children's hearts with understanding, acceptance and love.
Author | Tomato Mom
The other day, I saw a post on the Internet.
The poster is a mother whose daughter is in the third grade of primary school and has good grades and good grades on weekdays.
But recently, her daughter has been so depressed that she locked herself in the house as soon as she came home, and last Friday she even said that she didn't want to go to school.
She asked her daughter why, but she refused to say.
The mother really had no choice, so she called her daughter's best friend, and then learned:
Her daughter was recently blackmailed when a male classmate demanded 50 yuan a week, threatening to "kill you" if she didn't.
She was really angry and sad, especially incomprehensible that when such a big thing happened, her daughter's first reaction was not to ask her parents for help.
Unexpectedly, in the comment area, many people expressed empathy for the girl:
"I was like this when I was a child, and I didn't dare to tell my parents when I was bullied by my classmates, because I knew that it was useless to say it, and I might be criticized."
"When I was 7 years old, I kicked off my toe cap and deliberately walked around my mother, and I didn't know until my mother found blood in the quilt the next day, when my socks were so sticky that I couldn't take them off..."
"I lost my ID card in high school, and I thought that I needed my parents to take a day off to accompany me to make up for it, and I started crying in the dormitory toilet anxiously."
Yes, in life, many children are bullied, make mistakes, get hurt ... I'd rather hold it in my heart and bear all the pain alone than tell my parents.
Why are children afraid to tell their parents when they have an affair?
One netizen's answer poked the hearts of many people:
"I didn't dare to tell my parents because my father would scold me first at the first time, whether it was right or wrong, he would deny me first, plus all kinds of scolding.
This is undoubtedly another injury for me, so it's basically not the kind of situation where I am going to die, and I will not communicate with them. ”
In just a few words, how much bitterness and helplessness were expressed.
Parents' practice affects the child's life, and what kind of education and experience you give your child will lead to what kind of life your child will get.
The educator Sukhomlinsky once said: When you educate your children, you are also educating yourself and testing your personality.
The child's first reaction to an accident hides the pattern of the parents.
I saw a news that a 7-year-old boy unfortunately fell while playing basketball, broke his arm, and bent into a "7" shape;
However, for fear of being scolded, he endured the pain and dragged on for a full hour before telling his parents.
After being taken to the hospital, he was told that if he arrived later, he could be permanently disabled.
Broken arm, it really hurts; But opening your mouth to your parents is even more difficult.
Remember the 12-year-old girl who jumped from the 20th floor on suspicion of stealing money?
On the day of the incident, she was suspected of stealing money from the teacher's office.
Before the matter was settled, the stubborn girl decided to jump from the 20th floor of the apartment.
Also in hasty and scribbled handwriting, he left a letter of absolute pen:
"Home is not to rely on, but to deal with the occasion with a fake smile, the 20th floor of the international apartment, I know I will only escape, thank you, the road is dirty, sorry."
A life like a flower came to an abrupt end.
Why do many children encounter things and would rather go down a desperate road than tell their parents half a point?
I think, probably because they were never seriously accepted by their parents.
Maybe it's the fear of being blamed by your parents, maybe it's the fear of being hurt twice, or maybe you know that you won't get any understanding and response...
An anonymous netizen who almost committed suicide with depression because he was bullied by his classmates for a long time, described his experience of "asking for help" with his parents:
The first time, when a classmate scribbled on her book, her parents advised her to be generous and not to worry about them.
The second time, when a classmate called her a slut, she went home and cried to her parents, but the response was: "You don't care what they say, just do your own thing." ”
The third time, a classmate locked her in the toilet and poured dirty water on her, she couldn't stand it anymore, begged her parents to let her transfer to another school, but her parents coldly refused.
Until the fourth time, she locked herself in the bedroom and cut her wrist with a knife ...
Fortunately, the wound was not deep, and she was rescued in time.
However, her heart was already cold, and she no longer wanted to have the slightest connection with her parents.
Parents, who should be the most trusted people of the child, are the warmest and most secure beings.
If something happens, the child's first reaction is not to ask for help from his parents.
That can only show that there are big problems with the way parents get along with their children and the emotional connection.
I remember one time, I was eating at a hot pot restaurant.
A boy about 6 or 7 years old at the next table accidentally broke his plate, just as his parents went to get the dip and were not with him.
Facing the waiter who rushed to hear the sound, he did not panic, but said calmly: "Uncle, I'm sorry, I'll deal with it when my father comes back." ”
This calmness without panic, and the trust that naturally shows to my parents, I remember it deeply.
A child who makes a mistake and faces it calmly, without humility and arrogance, must have a pair of parents who know how to accept and will support him at any time.
In the novel "Wisdom Teeth" by the fairy tale king Zheng Yuanjie, such a story is told:
The girl Liang Xin was framed by her classmates and wronged her for stealing her classmates' wallets.
The teacher called her into the office to force her to question, but Liang Xin insisted that she had not stolen anything, and her first reaction was: "I want to call my parents." ”
When he heard this, the teacher couldn't help but be stunned.
Because students encounter this kind of thing, the most afraid is that the teacher will find the parents to complain. Unexpectedly, this little girl was not afraid and offered to find her parents.
It can be seen how much Liang Xin trusts her parents and firmly believes that her parents will support her.
Modern psychologists propose that parents should be a "safe base" for their children.
That is, no matter how old the child is or how far away from his parents, when he feels danger or needs comfort, the first thing that comes to mind is to seek the help of his parents.
The child's dependence on his parents and the confidence not to be afraid of rejection will become his most solid armor, accompanying him through difficulties and moving forward bravely.
There is a passage on the Internet that says it well:
The meaning of the existence of parents is not to give children a comfortable and prosperous life, but when you think of your parents, your heart will be full of strength, you will feel warm, and thus have the courage and ability to overcome difficulties.
To give children this courage and strength, parents should create a relaxed and warm environment from an early age.
Be sure to nourish your child from everyday details and cultivate your own pattern.
1. When children make mistakes, you need acceptance instead of blaming.
I saw a story about an 11-year-old boy who sneaked to a bridge to set off prohibited fireworks.
As a result, the police found that he wanted to be fined, and he had no money, so he had to go home to his father to ask for it.
Dad heard this and asked him, "Did you set off the fireworks?" ”
He nodded tremblingly, ready to meet his father's punishment.
Unexpectedly, Dad did not blame him, but said to him gently but firmly:
"I can help you pay this fine, but I borrowed you temporarily, and you must pay me back within a year."
So, over the next year, he worked hard to shine his shoes, wash dishes, and pick up scraps, finally earning money back to his father.
This little boy was the future US President Reagan.
Every growing child will make mistakes, and if parents face their children's mistakes, they always subconsciously accuse and roar, which will only increase the psychological burden of children.
Smart parents know how to accept their children's mistakes with love and tolerance, and lead them all the way.
2. When a child is bullied, don't trivialize, but support him.
Don't underestimate your child's every "unsatisfactory" and "small injury", only the child knows best the helplessness and despair after he encounters unfair treatment.
As a parent, you must stand in his perspective, attach importance to every little thing that is "related", and give your child enough respect and love.
In the TV series "In the Name of the Family", Li Jianjian fought with others in order to "uphold justice" for his neighbor's brother.
When the other party's parents came to complain, Li's father did not accuse or blame, but decisively stood on his daughter and "shouted wrongs" for his daughter.
On weekdays, no matter what grievances his daughter suffers outside, as long as Dad Li knows, he will always support his daughter at the first time.
Under the "short protection" of Li's father, Li Jianjian is particularly optimistic, cheerful and confident.
She did not make a fool of herself because she was a "scumbag", but always insisted on her favorite hobby of wood carving, and later opened her own wood carving studio.
Don't underestimate the parents' "support" for their children every time.
The child knows that he has the protection and care of his parents along the way, so that he can follow his own path with certainty.
3. When your child encounters setbacks, don't hit, but give encouragement.
When a child experiences setbacks, parents must first give emotional support and not fight denial.
An 8-year-old girl likes Chinese very much, but in the latest exam, because she did not finish the Chinese essay, she was depressed.
So her parents wrote a letter to her:
Yesterday, you didn't do well in the Chinese test, were you in a bad mood? Don't care!
You can't be entirely blamed for not writing the essay. Mom and I are also responsible...
Don't be discouraged, my daughter... You have to believe in yourself, you are the best in our hearts!
Gentle words of encouragement, accompanied by a picture of the whole family, simply not too warm.
Sure enough, the next day the girl finished reading the letter, swept away the haze, and went to school happily.
This is undoubtedly wise for parents.
With plenty of love and understanding, they inject a force into the child's heart.
I believe that no matter what setbacks this girl encounters in the future, she can face it with a better attitude and get through the difficulties with the support of her parents' love.
Finally, I would like to send a message to all parents:
Hopefully, your child's first reaction after breaking something is not "It's over, my dad will kill me", but "It looks like I need to call my dad".
I hope that after your child fails the test, the first reaction is not "dead and scolded when you go home", but "I really want to scatter with my mother".
I hope that after your child falls out of love, the first reaction is not "Alas, they must say 'deserve' again", but "Hehe, in the future, movie tickets will be bought by my father".
Being able to raise such open-minded and optimistic children is a lifetime blessing for parents.
And being able to have such warm and relaxed parents is not the greatest happiness for children.
The so-called parents and children are actually a two-way rush about love and trust.
No matter what happens in the future, may we all be the first choice for our children and be their safe haven forever.