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My name is Li Fang, I am 55 years old and I am a retired secondary school Chinese teacher. I remember the day I retired, standing in the empty office, looking at the photo of me and my students still hanging on the wall, my heart was full of reluctance.
"Goodbye, my students, my colleagues, my work, my youth. I gently stroked the blurred smiling face on the group photo, as if caressing my own passing time.
After retiring, I lived alone in a corner of the city. This is a small apartment that I bought with my savings for 30 years, and every day I open the windows to let the sunlight into this small space. The monthly pension is enough for me alone, and I don't have to worry about making a living, and I think retirement is good.
It's just that in the dead of night, you will feel a little lonely. "If only there was a partner. "I think about it all the time.
"Sister Fang, you're 55 years old, it's too late if you don't find a partner!" While pulling me into the event venue, Yang Mei said, "Today will definitely let you meet your destined other half!"
I looked at the crowd on the inside and outside with some embarrassment, and asked in a low voice, "I'm so old, shouldn't I go on a blind date anymore?"
"What are you talking about?" Yang Mei glanced at me, "I see that you are very lonely, you have a companion to take care of, and you will be happy in your old age!"
I was also a little moved by Yangmei's words, thinking about living alone at home day after day, it is indeed a little empty and lonely.
"Well, let's think of it as accumulating life experience. "I finally mustered up the courage and blended into the crowd.
The blind date scene was very lively, everyone was neatly dressed and talked to strangers in good spirits. I saw a man with glasses walking towards me with a kind smile on his face.
"Hello, my name is Zhang Qiang, can you get to know me?" He greeted me very politely.
"Hello, my name is Li Fang. I smiled at him too.
We found a corner to sit and chat. Zhang Qiang, who has been retired for a year and used to be an engineer, said that the work of an engineer is very hard, and now he can finally stop and enjoy life. I told him that I was a secondary school Chinese teacher and had just retired.
"Ah, I was very poor at Chinese when I was a child, and when I met a Chinese teacher like you, I guess I would often be criticized. Zhang Qiang joked.
"Actually, I teach students very patiently. I said, "I want them to enjoy it more."
"Actually, I teach students very patiently. I said, "I want them to enjoy Xi rather than Xi because of their grades." ”
"Then you must be a very good teacher. Zhang Qiang said with a smile.
I had a very speculative conversation with Zhang Qiang, he was a gentle person and he spoke very interestingly. At the end of the two-hour blind date event, we had exchanged contact details.
"Li Fang, I'm glad to meet you today. Zhang Qiang said, "If you don't mind, I want to continue to contact you and get to know you as a person." ”
I was a little embarrassed and smiled and said, "I also think we had a good time chatting today." Let's be friends and see how it feels. ”
"Okay, then let's be friends first!" Zhang Qiang said with a smile.
Later, Zhang Qiang began to frequently ask me out to dinner, watch movies, and visit the park. I find myself looking forward to meeting him more and more. Gradually, he would give me gifts on my birthday and take care of me when I wasn't feeling well.
"Sister Fang, it seems that you have a good relationship. Yang Mei said with a smile, "I found the partner so quickly, I said that it is absolutely right to let you go on a blind date!"
"Object?" I was a little surprised, "We haven't decided yet." ”
"Come on, everyone is so concerned, you are still not sure about the relationship?" Yang Mei pouted, "If you don't catch this kind of good man, you will have to spend this spring and autumn alone!"
I thought about it, and what Yangmei said made sense. After living alone for a long time, you will indeed feel lonely. And Zhang Qiang seems to be really interested in me.
"Maybe I should give this relationship a chance. "I think.
So, when Zhang Qiang asked me out for dinner one time, I plucked up the courage to say to him: "Zhang Qiang, I think we can officially start dating." What do you think?"
Zhang Qiang was stunned for a moment, and then said happily: "Fang, I also want to tell you about this! I like you very much and am willing to have a formal relationship with you." ”
Since then, we've had a sweet relationship. Zhang Qiang would send me frequent messages and care about my daily life. I gradually became dependent on his company.
But the good times didn't last long, and after a month of dating, we began to quarrel often over some trivial things.
"Li Fang, I don't think you should always hang out with other single friends, girls should pay attention to the impact when they go out. "Once, Zhang Qiang said to me.
"What's the impact, everyone just goes out to eat and chat. I explained.
"You already have a boyfriend, you should pay attention to proportion, I heard that you have a lot of fun, you are all drinking and singing. Zhang Qiang insisted on his point of view.
"What's the impact, everyone just goes out to eat and chat. I explained.
"You already have a boyfriend, you should pay attention to proportion, I heard that you have a lot of fun, you are all drinking and singing. Zhang Qiang insisted on his point of view.
I was a little annoyed and said, "Zhang Qiang, I have my own life, and I don't need you to decide who I should associate with." My friends are very nice to me, and you shouldn't say that about them. ”
"I'm good for you, but you don't appreciate it!" Zhang Qiang raised his voice.
"Why do you control my life? I haven't yet needed you to discipline me!" I also came to lose my temper.
"Okay, you have the final say, I won't care about you in the future!" Zhang Qiang hung up the phone angrily.
A few days later, Zhang Qiang finally called to apologize.
"Fang, I'm sorry, it was me who was wrong that day, and you shouldn't have been forbidden to see your friends, and I shouldn't have quarreled with you. ”
I could hear that his tone was full of remorse, so I stopped thinking about it and reconciled with him.
But that's just the beginning. After that, we would argue many times over such trivial things as where to eat, where to play, and who to meet. Zhang Qiang always wants to control me, but I also have my own opinions. Gradually, quarrels became the norm in our relationship.
I began to reflect on whether we were really fit together. Zhang Qiang is stubborn, and I can't tolerate his desire to control.
"Yangmei, should I continue this relationship? "I asked for help from bayberry.
"It's normal, every new relationship takes time to get used to it. You are both people with personalities, and disagreements are inevitable, so give yourself a little time to get used to it. Yang Mei persuaded.
I think what Yangmei said makes sense, it may just be the run-in time that two people with different personalities need. So I decided to give the relationship another chance.
However, the problem was not solved. One day, a friend gave me a book, and Zhang Qiang was very unhappy when he saw it.
"Who gave you the book? A man, right? What do you mean by taking his book?" Zhang Qiang questioned me.
"It's just an ordinary friend, just sending a book, you think too much. I explained.
"I don't agree with you accepting gifts from other men! Zhang Qiang said loudly.
"It's just a book, it doesn't have to be, right?" I also raised my voice.
"If you talk back to me like this again, see if I don't teach you a lesson!" Zhang Qiang said angrily. He suddenly grabbed it from my hand
"If you talk back to me like this again, see if I don't teach you a lesson!" Zhang Qiang said angrily. He suddenly grabbed the book from my hand and threw it against the wall. I was stunned that he was destroying my stuff in front of me.
"What do you do, what right do you have to touch my things?" I asked angrily.
"I'm just not glad you took other men's books! Zhang Qiang roared.
I was scared by him, Zhang Qiang has never been so fierce. He grabbed my wrist with incredible force.
"Zhang Qiang, stop! I begged for mercy.
"Say, I won't accept anything from other men in the future!" He grabbed my wrist tightly.
"Okay, I know, I won't accept it in the future, you let me go first!" I burst into tears.
Zhang Qiang let go of his hand and turned to leave. I rubbed my wrists in pain, tears streaming uncontrollably. I have never seen Zhang Qiang like this, he actually started to hurt me, and I felt very frightened and desperate.
From that day on, Zhang Qiang became extremely irritable, often scolding me for no reason, and sometimes pushing and shoving me. I became scared to see him, and life turned into hell.
"Zhang Qiang, you can't do this to me, I'm a person, not your appendage!" During an argument, I plucked up the courage to speak to him.
"You're my girlfriend, you should listen to me! Zhang Qiang replied to me fiercely.
"Let's break up, I can't stand this life. "I shuddered and said the breakup.
"You dare to break up with me, I'll make you look good!" Zhang Qiang jumped like thunder and smashed his fist against the wall.
I was so frightened that I packed up and left our common house overnight and stayed at a friend's house. Since then, Zhang Qiang has been frantically harassing me, calling me, texting me, and sometimes even showing up on my way to work.
"Please, stop harassing me, we've broken up!" I pleaded.
"If I can't have you, no one else wants to have you!" Zhang Qiang shouted hysterically.
I was harassed by him and couldn't take care of myself, and I was highly nervous. Finally, with the persuasion of my friends, I mustered up the courage to call the police.
The police came forward to warn Zhang Qiang, and his harassment finally stopped. I was relieved, but it would take a long time for the wounds to heal.
After experiencing this failed relationship, I learned a truth. In my later years, I needed freedom and independence more than compromises to maintain an unhealthy relationship
After experiencing this failed relationship, I learned a truth. In my later years, I needed freedom and independence more than compromises to maintain an unhealthy relationship.
After the breakup, I moved back to my small apartment alone. I'm the only one here, but I feel at ease. I don't have to endure Zhang Qiang's temper and violence anymore, and I can finally live the life I love.
I started to take the initiative to participate in some community activities and met many warm-hearted friends.
"Fang Mei, let's go to the park and dance together!" Aunt Azhen, a neighbor, invited me.
"Okay, I want to go out and have an event too!" I readily agreed.
In the park, I saw many middle-aged and elderly people gathering together to dance square dances, and everyone's faces were full of happiness in the sound of music. I couldn't help but wave my arms to the music, and my worries seemed to be left behind.
"It's amazing that we're so energetic after we're retired!" I said happily to Aunt Zhen.
"That's right, if you are active, your life will be colorful!" Aunt Ah Zhen also said with a smile.
I also joined the community choir and rehearsed with everyone to develop my musical talents. The chorus was very enjoyable, and I felt that there are so many beautiful things in life to explore.
Participating in these activities, I have met many friends who share the same interests. I am no longer alone, and my life has become more colorful.
"Sister Fang, I see you've been in a much better mood lately!" Yang Mei said to me, "Community activities bring you so much happiness, I just say that you can live well alone!"
"Yes, I've found a life that makes me happy, and I'm no longer afraid of being alone. I laughed.
After experiencing a failed marriage, I realized one thing:
Having financial independence and freedom is more important than trying to maintain an unhappy relationship. Spiritual independence and self-realization are the inner pillars of later life.
I no longer believe in the so-called "growing old together", because that can't bridge the gap between two hearts. The friendships and fun I find now are what I really need.
I will continue to enjoy my retirement. Try new things, meet like-minded people, and let life continue to shine.
I believe that the wonder of life in old age is not whether you have a partner, but whether you find a way to make yourself happy. I finally found my own way of living, and this is the most precious insight in my life.
I believe that the wonder of life in old age is not whether you have a partner, but whether you find a way to make yourself happy. I finally found my own way of living, and this is the most precious insight in my life.
In the blink of an eye, I had been living alone for two years. Dancing in the park, choir rehearsals, and painting classes have become essential pleasures in my life.
My talent for painting is not bad, and my teachers and classmates praise me for my emotional use of colors and the vivid scenery I paint.
"Sister Fang, your painting is so good, I like it so much!" Lili, a child in the painting class, said.
"Thank you, Lili, and I enjoyed the process of drawing. I laughed.
"Sister Fang, your eyes are so focused when you paint, it's like you've completely entered your own world, it's super inspired!" Lili said.
When I listened, my heart warmed, and it turned out that my inner world could still be revealed through painting.
"Sister, don't you live alone, aren't you lonely?" Once Lili asked me with concern.
"No, I'm living a full life now, and with your lovely friends, I'm never lonely anymore!" I laughed.
Lili nodded: "That's good, sister, you can live happily alone, this is my goal in life!"
I smiled and rubbed Lili's hair, this little girl will definitely live the life she likes in the future.
Now I no longer envy people who have a partner. Because I know that what is missing in some relationships is true understanding and respect.
I don't need to maintain a self-sacrificing relationship to alleviate my loneliness. I have a very rich life now, with good friends and favorite interests, and that's what I really need.
"Sister Fang, I heard that you have participated in a lot of activities recently, and your life is very nourishing!" Yangmei told me.
"Yes, I've found a life that makes me happy, and I'm no longer afraid of being alone. I laughed.
"That's good, you don't have to go on a blind date to find a partner, just live happily by yourself!" Yangmei said.
"Well, I'm not in a hurry to find a partner anymore, it's good now. I said.