Written by / First Psychology Writers
Editor / Tommy
Marriage occupies an extremely important place in a person's life.
It must not be assumed that it does not matter who we marry, and that we may be able to compromise on what we eat and dress in our daily lives, but marriage should never be treated as such.
A suitable partner is able to take you from suffering to a place of happiness, while a partner who is not suitable can make you feel hell even in heaven.
An ideal partner and a happy marriage can indeed alleviate many of life's pains!
However, although some clues can be seen on the outside, the human heart is unpredictable. Some people are obedient and gentle before marriage, but once they enter marriage or have children, their personality changes drastically, and it becomes unacceptable, completely different from before marriage, and often catches people off guard.
Everyone longs to find a soul mate, and that during a relationship,
The famous psychologist Li Meijin discussed this in depth in her book "Psychological Parenting" and proposed a simple solution. Mr. Li suggested that before considering marriage, you should ask the other party two key questions.
Although these two questions are simple, they can effectively reveal the subconscious thinking of the other person and help us identify potential family problems.
1. Ask the other party about the lifespan of the elderly
Some may be skeptical of this approach, but Ben-Gurion University in Israel conducted a project called "Health-Aging-Physique" in 298 people between the ages of 70 and 82, which lasted nine years and collected a large amount of data on aging.
Dr. Danit Shaha's study of this data found that:
"Their subjective appetite and feelings can predict the occurrence of death. Previously, it was thought that poor appetite was due to disease, and that the resulting malnutrition contributed to death, when in fact, appetite itself could lead to death. ”
After excluding other factors such as genetics, physical activity, and daily nutrient intake, the study found that the risk of death in older adults was significantly reduced simply by improving their daily dietary appetite.
This also indirectly proves that there is a direct link between an individual's health and their eating habits, and that people with good eating habits are more likely to live longer.
Therefore, if the elderly in a family are in good health, it is at least a sign that the family has longevity genes and rarely suffers from genetic diseases that are difficult to detect.
Even if two young people come from different backgrounds and have different eating and living habits, they can adapt to each other more quickly after marriage.
The health status of the elderly can also reflect the overall ethos and moral character of the family.
Healthy and long-lived elderly people usually need the careful care of their offspring and a good living environment, and children who grow up in such a family environment will naturally be influenced by good education and values.
2. Ask about the relationship between your partner's parents
In the same way, inquiring about how the partner's parents are getting along can help us understand each other's family environment better.
Marriage is not only the union of two people, but also the integration of two families. Even if the other person himself is extremely good, we should know the character and qualities of the other person's family members in advance.
It is irrational to consider the other person's family background for marriage matching, but it is also unwise to completely ignore the other person's family situation.
简·奥斯丁（Jane Austen）曾经说过：
"A marriage that only considers family background is ridiculous, and a marriage that does not take into account family background is stupid. ”
Parents are usually seen as their children's first mentors, and children are with their parents from an early age, and their words, actions, and thoughts will naturally have an impact on the child.
Even if a child eventually develops the right values, living with parents who are not responsible or have very different beliefs for a long time can lead to a biased view and dissatisfaction with one's origins.
Research by psychologists has shown that children who have lived in a domestic violence environment for a long time may unconsciously imitate these behaviors when they are emotional, even if they know that they are wrong.
If the family of origin fails to properly respect women, children may see this pattern of behavior as the norm, believing that the household chores should be undertaken by the woman and that they do not need to be involved.
And a family where parents have a harmonious relationship and still love each other in old age actually sets a good example for children.
Not everyone is born knowing how to love others, and some people may be a suitable partner in terms of values or family background, but they don't know how to respond to their partner's needs when it comes to emotional communication.
If children grow up in a loving environment between their parents, they are likely to learn similar ways to get along with each other when they grow up, creating a harmonious and warm family environment for their partners.
In general, marriage is a decision made by two young people themselves, and most of the difficulties can be overcome as long as they feel that the other person is trustworthy.
The purpose of discussing the family of origin here is only to provide a point of view.
Even growing up in a difficult environment, some people are able to maintain their lotus-like qualities, remain unpolluted, and learn how to love others better and not let their partners suffer similar hardships as their family of origin.
The purpose of everything discussed here is to remind everyone to be more cautious in their choice of marriage and to avoid rashly choosing an unreliable partner.
The End -
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
Keywords in this article: marital choice, psychology
The picture comes from the Internet, please contact for infringement
WeChat public account: First Psychology