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"I'm eighty years old and eighteen, and I'm red and white-haired. It is the same as the Qing upside down, only separated by a sixtieth in the middle. ”
This limerick poem describes the huge age gap between the two people in the year-old love, eighty and eighteen, the numbers are reversed to be the same age, but in reality there is a sixtieth flower nail.
It is said that love knows no age, but in reality, the age of the union between men and women is generally quite equivalent, if there is a difference of a few years between the top and bottom, it is normal, and there is even a good story of "female college three hugging gold bricks", men are a few years older than women, which is even more common.
If two people who are more than 10 years apart have feelings of admiration for each other, it can be called "year-old love".
Even if two people in love die and live, they will generally end up without illness because they can't bear the pressure from the outside world.
But a 28-year-old girl named Zhang Feng broke through secular prejudices and married a 73-year-old man from the same village who was 45 years old despite her family's opposition, and the two also gave birth to a son.
If a girl likes a man who is much older than herself, it is usually because of the lack of father's love in childhood. Let's take a look at their stories.
This woman named Zhang Feng
Zhang Feng was born in a small mountain village in Hunan Province, and his family was relatively poor, with four siblings in the family, Zhang Feng was the youngest. Judging from Zhang Feng's growth process, it is not easy to survive.
When there were already three children in the family, Zhang Feng's mother didn't plan to have a fourth child, but she was unexpectedly pregnant and pregnant with twins, and she was reluctant to kill them and stayed, but because of stunted growth, only one of the twins survived in the end.
Zhang Feng was born and was relatively weak and sickly, difficult to support, and was thrown into the toilet by his parents, and later someone heard the cry of a baby in the toilet, picked it up and sent it to Zhang Feng's mother, in this case Zhang Feng finally barely survived.
Although he survived, Zhang Feng's life was not easy. Since childhood, he has been excluded by his brothers and sisters, because the family conditions are not good, Zhang Feng, who they think should not exist, has one more person to share the resources that belong to them.
Zhang Feng has never worn new clothes, and all she wears is left over from her brothers and sisters, and her family didn't even celebrate her birthday once before she was 16 years old.
Because she didn't feel the warmth of home, her living conditions were poor, and her health was not good since she was a child, Zhang Feng, who barely survived, gradually grew into an introverted, sensitive and withdrawn little girl in a loveless environment, often huddled alone in her own world, without sunshine.
Only her father in the family will not treat her harshly, but her father is not in good health, he is sick in bed all the year round, and he is just watching Zhang Feng's life at home, and he can't do anything about it.
The appearance of Wen Changlin brightened Zhang Feng's life
Born in 1942, Wen Changlin is the "barefoot doctor" in the village, who uses his medical skills to treat diseases and save people in the village. He is a very good person, no matter who is sick in the village, he will personally go to the outpatient clinic for treatment.
There are four sons in the family, his wife died very early, Wen Changlin was a father and a mother to raise his son, and someone introduced him to him at the beginning, but for the growth of the children, it has not been continued, and now the four children have grown up and become a family.
Because Zhang Feng's father has been frail and sick for many years, he often asks Wen Changlin to his home for diagnosis and treatment. Zhang Feng was 7 years old at the time, and Wen Changlin walked into Zhang Feng's house with a medicine box on his back, like a beam of light into Zhang Feng's life.
Father asked Zhang Feng to call Grandpa Wen, and Wen Changlin responded amiably, with a smile on his face. Every time Grandpa Wen came to the house to treat his father, it was Zhang Feng's happiest time, and that kind of kindness and gentleness made Zhang Feng feel like a spring breeze, as if the air in the house had become different.
Out of concern, Grandpa Wen will also help Zhang Feng regulate his body, often shush this little girl and ask for warmth, or bring some small gifts, this kind of care is something Zhang Feng has never experienced.
Gradually, Wen Changlin's goodness slowly took root in Zhang Feng's heart, Zhang Feng was very infatuated with the feeling that Wen Changlin brought her, and even if Tian Changlin didn't come to the house, Zhang Feng would be ghostly, looking forward to seeing him.
On Zhang Feng's 16th birthday, Wen Changlin bought Zhang Feng a birthday cake, which moved Zhang Feng, who had never had a birthday, and warmed her heart even more.
Coupled with Wen Changlin's long-term care and help for her and her father, Zhang Feng has become more dependent on Wen Changlin in life and heart, and as long as she is with Wen Changlin, she feels very secure.
Two people break through the world and come together
This kind of affection has always been deeply hidden in Zhang Feng's heart, and later, as an adult, she became more and more sure that her feelings for Wen Changlin are definitely not the feelings of the younger generations for the elders, but love.
But she also understands that the age gap between the two is too big, and she will definitely be blocked by her family and not tolerated by the world. But love is like a cough, it can't be hidden.
After her father died, when she reached the marriageable age, her family continued to give her blind dates, but she couldn't look at any of them, and in the dead of night, Wen Changlin's shadow was in her mind.
was forced by his family to be anxious, Zhang Feng chose to go out to work to escape, and this delay dragged on to the age of twenty-seven or eighteen.
Zhang Feng, who was working in other places, once had his mobile phone stolen, and in a hurry, Zhang Feng did not contact his family, and his first reaction was to ask Wen Changlin for help, and Wen Changlin immediately sent Zhang Feng the new mobile phone he had just bought.
This incident completely broke Zhang Feng's already irrepressible feelings, and he immediately decided to pack up and go home to confess to Wen Changlin.
Wen Changlin heard Zhang Feng's words and decisively refused. Even if he knows Zhang Feng's intentions for him, but the two are too inappropriate, Zhang Feng is not as old as his grandson, Zhang Feng is in the prime of his youth, he is already old, if he really gets married, I don't know how others will scold him.
But Zhang Feng did not stop because of Wen Changlin's refusal, and continued to pursue fiercely. Until one day Zhang Feng found out that he was pregnant with Wen Changlin's child, Wen Changlin learned the news and suggested that the child be killed, but Zhang Feng insisted on staying, and informed the families of both parties to officially disclose the relationship between the two.
Wen Changlin's children did not object when they found out, and they were even happy that their father had found such a young partner, and their father's old age was also taken care of. Zhang Feng's family strongly objected, but they couldn't resist Zhang Feng, and in the end, Zhang Feng secretly obtained a marriage certificate without telling his family and Wen Changlin.
How did they live after marriage
After marriage, Wen Changlin and Zhang Feng soon had the crystallization of love, a healthy and lively son. They are a family of three who walk together and are often mistaken for three generations by others.
The whole village is also talking about this family, it is already incredible for a 28-year-old girl to marry a 73-year-old man, and what is even more unbelievable is that she is pregnant and gives birth to a child.
This epic romance has already become popular all over the Internet, and has been invited by many TV shows to bring their children with them to share their love story with everyone.
Although it is a good story, in this "year-old love", Zhang Feng, who makes everyone feel a little sorry and can't understand it, is obviously because of the lack of fatherly love since childhood, which has led to a strong "father-love complex".
Why is there a "father-love complex"?
Under normal circumstances, girls will like men of the same age, so that the two people are more consistent in their thinking, and it is easier to communicate with them if they have more common topics.
If you like people who are much older than you, like your father's age, or even like your grandfather above, most of them are because of the unfavorable development of the "father-love complex", which leads to an abnormal view of mate selection.
Psychologist Sigmund Freud found that children before the age of three are still strongly dependent on their mothers because they have just left their mothers, and they need to seek security from their mothers, so they are more clingy to their mothers before the age of three.
At the age of three or so, self-consciousness and gender consciousness gradually appear, and they will slowly separate from the relationship with their mother, and be clearly aware of the existence of their father, especially girls, who are more willing to invest their feelings in their father and stay with their father intimately.
The experience that a father brings to a child is completely different from that of a mother, and in the child's mind, there are many differences between father and mother:
(1) Fathers are more powerful and can make children feel more strength and security.
(2) The activities of fathers and children are always full of adventure and challenges, which make children feel novel and exciting, while mothers are more concerned about safety most of the time, and the activities are more monotonous and stereotyped.
(3) The mother's love is often delicate and soft, while the father's love is more coarse and bold, and their expressions are different, and the feelings they give to their children are also different.
Children who have enough fatherly love can achieve sound personality development, which plays a pivotal role in establishing a correct view of the world and values and the concept of mate selection in the future.
Therefore, the role of the father has an irreplaceable role in the child's growth. Once the father-love complex is not well developed, the child will be affected by it for the rest of his life.
Therefore, fathers must spend time with their children, and let them feel this love, and give their children a healthy childhood.
I am @萱禾parenting Xuanhe parenting, more than 10 years of parenting experience, focusing on children's psychological and healthy growth, sharing parenting insights, outputting parenting knowledge, welcome to follow, walk together on the road of parenting, not alone