The minefield that should be most vigilant about raising a baby was explained thoroughly by this 15-year-old "parenting blogger".

Mommy OK

2024-06-19 14:15Posted in Zhejiang Parenting Creators

Two days ago, I swiped my phone and was hit by a note sent by a little girl on a social platform, the title was only a few words, but it was full of a deep sense of powerlessness:

"But Mom, I'm really tired."

When she confided her exhaustion with her mother, the first thing her mother thought of was that the child's study pressure was too great, so she would take her out to play, relax, take a day or two off to adjust her state, and come back.

Many parents in the comment area below expressed their distress for the girl on the one hand, and on the other hand, they were also expressing their helplessness as parents......

But in fact, few people find the last sentence of the girl's own text, "I can't find the motivation anymore", so she feels that it is useless for her to relax and play, because after a short break, she still has to face the overwhelming pressure, and this path can only be walked by herself, but she no longer has enough "fuel......

As for why children lack motivation to learn, this question also gives many old mothers a headache. I collected a short video before, the blogger is a 15-year-old junior high school student, he used a very vivid example to solve the truth that children don't like to learn -

"I used to have a younger brother, he didn't like to study, he had depression, and then he raised a few praying mantises, he caught mosquitoes every day to feed the praying mantis, watching the praying mantis get bigger and bigger, he gradually returned to normal. Because in the process, he experienced his own sense of worth for the first time.

The sense of value is the best answer I have found that can make children love learning and love life, only after exchanging value with the world, can you affirm the meaning of your existence, to cherish time, to cherish yourself,"

A few words woke up countless parents, and they suddenly realized that it was the same for them to go to work, and they didn't want to go to this class without a sense of value, let alone their children going to school.

I was also immediately a fan of this 15-year-old junior high school boy Wang Nanhao, and by the way, I pulled all the small videos he uploaded, and what surprised me was that the child with such a sober and mature cognition actually had a very bad original family.

Wang Nanhao was born in a small county town in Zhejiang Province with closed information, and his classmates, including himself, have not seen much of the world; His mother had a short temper, and his father ran away from home at the slightest disagreement.

And these expressions and outputs, which have been praised by millions of netizens, are what he learned from reading psychological books, which made him understand the world of adults and heal his injured self when facing the contradictions of his parents.

In fact, many adults can't understand the sensitive, complex and deep nature of their children's inner world, which has become the reason why he wants to make videos to communicate with parents.

Although he uploaded not many videos, but each one of them hit the sore spot of parents, which is what I especially want to share with you today, let's listen to the real voice of the child's heart, and you will open a completely different perspective.

01

How to make children love learning and realize the importance of learning?

When it comes to learning, this should be the biggest headache for many parents and teachers.

Wang Nanhao said: "Children don't like to learn, in fact, because they don't play enough, don't see enough, and as parents, you don't know how to play enough. ”

Parents and teachers often adopt the method of repeatedly emphasizing: "If you don't study hard now, you will move bricks in the future", "Only by studying hard, can you make more choices in the future", "Life should be bitter first and then sweet......

These "big truths" are summarized by parents based on their own world view and experience, and children lack self-awareness and sufficient experience in the real world and life, and they will definitely not be able to swallow these "big truths".

Wang Nanhao took his own learning of English as an example, teachers and parents constantly emphasized the importance of English, but he only thought that English was a subject that needed to be memorized.

It wasn't until he had the opportunity to follow his brother abroad that he discovered that English could help people order food and help them go to another new place.

Such an intuitive and real personal experience made him really realize that English is so useful, and he began to like it.

Therefore, if you have the opportunity, you must take your children to play and see the world, and find the goals you are willing to strive for in real and direct contact with the world and people.

02

The importance of reading is also self-evident, how to make children fall in love with reading?

Wang Nanhao used to be a child who didn't like to read, and for a while he was asked by his teacher to read the world famous book "War and Peace" for half an hour every day, but the content of this book was too difficult for him, and he couldn't be interested at all.

Later, my brother took him to read the accounts of high-quality reading bloggers, and each video is 3 minutes to take you to understand a book.

Before he knew it, an hour passed, and he learned a lot of books in different fields with the blogger, and also discussed the content with his brother.

He wrote down the titles of the books he was interested in and bought them, and he maintained a strong interest before reading them every time.

Slowly, he learned to read quickly, to understand the field and the general idea of the book, and if he was interested and decided to read intensively, he would carefully take reading notes.

Many of the opinions in his short videos come from the knowledge reserve of these books.

In fact, some short videos are still nutritious, but children don't know how to find and distinguish, and if parents can guide them, it can be a way to gain new knowledge.

Wang Nanhao also has his own unique ideas about writing, and his mother invited him to teach him a full-score composition routine, and he doesn't like to make up that kind of rhetorical and exaggerated composition.

He asked the parents, "Truth, goodness and beauty, shouldn't it be the first place?" "He wants to play basketball, make friends, and write real and touching stories.

03

Is it vanity that a child has to buy something very expensive?

When children have to buy expensive things, many parents may feel that their children love to compare and spend money indiscriminately.

Wang Nanhao had a classmate who spent money to buy a pair of 1,000 yuan sneakers, and was severely criticized by his parents.

But he complained for the child: "If you don't let the child buy expensive ones, you may be ruining the child!" ”

This answer is so unexpected! However, don't rush to trial yet, Wang Nanhao then explained:

In fact, this classmate didn't take more money from home, the money he used to buy shoes was saved little by little from his only pocket money every day, and he didn't drink milk tea when his classmates drank it, and he didn't buy it when he bought games.

He didn't see a man who spends money indiscriminately, but a man who is willing to restrain himself for the sake of his goals.

If you can do this, you may be able to sit at home and study when the rest of your classmates go out to play in the future entrance examination, or work hard for a trip or to buy a house.

Isn't this one of the goals of education – to achieve the desired goal through one's own efforts.

Therefore, whether things are expensive or not is not the only criterion for judging whether a child can buy something, but also depends on whether the child is willing to work hard to achieve his goals.

Even if they have vanity, it is normal, adults have the same psychological needs, and the key is how to guide children.

04

What should I do if my child is too introverted and can't socialize?

Some parents worry that their children are too introverted and will affect their interpersonal relationships.

Wang Nanhao is also a very introverted person, but in the process of playing basketball, he slowly learned how to control and shape his body to achieve the desired dribble shooting effect, which made him feel a lot more confident and migrated to interpersonal relationships.

For children, it is very important to master at least one thing, so that he knows that he has the ability and power to control and change in something, which is very important for the development of children's personality and self-positioning.

Parents in the comment area also felt the same way: "My sister is really much more cheerful after learning to swim at the age of 5, her body coordination is better, and she is more confident in the future, and she is much more generous in communicating with others." ”

05

If you want to have a harmonious family atmosphere, where is the breakthrough point?

Wang Nanhao's original family environment is not good, and his parents quarrel whenever they disagree.

In his recently updated video, he shared a scene of his parents quarreling, and his father was so angry that he slammed the door and walked out of the house, and he has been away from home for more than 20 days.

He found that from childhood to adulthood, every time he quarreled, his father could slam the door and leave, but his mother would still guard the house, even if her eyes were swollen from crying every day, she still insisted on getting up to cook for her children.

"It turns out that men can leave in style, but women can't, they need to be nurtured, and they need to endure the most mediocre and trivial parts of the family."

A 15-year-old child can deeply understand the difficulties of marriage and being a mother, and this passage has made countless netizens break their defenses.

Of course, he is not blindly partial to his mother, and part of the reason for the breakdown of his marriage is that his mother is emotionally unstable and easily irritable, not only for his father, but also for himself.

But he also found that if he coaxed his mother to be happy, the family would have a happy time, or when his mother saw that his father took the initiative to communicate with him, his mother would become very gentle and would no longer care about who made a mistake.

In fact, my mother needs love very much and needs the care of her relatives, but for a long time, I only acted as my mother's power bank to help her digest negative emotions and inject love energy into her.

A healthy family relationship should be: "The father is the container for his wife, tolerant and loving his wife, the wife is the container for the children, the wife who is fully charged can tolerate and love the children, and finally the nourished wife and children will continue to feed the love back to the husband." ”

Therefore it is the duty of a husband first and foremost to love his wife...... The relationship between husband and wife should be more important than the parent-child relationship. ”

In fact, after watching Wang Nanhao's video, he is not a word for word, and he will occasionally carry some childish expressions that belong to his age, and he will also be limited by his own lack of broad perspective.

The reason why I appreciate him from the bottom of my heart is because he has been actively looking for a way to "break the game" and "save himself" in the face of the dilemma of reality.

Isn't this the truth of raising a baby, let go of the "scrutiny" that you have always been high, and continue to get close to the child's heart, and learn and progress together with the child.

The most popular comment in his comment section was "What books do you read, can you recommend them?" ”

Looking at the books on his desk, the reading area is really not small, including "Emotions", "Meditation", "Why Family Hurts", and he also mentioned "Mr. Toad Goes to a Psychologist" and "Nonviolent Communication".

If you are interested in these psychological books, I highly recommend going to see "Mr. Toad to see a psychiatrist", the first two years of this book is very popular, as soon as it comes out, I finished it as soon as it came out, this is a British national psychological primer, with a warm and vivid fairy tale to tell the knowledge of psychology, easy to understand, children and adults can read.

It tells us that understanding is one of the most important manifestations of love, and that reading a child's voice is the beginning of growth or problem solving.

View original image 581K

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

Personal opinion, for reference only