Recalling the article that was about to be published when she was pregnant, Lin Yi still felt a little regretful.
At that time, Lin Yi, who graduated with a doctorate in engineering, worked in a scientific research unit. The article itself is very good, and the experiments to make up are also very simple, and the only thing in front of her is whether or not to take the risk and do a hard-to-face experiment.
After all, chemical agents can have a bad effect on the fetus.
"I was very entangled, one was my own requirements for myself, the other was my family's thoughts, they didn't understand my anxiety very well, they felt that it was time for me to switch roles, there was nothing bigger than a child."
Lin Yi, who was 34 years old at the time, knew very well that this article actually represented the best period for her scientific research, and as long as it was published, her work would definitely be able to reach a higher level. If you give up, the opportunity may not come again.
For young female researchers, this is a perennial question.
While there is a growing discussion about the pressure of young teachers to "go up or go", there is another layer of pressure on female researchers – they also happen to be in the socially recognized "optimal childbearing age". When the social clock ticks, it seems that they have to make their own choice at this moment - whether to choose scientific research or marriage and childbearing during this period?
Childbirth, on the other hand, has a trilemma, which takes up time, consumes energy, and consumes the body. At the same time, female researchers who have family plans will hesitate to give birth at an advanced age whether it will affect their health and the health of their children.
Stills from "Postpartum Conditioning Hospital".
However, there is an age limit for the application of both the National Natural Science Foundation of China and the Doctoral Research Start-up Fund. Whether the application can be approved or not also needs to consider the scientific research results of the past few years.
"Uninterrupted scientific research", family expectations, and the responsibility of marriage and childbirth together form a solid triangular barrier, in which female doctors who are in a critical period are "captive".
The easiest way to break a triangle is to abandon one of the pivot points. But this is not a story about giving up. Instead, they break the barrier of "captivity" from the inside out, run on the road of scientific research, and constantly torture themselves "what kind of life do you want".
Today's Lin Yi calls the choice at that time "the choice of fate", "if you miss it, you miss it". She has climbed over the hills, and at this moment she is still running wildly on the road of scientific research.
"It's good for scientific research"
Yan Bai, graduated with a doctorate in engineering, and worked in a university at this time. In the impression of Su Ji, who is also a senior sister majoring in materials, Yan Bai, who is frequently mentioned by her mentor, is very suitable for scientific research, "The methods used in my sister's graduation thesis are all explored and innovated by herself."
In the days when the experiment could not be done, Su Ji would sometimes ask Yan Bai, who had left the research group to study for a doctorate, for help. "Senior sister sent two articles that night, let me refer to the method. As soon as I did it the next day, it worked. ”
But in Yan Bai's statement, he is just lucky, and a simple reason why he is "very smooth" in scientific research is that Yan Bai likes it.
After graduating with a master's degree, Yan Bai once went to find a job. "But the company I went to always worked overtime ineffectively, and one day I suddenly realized that I seemed to prefer the feeling of being able to control my time. I think research is a more suitable and smooth path for me. ”
As a result, Yan Bai, who wanted to be a scientist when he was a child, changed from a master's degree to a doctorate, and then grew into a young teacher, and has been dealing with materials. Scientific research is stressful for her, but if there is no external interference, with her own strength, she can always overcome it and do it beautifully.
Stills from "The Three-Body Problem".
In an environment where others still need to spend a month preparing for the doctoral defense, Yan Bai, who is pregnant, has super mobility, and it only took a week to do everything, "you have to plan in advance, what to do every day, and you have to know in your heart."
Coincidentally. On the matter of scientific research alone, Lin Yi used the description of "hard work is hard, but very happy".
In 2010, Dr. Lin Yi graduated and entered a scientific research institute and turned to a more practical research direction. "At that time, the unit gave a lot of free space, and we didn't have to think about equipment, we didn't have to think about funding, as long as we considered technical research, it was really a very happy state, even if I worked overtime, I would be happy."
In the first four years, in order to quickly familiarize himself with the new research direction, Lin Yi described himself as almost "all in", losing weight again and again, but still full of emotions. "I felt like I could get a lot of hands on it, and I was betting all the treasure on myself."
Relying on oneself is also the norm of Zhou Jun's scientific research. Today, after a Ph.D. in engineering, she is already working in a research institute in the direction of materials.
In 2015, Zhou Jun was sent to France to study for a doctorate. In 42 months, 1 person, in a strange country, had to face 21 cubic meters of equipment containers, cut and polish metal bars by himself, and sanded by himself.
"For a while, the results of the experiment did not meet my expectations, and the days passed day by day, and I was very anxious. On the premise that it is not easy to do one experiment, I have done dozens of experiments. When the experiment was done and I started writing an article, the article was rejected again. And I'm alone abroad, so I'm quite lonely. Speaking of the moment of collapse of his Ph.D. study, Zhou Jun's tone was already very calm.
Stills from "Heartbeat Source Project".
The reason for being able to persevere is nothing more than two words: exploration. "Doing scientific research gives you the opportunity to tolerate trial and error, and it is also to get in touch with new things, and you can also go to international academic conferences to communicate with others, and I am quite willing to do these things." The high-density "input" of knowledge and the exploration of unknown boundaries make Zhou Jun feel happy.
And this happiness is enough to hedge the pain caused by scientific research. "I actually like this job." Zhou Jun thought for a while and said.
Time zone
But it seems that once he is old, Lin Yi can no longer have such "pure" time. Her brain was forcibly crammed with a lot of "things to think about". "Everything." Lin Yi described it this way.
In the past few years of devoting himself to scientific research, Lin Yi also successfully got married. So, her parents began to worry about her next "life event", childbirth. "The hospital really automatically classifies women over the age of 35 as 'high-risk mothers', and as soon as the word high-risk comes out, it makes people feel uncomfortable."
The parents couldn't understand why Lin Yi didn't hurry up and get pregnant, and even asked her, if the couple couldn't have a child?
In Lin Yi's thinking, the working hours of a few years after graduating from the Ph.D. are very important for a scientific researcher. "If we miss these three or five years, we are not eligible to apply for some projects, and the project application process has to look at the results of the past three or five years, which determines that we really dare not stop easily. Once it was broken for a year or two, especially academic things, it was not something that could be picked up, so I was really in a very tangled state at that time. ”
For this reason, Lin Yi "confusedly" considered the possibility of Dink.
Starting from his heart, after 6 years of devoting himself to his career, Lin Yi still feels that he should have a child. Affected by scientific research, Lin Yi can be said to be a "plan master", if you want to do it, then it is best to do it within the planned time.
Lin Yi, who likes outdoor sports, has a fixed 5-kilometer running plan every week, but he has to "serve the old" in front of childbirth. "It wasn't until I gave birth that I realized that there was a real age gap. There was a girl in her twenties in the same ward, she walked back after giving birth, and I was hospitalized for a week to recover. ”
Stills from "Postpartum Conditioning Hospital".
In 2024, Zhou Jun, who is already working in the institute, will be 35 years old, and there will be more and more voices around him, "also from colleagues, friends, relatives and family, and I always feel that when I chat, I will talk about the topic of childbirth." In this topic, Zhou Jun's mother has a slightly stronger "firepower", and she will directly say to her daughter that no matter how much success the couple has in their work, no matter how much money they make, if they don't have a descendant, they won't be successful.
But most of the time, Zhou Jun also "enters the left ear and goes out in the right ear". "I think it's also a kind of concern, but it's not that as soon as they say it, I think I have to hurry up, I still have my own ideas and plans in mind."
Time zone, Zhou Jun mentioned the word. Although society has assigned a time zone to women, she still feels that everyone has their own time zone. In the matter of where to listen to the voice, Zhou Jun's choice is closer to her heart, and she likes her mental state in her 30s now.
Zhou Jun felt that he had just reached the age of psychological maturity, "The matter of giving birth does not mean that I have reached a certain age physiologically." The right time has not yet appeared.
Yan Bai's parents are the enlightened ones. From beginning to end, they are the group of people who support their daughters, whether they are married or have children, they feel that their daughter's opinions should be respected.
So in Yan Bai's family, this person who gave birth became a husband. Yan Bai, who wanted to wait until he graduated with a doctorate to consider having children, finally compromised under her husband's "nagging" day after day. 31 years old, Ph.D. 4, Yan Bai, who is about to graduate, decided to have children.
But fortunately, at that time, Yan Bai had basically completed all the experiments, and he was only one follow-up test and a written article before he graduated from his doctorate. "Actually, my mentors and classmates are very supportive, and I am really lucky, and the research is very smooth. I felt the hardships of women from my family after I got married. ”
Incomprehension
"If you can, you can get by, but you will get divorced (married)", when he heard this sentence from his father-in-law's mouth, Yan Bai seemed to have been slapped hard. The quarrel began with Yan Bai, who graduated from the doctorate, the question of whether to go to her husband's city to continue her scientific research. At that time, she had just given birth, and the child was only three or four months old.
Yan Bai felt that her life before the age of 30 was too smooth, she climbed on the academic rock wall for herself, and she could reap the rewards by working hard, and the people around her also supported Yan Bai to be herself. After the age of 30, she realized that structural inequality had almost completely negated all of her past efforts.
"From their point of view, I was an accessory when I got married, and it was up to my husband to decide where to go." Yan Bai said on the other end of the phone.
Stills from "82 Years of Kim Ji-young".
Yan Bai, who has wanted to continue scientific research in universities in the future since he made up his mind to study for a doctorate, received this information from his in-law when he was pregnant: It would be good if he could enter the station to do a three-year doctorate, because her husband had no way to "settle down" at that time, and he would change cities after three years, and Yan Bai could change with him.
Yan Bai, who had not yet graduated with a doctorate, was immediately pushed to the "cliff" of finding a job, and was asked to submit her resume to her husband's city, and her wishes were directly ignored. The elders who did not understand the scientific research work even asked Yan Bai to find a job after graduating with a doctorate, "so that he can get a maternity allowance".
Yan Bai, who was still with a big belly and was preparing for the doctoral graduation defense, faced such a bad situation almost alone without any psychological support from her husband.
"Many women with certain academic qualifications have a strong ability to listen to others and empathize, so I was willing to consider their views at first. But after submitting my resume to my husband's city, the result was not ideal. One is that I need to do a PhD, and the other is an almost unreasonable and illegal trial at the other university. ”
The quarrel began to break out from here. Yan Bai, whose scientific research has been going very smoothly, has been delayed in this ring for a whole year. However, career time is of the essence. "Later, when I joined the university, the other party was also worried that I was almost 35 years old, but fortunately, the country extended the time for women to apply for the National Natural Science Foundation, so I said at the time that I could apply until I was 40 years old, so I was still young."
Another point that Yan Bai feels is very bad is that when the in-laws are demanding that they immediately become wives and mothers in the traditional sense, their husbands are very slow to enter the role. Yan Bai, who is still in confinement, has to endure the physical and psychological discomfort after childbirth, and in turn "coaxes" her husband.
Stills from "82 Years of Kim Ji-young".
Yan Bai can faintly feel that in her husband's opinion, as long as a woman can do anything, it must not be a difficult thing, so if she can successfully graduate with a doctorate, then it must be a simple matter.
Not understanding and not supporting almost all aspects of Yan Bai's life at that time was something that Yan Bai had never experienced in his previous life. In comparison, the atmosphere in Lin Yi's family can only be regarded as a small tripping over her.
When the two families gathered around Lin Yi for a new life, the pressure also followed. "We knew that there were some key times that we missed, but my family really didn't understand me well at that time. They don't understand why they still work late every night when they are pregnant, why they are still so anxious when they are at home and ready to give birth. ”
In the face of her family's incomprehension, Lin Yi was also "resentful" that her family still had to use the traditional family division of labor framework to frame her. But she is engaged in scientific research, and she is clearly destined to be a woman who has a husband and children in the traditional sense.
"In traditional families, everyone will consciously give way to their father, who is mainly making money. But although I am a mother and wife, my work is no less than yours, so why is it not such a standard for women." What Lin Yi couldn't accept the most was that her parents, who had watched her all the way, also hoped that she would return to the family.
"Why are they the ones who encouraged me to embark on this scientific path, and in turn they are the ones who let me return to my family?" Lin Yi was really puzzled by this question.
Support and rebirth
To this day, we still need to know how to form a family, especially after childbirth, how "I" can still exist as "me" when social barriers continue to squeeze space, and how not to forget myself.
Like the vast majority of professional women, Lin Yi and Zhou Jun, as women in scientific research, are also facing the social question of "how to balance family and career". Almost "automatically", they carefully prove in conversation that they can really balance it, that work does not affect their families, and that their families do not affect their work.
Stills from "We Who Can't Be Beasts".
Yan Bai turned his face with his father-in-law because of that sentence, and smoothly found a suitable college and settled down in the city where his parents lived. "From my generation, I was able to inherit all the resources and assets of the family (as an only child), so I also had a similar voice in society as a man, and I didn't need to be attached to another family. For the first time, women had a foundation like men, and I was able to find a job close to home, and I really couldn't do without the support of my parents. ”
Today, Yan Bai is still doing what suits him. Lin Yi too.
Lin Yi's "prescription" is communication—family members need to understand the nature and content of scientific research, no matter what the means. If you change the small family, then you can change everyone. "It's already a competitive environment at work, and if you have to upgrade your family to fight monsters, you can't hold on. Family support is very important. I try to make my surroundings as easy as possible so that I can live in a better state. ”
Family support is always very important for researchers. To some extent, the reason why Zhou Jun has not yet given birth is also because she understands that her husband, who is also a scientific research worker, is in the critical stage of "either rising or leaving", and the two have not yet been in a stable state to welcome a new life.
But instead of only caring for women in science and engineering, Yan Bai always believes that this issue should be viewed from a broader perspective. When work has indeed become an important reason why women can have a voice in society, how to enable women to obtain and keep a job may be more important.
The injuries that women pay for childbirth and the energy they need to breastfeed are all aspects that society needs to consider more when measuring the work requirements of men and women. "Objectively speaking, the workplace did lose one labor force during this period, and how to make the workplace can look at these things calmly is very important." Yan Bai said.
Stills from "I, Get Off Work at the Point".
Conversely, if there is too much tilt, it can also cause problems, "it's like humans domesticating wild animals, with too good treatment, the ability will decline". In Yan Bai's view, women themselves maintain their fighting spirit and do not slip, which is also an important part of "staying at the table".
Along the way, Zhou Jun has heard too many words that "it is not worth it for girls to study for a doctorate, and reading so many books is to get married and have children after all", but she has not stopped when she moved the equipment, sanding, and cutting metal rods. When you have the enthusiasm for scientific research, scientific research is not hard, Zhou Jun always thinks so.
"Don't be afraid, do what you do today." She finally said that.