Text: Marriage counselor Liu Jie
01
I received a message from a reader in the background, saying that after the child's college entrance examination, his wife suddenly moved out of the house, and he also went to the Civil Affairs Bureau to apply for divorce.
For him, it's like a flat ground with a mine. He thought that life was getting better and better, and the children were about to go to college, so what kind of thing did his wife do, why did he suddenly want to divorce?
He wanted me to help analyze what was the reason why his wife wanted to divorce? And how can it be remedied?
For the issue of divorce, it is usually not gratuitous, there must be some reasons in it, but we are not aware of it yet.
So I went to guide him and asked him to recall whether there was any major conflict between him and his wife before, or what was the relationship, was it similar to before, or was it becoming more and more indifferent?
He told me that his wife had really become a little bit wrong lately. He was much colder than before, and he didn't talk to him much anymore.
In fact, these sudden changes, or significantly different behaviors from the past. It usually implies that the other person's heart has changed.
Her indifference and neglect to you is often because she is dissatisfied with you in her heart, and even disappointed in this marriage. It's just that for some reason, it's still coming.
When the time comes, something will be done.
It's like this reader's wife, as soon as the child finishes the college entrance examination, she puts divorce on the agenda.
When a person wants to divorce, it is never hot-headed, it is often the result of careful consideration.
But divorce is a big deal after all, and she will waver in making this decision. Therefore, there will be some abnormalities in married life.
If we can catch these abnormalities in our partner and adjust the relationship in time, we can often dispel her thoughts of divorce.
02
So, if a woman wants to divorce you, what abnormal behaviors will she have?
First of all, it's that I don't care about you anymore.
Women are often the ones who worry more in the family.
Not only will he worry about his children, but he will also worry about his husband, nagging behind men, giving men the feeling that they are being controlled by their wives all the time.
For example, she cares about your physical health. Go out with a friend and she'll tell you to drink less. Usually eating, those greasy things, will also restrict you from eating less and so on.
But this kind of "management", men usually do not appreciate it, and will always feel that women are wide and unwilling to be managed.
But if one day, she doesn't care about you anymore, she doesn't nag after you, she doesn't ask what you eat and drink, whatever you want.
Maybe you will think that she has figured it out and is too lazy to care about you.
But in fact, maybe it's because his heart is cold.
She feels that she has paid so much for you, but you don't have any gratitude, so it's better to stop paying, and even want to stop the loss.
Secondly, I won't talk to you anymore.
Women love to share whatever they encounter in life, even if it is small.
For example, if you meet a banana seller after work, the price is cheaper than the store, maybe she wants to share it with you.
But this sharing of women is often defined as nagging in the eyes of men. A lot of the time I get impatient and have a perfunctory attitude.
Or they are annoying to women, and they are these boring topics every day, making insulting remarks and ridiculing women's ignorance.
Then gradually, the enthusiasm that women want to share will be completely extinguished, and their hearts will become cold.
She will think that you don't understand her, and your impatience will seem to her to be unloving.
When a woman's heart is cold, then the next thing she wants to do is probably leave.
Eventually, she began to dress herself.
In marriage, many women will put the family first, put the needs of their children and husband in the first place, constantly deduct themselves, and would rather wronged themselves than take good care of their husbands and children.
Whether it is good food and drink, or buying clothes and shoes, what she buys for her children's husband is always the most expensive, and she either picks the cheap one for herself, or saves it if she can.
Even if it's cooking, it must be what your husband and children love to eat, and as for yourself, it's dispensable.
But one day, she suddenly changed, began to pack up and dress herself, and began to be willing to buy expensive cosmetics, beautiful clothes and bags.
She doesn't even pay so much attention to things at home, no longer revolving around you, but busy herself every day.
This may be a kind of awakening of a woman, but it is more likely that she is cold, unwilling to pay anymore, and puts more attention on herself.
For a marriage, a person's cold and disappointed, as well as the idea of leaving, are never groundless, but the result of slow accumulation.
If your partner suddenly has any of these abnormalities, then you should be careful.
Take a good look to see if there are many things that make the other party dissatisfied in daily interactions. Or, the other party also said a lot of dissatisfaction, but you didn't take it seriously and never thought about changing.
If there is, then it is necessary to adjust it.
Don't wait until the day when the other party really tells you about the divorce, and then it may not be so easy to remedy.