Text: Kapok
A high-quality marriage can always give people all-round nourishment, making people exude charming brilliance from the inside out; On the contrary, inferior marriages always negate people in all aspects, making people confused, negative, and hopeless, and they can age 10 years after living in such a marriage for 1 year.
In a bad marriage, if you are in these three states for a long time, then divorce is a matter of time, and you will be relieved sooner if you leave early.
01. The long-term Cold War. (Cold War, Dislike, Don't Pay)
The most lethal way to get along in a marriage is the Cold War.
The cold war in marriage is often due to the indifference or contempt of one party and the stubbornness of the other party, or the two parties are depressed, dissatisfied, indignant and ignore each other, from friendship and intimacy to estrangement, resulting in the mental and psychological injury of one or both parties.
It can be seen that the beginning of the Cold War was a result of mental violence due to dissatisfaction with the other side, and the Cold War seemed to be peaceful, but in fact a prolonged Cold War could completely dissipate the other side's confidence, dissipate all interest, and make life worse than death.
Xiaowen (pseudonym), 37 years old, mother of the second child, full-time housewife, married for 10 years, 3 years of cold war, divorced her husband a month ago.
Xiaowen introduced that in her marriage with her husband, in the first 7 years, they always had strong conflicts because of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law conflicts, childcare work, etc., accusing each other, scolding, and even smashing dishes and bowls, but she never thought of really divorcing her husband.
Xiaowen remembered that during the month after she gave birth to her second child, her husband came back late because of entertainment, she took two children alone, and she was grumpy, and when she saw her drunk husband come home drunk, she picked up the water cup on the table and smashed it at her husband, smashing a big bag on her forehead, but the next day her husband apologized to her, and promised that he would never socialize late in the future, and bought her a necklace to make amends, and Xiaowen was also more distressed about her husband who had to take care of his family and work, and the relationship between husband and wife was even sweeter.
But in the past 3 years, with the birth of the second child, her in-laws have fallen ill one after another, Xiaowen is under a lot of pressure, and often complains to her husband about the tediousness and hardships of life. Later, there was silence, and then the husband avoided the conflict between the husband and wife by going on business trips and socializing.
In the face of her husband's addiction and avoidance, after being crazy countless times, Xiaowen didn't bother to speak, scold, or pay attention to her husband, she just raised her children every day and fulfilled her obligations to her in-laws.
After this situation lasted for a year, her husband and Xiaowen started a cold war, which lasted for two or three days at first, and then developed to more than ten days.
One night three months ago, Xiaowen was sick, had a fever and diarrhea at night, and ran to the toilet four or five times a night, during which her husband woke up several times, but because Xiaowen did not take the initiative to talk to her husband, nor did she send WeChat to her husband to explain the situation, her husband continued to sleep after waking up every time.
The next morning, Xiaowen collapsed so much that she couldn't get up to make breakfast for the children and her husband, and her husband had neither blame nor care, so he put on his clothes and went out to eat breakfast and go to work.
At this time, Xiaowen had a high fever of 39 °C, his 6-year-old son cried, saying that he was hungry, his 2-year-old daughter was pulled on the bed, Xiaowen had no strength to get up from the bed, and after a while, her husband sent a WeChat: "I want to take my mother to the hospital for a review today, remember to bring the case of the last check, my father is a little constipated, remember to buy some vegetables for my parents and put them in the refrigerator." ”
Xiaowen burst into tears when she saw her husband's WeChat, she did not reply to her husband, but called 120 and was admitted to the hospital with her two children.
After Xiaowen was discharged from the hospital, she filed for divorce from her husband, and the two went to the Civil Affairs Bureau and received a divorce certificate a month later.
02. Disgust everywhere.
Another culprit in the consumption of marriage is "pervasive dislike".
Xiaofang (pseudonym), 39 years old, married for 13 years, and her husband started a business for 3 years, she became pregnant and gave birth to a child, becoming a housewife, and since then, she has faced her husband's long-term and ubiquitous dislike.
Xiaofang clearly remembers that after giving birth to her first child, she wanted to buy a brand nightdress online, and she chose 3 nightdresses with different styles and different prices, and asked her husband to help her refer to them, but her husband laughed without even looking at it: "Look at yourself, you are about to become a pig, what brand of nightdresses do you buy online, the 9.9 yuan nightdress on the stall at the door is the most suitable for you." ”
Xiaofang also remembers that five years ago, her best friend got married, and Xiaofang was specially invited to participate, Xiaofang wanted to buy a necklace to wear, but her husband sarcastically said: "Look at your neck, it's black and thick, and it's ugly to wear any necklace, so it's better not to wear it." ”
Three years ago, Xiaofang gave birth to a second child and wanted a brand bag, but her husband sneered: "With your temperament, what brand bag are you carrying, you are carrying a bag of 1 million, and others will not think it is true, and it is even more despised, it is better to carry a plastic bag that best matches your identity." ”
What makes Xiaofang even more chilling is that since giving birth to her second child, her husband not only did not help her bear the pressure of parenting and housework, but disliked her even more. After saying that, her husband moved to the study to live, and later, even Xiaofang sat in her husband's car, and her husband had to wear a mask with a disgusted face.
Finally, at a recent big family gathering, the husband said to the whole family during the meal: "My wife, I have been married for more than ten years, and I haven't earned a penny, but I can't divorce her, after all, she gave me two children, so I will use her as a free nanny who can provide special services!" ”
Hearing her husband's words, Xiaofang flipped the table and filed for divorce from her husband.
03. Unequal pay.
In marriage, although the husband and wife's contribution to the family cannot be as good as the balance of the scales in the experiment, if one party pays wholeheartedly for a long time, and the other party avoids enjoyment, and the pay is not equal, then such a marriage is not far from dissolution.
Xiao Xin (pseudonym), 40 years old, married for 11 years, mother of twins, is a teacher.
Xiao Xin's work unit is in the county, but her home and her husband's work are in the urban area, and it usually takes 1 hour to drive to work, which poses a huge problem for Xiao Xin, who must take care of her family and not give up her work.
When my children went to kindergarten, it was a big problem to pick them up and drop them off early, but my husband said, "I can't be late and leave early to pick up my children, otherwise I won't be able to keep my job." ”
So Xiao Xin took on the problem of picking up and dropping off children to kindergarten, arriving late and leaving early to pick up children, the result was that Xiao Xin was criticized by the leaders countless times in the past three years, and she had to work overtime in the unit to complete the work, and there was no chance of evaluation.
But as for the husband, he just manages his own work, and often socializes with fox friends and dog friends.
Xiaoxin asked her husband to read to the child, and the husband said: "The child likes to read to his mother, but they don't listen to me when I read." ”
Xiaoxin asked her husband to bathe the child, but the husband got the foam into the child's eyes, and the child cried, so the husband beat the child and never asked her husband to help take the bath again.
Xiaoxin asked her husband to cook, and her husband said, "I won't, order takeout!" ”
Xiao Xin asked her husband to wipe the floor, and her husband said, "I'll wipe it later!" As a result, Xiao Xin started urging from 6:00 p.m., and by 23:00 p.m., her husband was still lying on the sofa playing games, Xiao Xin went to grab her husband's mobile phone, her husband was angry, the two clashed, and her husband finally didn't wipe the ground.
Three years later, the two children are about to enter primary school, and the husband is still the same: "I can't pick up the children." ”
Xiao Xin had to take her two children to the school where she worked, let the children go to school with her, and applied to the school for a dormitory to go home once a week.
However, every time she goes home, the moment Xiao Xin opens the door, how she wishes that the floor of the house is clean, the vegetables in the refrigerator are fresh, and the food on the table is hot.
But Xiaoxin has been alone with her two children for a whole year, and every time she comes home, she always sees her husband's shoes, socks, and dirty clothes on the ground, messy bedding on the bed, urine stains in the toilet that have not been flushed, hair in the sink, dirty dishes in the sink, cigarette ash on the coffee table, take-out boxes, and empty refrigerators.
For this reason, Xiao Xin and her husband have quarreled countless times, but her husband is still like this.
Finally, after returning home once, Xiao Xin filed for divorce from her husband after seeing the vomit that her husband had not cleaned up due to drunkenness, as well as the smelly dishwashing sink and trash can.
Xiaoxin said desperately: "The child is 8 years old, and her husband is only responsible for one of his own jobs over the years, 9 to 5, and the rest of the time is to drink and play games, and I am responsible for taking care of the baby, cooking, doing housework, dealing with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, taking into account the world, managing the family's eating, drinking, and Lazar, tutoring the child's homework, participating in school activities, taking the baby to see a doctor, digesting negative emotions, managing mood, and observing the child's physical and psychological changes. What else do I want him to do? He's my big liability! ”
04. Write at the end
Through the analysis of the above 3 examples, I believe that many people can see the great damage caused by the cold war, dislike, and non-payment to the marriage, and I hope that this article can sound the alarm for more people in the marriage.
May the above words be encouraged by my readers!
Like my text, welcome to leave a message, like, discuss, and forward.
Today's Discussion Topics:
What other patterns do you think couples get along with each other that can lead to divorce? You are welcome to share your opinions!