At the age of 54, he accompanied his daughter to a comic exhibition and was a father who was not unhappy

Source of this article: Official Account: Polar Day Studio (media-fox) Author: Wei Furong Editor: Wang Sango

54-year-old Chen Yaxiang is an "Internet celebrity" father, and since last year, he has gained a lot of attention from young people on social platforms because he records the daily routine of helping his daughter raise stray cats.

This year, an atlas of accompanying his daughter to a comic exhibition unexpectedly inspired a group of "older" fans to be "not disappointing" parents with him.

In real life, Chen Yaxiang is also a father who does not follow the usual path. In his daughter's more than 20 years of growth experience, he accompanied his daughter to try more than a dozen interest classes, not for the purpose of learning, mainly for "play"; He confronts the traditional score evaluation system with an almost Buddhist attitude, and his goal is to raise "80-point" children.

His daughter is a 21-year-old junior in college. In the eyes of the daughter, her father is her best friend, the most emotional value of the meal partner, they will discuss the favorite "little boy" together, they will also hide from the teacher after making a mistake to "confess" together, and participating in comic con together is a family practice that has adhered to for many years.

At least until she went to college, her daughter never felt that there was anything special about her father, and when she talked about the family with her roommates, she realized, "Is our family so relaxed?" ”

And after the end of this year's comic con, the father's words also made the daughter begin to understand and think about the deeper intention behind the inclusion, "If your child wants to do something you don't understand in the future, will you accompany him?"

On social platforms, these fragments of life that reveal love and respect have healed many young people, they regard Chen Yaxiang as an "electronic friend", and some people even come to his comment area every day to "report", and experience a relaxed and warm father's love in the cloud.

The following is based on Chen Yaxiang's narration.

Parents who are "not disappointed".

I was surprised that the Comic Con post would attract attention, and this event has been a routine in our family for years.

The China International Animation Festival is held in Hangzhou every May, and when my daughter was still in elementary school, we would go there when we had time, but in recent years, due to her studies and the epidemic, I have gone there less often.

The child's mother doesn't like this kind of activity, and I mainly accompany my daughter every time.

Before my daughter was born, I knew that there was such a thing as cosplay, but I didn't know much about it, and I was sent by my employer to study in Japan 30 years ago, when the two-dimensional culture was very popular among young people in Japan.

When my daughter was young, I accompanied her mainly to be a driver, take pictures, and take her to experience society. Not long ago, I flipped out the photos of going to the Comic Con 10 years ago on my phone, and there were a lot of parents who accompanied me at that time, and she was wearing a pink dress at the time, I don't know what role cos it is, it is very similar to the Barbie doll at home.

She is in her twenties this year, and it is difficult to see parents around big children like Comic-Con, and the reason why I still go with them is because I feel that I also need to keep learning and understanding the current trends, so that I can keep up with this era and mingle with young people.

This time, the role of my daughter cos is called King Guangling, and she prepared it at home before going to the comic con, I said why do you look like a handsome guy in this costume? She told me that this character was called King Guangling, and that she was a character dressed as a man in her favorite game Codename Kite.

It was at this comic con that I only learned about "philately". I've heard a lot of them talk about stamp collecting, what do I mean, there are no stamps here? Later, I found out that it meant to take a photo with coser.

My daughter has been encouraging me to collect stamps at the comic con, and when she saw a super handsome coser by the elevator, she asked me to take a selfie with him. I myself noticed a young man with wings on his shoulders, I don't know his name, I thought it was an angel, I asked him, "This angel, can we take a picture together", and he said that he was not an angel, and he didn't tell me what he was cossing after taking a group photo.

"Zhang Qiling" (a character in the novel "Notes on Tomb Robbery") took the initiative to come to me to take a photo, he recognized me as the father who helped his daughter raise a cat on the Internet, I thought his real name was "Zhang Qiling", I didn't know it was the name of the character, and I confirmed it with my daughter many times.

Chen Yaxiang collects philately at the Comic Con. Image source narrator

Later, I posted these photos on the Internet, and many netizens saw that I was a little cramped in the photos. To be honest, I'm still a little nervous, because 90% of the people around me are cosers, and I wear everyday clothes, so I don't become an alternative on the scene?

Most of the comments on this post are young people, and they will complain to me that they are always told by their parents that they are spending money indiscriminately and being improper. I told them that doing what they like is not a waste of money, and that we have a lot of comic book merchandise at home, curtains, couplets, and pillows, which are usually picked by my daughter, and I pay, but if I meet something I like, I will buy it myself.

There were also some unexpected comments from parents who originally thought that this kind of occasion would be disgusting with older people, but after reading my sharing, they said that they would be more confident next time they go to Comic Con. My daughter and I were very happy to see it. Of course, I didn't get deeply involved this time, and next time I go I will consider whether I can play a brocade guard, I feel quite handsome.

Many netizens first paid attention to me because I helped my daughter raise a cat. Last year, we picked up a stray cat on the side of the road on the National Day, and my daughter couldn't keep it in college in Beijing. My daily routine of taking care of kittens was originally filmed for my daughter, but I didn't expect it to attract so many young people.

What young people say the most is that they envy my relationship with my daughter, our father-daughter relationship is really good, I have always emphasized that I am not a disappointing parent, in addition to accompanying my daughter to comic conventions and raising pets together, we often watch movies together, "Interstellar" is one of our favorite movies, and we have watched it countless times.

I can talk to my daughter about everything, and when she is still in middle school, I will test her, do you have a little boy you like? Actually, there is, and I don't object to it, I think the likes of sixteen or seventeen-year-old children are very simple, and I would often joke with her at that time, it's normal for you to like little boys, and my father also likes the female classmates in the front row in junior high school.

Sometimes there are disagreements within our family, and as long as my daughter is in charge, I am her back. Before we got a kitten, we also had a baby guinea pig, which was difficult to take care of and pooped around. One year, we went from Hangzhou to my grandmother's house in Wuxi for the Chinese New Year, and brought the baby guinea pig with us, and when we were about to go back to Hangzhou, my mother and relatives persuaded my daughter to give up, saying don't take it back, just put it in the countryside, and go back to raise a little bird for her.

I had been watching her reaction at the time, and she started to disagree, but when everyone around said she couldn't take it away, the pressure came and she said "okay, I'll leave the guinea pig in this place, and you're going to buy me the birds later". She said this with tears in her eyes.

I saw that this was not right, my daughter was facing so much pressure at that time, and she must have been very lonely and helpless. And relatives in my hometown have always said that the guinea pig is delicious, and if you stay in your hometown, you can imagine what happened to it. Will this leave a bad impression on my daughter?

Later, I got through the work of my mother and other relatives, and the guinea pig daughter liked it, and we still had to take it back.

Chen Yaxiang and his daughter at the Comic Con. Image source narrator

"80 points" child development plan

I myself grew up in a very oppressive family environment.

I tell a story that often happened when I was a child, my parents were playing chess, my father lost the chess, and the child (me) laughed on the side, which was originally a very harmonious and beautiful scene, but suddenly the chess pieces flew towards the child (me), "What are you laughing at, what are you laughing at".

My father was a very strict and short-tempered person, and the low-pressure environment was very oppressive to the child's mind and spirit. When I was a kid, I often felt at a loss and didn't know what to do and what not to do.

There are also many young people in my comment area who will mention their original family, and some parents are accustomed to using their children as a tool to make money and as an investment, which makes young people very painful nowadays. So I feel very sad to see some young people say that because they have not been treated well by their parents, they come to see my video cloud to experience the love of other people's families.

When my daughter was very young, I figured out that I was equal to my daughter, and the bad things of the previous generation had to be cut off by me, and the pain could not be transmitted to the next generation, so I had to let my daughter grow up in a relaxed and free environment.

I often tell her that Dad doesn't ask you to score 100 points, our goal is to score more than 80 points. Because compared to 80 points, to improve the score to 95~100 points, children may need to spend several times more time than now, and the cost performance is too poor. We can use that time to do other things.

When my daughter was three years old, we saw people playing roller skating in the square, so we asked her to learn roller skating, and later she also learned Go, chess, taekwondo, swimming, electronic piano, drawing, oil painting, calligraphy, pipa...... I think that as long as there is no threat to her health, there is no good or bad interest.

We don't learn this to win awards or exams, but to expose her to new things, even if nothing comes of it, but she understands that there is such a thing in the world, and we are worth it.

Of course, not every skill is learned so deeply, the child's emotions and interests are unstable, I hope she learns happily, not crying and crying, otherwise she will definitely not learn well. So if she says, "Dad, I'm tired today, I'm not going to the hobby class," and I say no, or "Dad, I've got it, I want to learn something else," and I say yes, let's change.

Her mother's educational concept is different from mine. Like most Chinese parents, she thinks that if she can get a full score, she will get a full score, and of course she will not be particularly "chicken" daughter. Over the years, my mother has taken care of her daughter's daily meals as a full-time housewife, and in addition to being responsible for the family's financial expenses, I will also spend a lot of time "playing" with my daughter.

When my daughter was in elementary school, there was no homework in the first to third grades, and the homework did not exceed half an hour every day after the third grade. The teacher will also score the pass.

Have you ever been anxious about her grades? There are also.

About the third grade, their school sent a test paper down, out of 100 points only 50 points, I saw that the score is indeed a little anxious, the third grade test 80 is not difficult, our family only took 50 points, what can I do? Later, when I looked at the topic, the Olympiad math question, there were pits everywhere, I turned my head and said to my daughter, it doesn't matter, my father won't do this topic, don't cry and come back in the future.

I still remember going to a parent-teacher conference, and the teacher was very funny, first saying that this was the worst test the children had ever done, and then asking the parents, how many have they been beaten? Nearly half of them raised their hands. How many have you been scolded? Half raised their hands again. She asked if there was anyone who didn't beat or scold? I was the only one in the class who raised their hand.

When I was asked why, I said that I wouldn't do it if I read the test papers, and the children definitely wouldn't. So I think that not doing well in the test is not a problem for children, but a problem with the test paper.

Then their homeroom teacher said that it seemed that only this father had carefully read the test papers, and the other parents had only seen the scores. Since then, our daughter has had a nickname in her class, "Happy Baby".

Later, the teacher suggested applying for the Olympiad class, but many students in the class did, but we didn't. It's still the same reason, I don't think it's too necessary, and the time to learn Olympiad mathematics is better to use it to learn those messy specialties.

I always feel that although reading is the way out for most people, it is not the only way out, if you don't experience and try, how do you know what children's strengths and talents are?

After trying all these years, our family is indeed Puwa. Of all the interests that have been learned for the longest time, Pipa has been learned from the third grade of primary school to the present, Taekwondo has been learned for about half a year, Go is too brain-burning, and the persistence time is also very short. Others, such as painting and photography, can only be said to exist as hobbies.

In terms of study, from childhood to adulthood, her performance has been stable at the level of 80 points all the way, and she was not admitted to a key school in high school. By the time we got to the college entrance examination, we scored a full score of 750, a little more than 600 in the exam, and the scoring rate was about 80%, which just reached our goal.

The stray cat that Chen Yaxiang helped his daughter raise. Image source narrator

Dad couldn't answer

Admitting that our daughter is Puwa and can't pass the test, I have always felt nothing embarrassed. But when my daughter came back with a conduct evaluation form in junior high school, the teacher divided the child into excellent, good, and failing grades, and gave her a "good" rating, and asked the parents to sign it before recycling.

I don't agree with this result. If the evaluation is academic performance, I will admit it, but that piece of paper evaluates the child's ideology and morality, and I don't think this word can be easily signed.

I asked the teacher that I wanted to clarify the evaluation criteria, and what is the difference between excellent and good conduct? But the teacher said that there is no clear standard, that each grade is proportionally controlled, and that they operate according to the regulations of the Education Bureau. In my opinion, such an assessment is unreasonable, and I did not sign such a confused division, and I did not sign until the end.

Isn't a good kid if you don't get good grades? I never thought so. What I admire most about my daughter is her strong self-confidence, when she was a child, she played chess with other children, they would cry when they lost, and when we lost, we said that we would play another game, and our ability to resist blows was quite strong.

Compared with other children, although she is naughty, there is no child in the world who is not naughty, not to mention that there is still a sparkle in her naughty mischief.

I remember when I was in the second or third grade of elementary school, she missed the bell of class because she went to the pool to fish, and she was punished for writing a review, and the teacher called me there. I still have a deep impression of the review book, such a young child, the reasons and the correction plan are clearly written.

In front of the teacher, I told my daughter that you didn't do things right, but the review was well written, the logic was clear, and the reflection was very profound. My daughter suddenly became stronger, and the teacher rolled her eyes at me.

This is my heartfelt emotion, I actually didn't think too deeply when I said those words, I didn't expect my daughter to apologize to me suddenly after leaving the campus, because I was called by the teacher to lecture as soon as I got out of class, and when I came out of school at night, I had a little low blood sugar, and my face was not very good-looking, so my daughter asked me, "Dad, are you hungry, I'm sorry, I won't do it anymore in the future", I was surprised and relieved.

In high school, I found that her personality was more prominent, and once she was dissatisfied with the teacher's preference for a certain classmate when she changed seats, she was not convinced, and directly confronted the teacher. I didn't think it was a big deal either, and I told her from a young age not to be afraid of authority.

That being said, the problem still has to be solved. At that time, I asked her to reflect on what she had done wrong, and before calling the teacher, the two of us made a good confession, which was actually to sort out the wording, how to express our thoughts and make the other party listen.

In short, from childhood to adulthood, if my daughter's school wants to hold a parent-teacher conference, I usually go there. I like to be with my daughter, it's okay to be scolded, and it's okay to be praised. Although "80 points" children like us are rarely praised.

We rarely argued when she was growing up, and when we disagreed, we discussed a lot in high school about whether or not to play on the phone and for how long. I think I can play, but I have to be careful, after all, her schoolwork is getting heavier and heavier. At that time, I asked her to do a pros and cons analysis based on her own situation, and later negotiated and reached an agreement, in the first two years of high school, we set a time limit for the use of mobile phones, and by the third year of high school, the pressure became more and more intense, and she took the initiative not to play.

When dealing with similar problems, we parents are actually easy to fall into a kind of habitual thinking, thinking that because we have more experience and a wide range of experience, our children must listen to themselves. I, as a father, can't help but want to tell other parents not to judge their children with their own existing eyes, respect their children's choices, and don't be self-righteous.

Chen Yaxiang recorded that he accompanied his daughter to the Comic Con for the first time. Image source narrator

I still remember when I was in my 20s, before I was sent to study in Japan, I needed my parents to sign a notarial certificate of guarantee, and the notary said a sentence that left a lifelong impression on me, he said, the child is already so old and capable, and he still needs to ask his parents to sign, are parents really capable of making this judgment? It was that sentence that suddenly changed my perception and has been alerting me to this day.

Including now, my daughter is in her third year, and she is still used to asking me when she encounters things, for example, she asked two days ago, she already has the opportunity to study in this school, do you want to challenge to be admitted to a better medical school in Beijing or the south?

I said that my father can't answer you about this, I can give advice within my professional scope, but your professional father doesn't know anything, you are now 21 years old, you can make your own decision. In the end, I told her about the pros and cons analysis, and we will discuss the results of the final analysis.

At the same time, as a post-70s generation with an age gap of more than 30 years with my daughter, I also hope to understand my daughter as much as possible.

I work for a team of young people, the youngest of whom is about the same age as my daughter, and if my daughter has any ideas that I can't figure out, I ask them.

I asked them about their spending habits, how much does it cost in a month? I felt more relieved to find out that I was paying more for my daughter's living expenses than they actually did.

I'm also curious about their view of mate selection, and from time to time I will knock on the side with the little girl, what kind of young man do you like? Is it handsome, tall or what? But young people nowadays always tell me that they don't want to get married, they don't want to have children.

I can understand that it is really difficult to meet the right and suitable person. I say the same to them, including to my daughters, don't get married just because you don't get married, don't marry for the sake of getting married, just let it be, don't rush to make up your mind now.

*The cover image and the header picture are Chen Yaxiang collecting stamps at the comic exhibition, the source of the picture is the narrator.

Author丨Wei Furong Editor丨Wang Coral Source丨This article is reprinted from [Polar Day Studio], pay attention to see more stories

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