If you wanted to win a man's heart, what would you do?
I know that many girls may think that I have to be good to him with all my heart and love him deeply, so that he will respond to me with the same love.
But have you noticed that many times, even though you feel that you have given a lot and even feel that you have done well enough, the man does not seem to appreciate it and does not give you a corresponding response?
This is actually the mindset of many women, that is, they think that as long as I give, as long as I do what I should do, I can exchange for love. This is the logic of a lot of women.
But to be honest, can you get love if you give? The answer is no.
Next, let's talk about why he doesn't cherish you?
The first is "projective identity".
What does this word mean? Let me give you an example.
For example, today I was walking down the street wearing a short sleeve and I saw someone wearing a jacket, and I might think, "It's so hot today, it's a little silly for you to wear a jacket." ”
That's how we project our feelings onto others, thinking they'll feel the same way.
But from another perspective, maybe everyone wears a jacket, and if I wear a short sleeve alone, then everyone may think I'm a weirdo.
It's the same in relationships.
For example, we feel that the other party loves us by taking us to and from work every day, so we treat each other in the same way, cooking for him every day, taking care of the children, and feeling that this is loving him.
But in reality, we just subjectively think that it is good for him to do so, and impose our own ideas on him. But what we give may not be what he really wants.
Men don't really need you to love them much, they want you to understand them.
Understanding is more important than love, and understanding their needs and thoughts is more tangible than simple love.
So, understanding the male psyche is really key. If you are interested in this, you can try our "Reading the Man's Heart" course, which may help you better understand the creature of men.
Secondly, your love may have put too much pressure on him.
For example, many children now feel that their mother's love is too heavy.
Why? Because although a mother's love seems to be selfless, it actually contains some selfishness in many cases.
It's like my mother used to say: "Mom is so good to you, if you can't get into college, you'll be sorry Mom." ”
It's the same for men. You may be thinking, "I'm so nice to you, why don't you come and pick me up from work?" ”
Or, "I'm so nice to you, why don't you prepare me a gift for the holidays?" "This will create an invisible pressure on him to want to escape.
This is the truth of overreach, too much love can sometimes be unbearable.
In fact, the most important thing to be wary of is that you have lost yourself.
In a healthy relationship, there should be two separate individuals, two people with their own independent framework.
If you blindly sacrifice yourself for the sake of the other person, then you have lost yourself.
In this way, the home becomes a stage for him alone, and you are no longer an independent individual, but a person who is attached to him and dependent on him.
Think about it, if you don't even have ego, what will he love for you? So, no matter what, you can't lose yourself.
You see, now that we've found the cause of the problem, how do we fix it next?
First of all, with regard to projective identity, we need to understand what a man's real need for love is. Understanding and understanding is often more important than your so-called love.
Secondly, regarding the issue of pressure to give, instead of blindly giving for the other person, it is better to try to guide the other person to give for you.
The specific guidance method has also been explained in detail in our previous articles and courses.
You will find that the more he gives for you, the more he will care about you. It's okay to say that he is cheap, but sometimes the male mind is like that.
Finally, and most importantly, you must learn to love yourself before you love others.
Going back to our original question, what should you do to win a man's heart?
In this way, you will naturally attract the man's eye and affection.
Instead of saying how much you give to him, he will give you how much love he will give you accordingly.
Understand this, and you won't suffer in your relationship.