I believe that the vast majority of parents in this world love their children. They give for their children without reservation, and are even willing to give everything they have. But it is not a simple thing to make children feel the love of their parents!
Recently, I saw a post where the poster was dissatisfied because his mother always brought him something to eat!
↑ The title of the post is: "Why do parents keep giving me food I don't want!" ”↑
➤ The incident is like this: One morning, my mother called to ask if I wanted bayberry, and the owner of the post refused 6 times on the phone, but my mother kept saying that she would send bayberry over. There was no way, she said that she would have more than a dozen, and specially reminded her mother not to buy other things!
▽ When the poster came home to take a look, in addition to bringing a bowl of bayberry, my mother brought a lot of things! Two corns, a box of plums, half a watermelon... There are even steamed buns! It made her really, really angry. Why? Because the person who posted the post is the kind of person who hates wasting food, he has to eat as much as he wants.
These things sent by her mother were not what she wanted, but she had to solve them. This disrupted her dinner schedule.
▽ The owner of the post said that he was very anxious and irritable by his parents' behavior, and it was useless to say it hundreds of times. I said it this time, it's like this next time, it's still like this next time, it's endless and can't be solved!
➤ Many people in the comment area said that they could understand the poster's irritability.
Many people in the older generation are quite stubborn, and they stubbornly leave what they think is good (the most common is what they eat and drink) to their children. For the child to say "I don't need", it seems that the selective cannot be heard.
▽But from the child's point of view: parents and elders will never understand my speech and never care about my feelings! Their one-way love only touched me, but it made me feel suffocated!
………………………………………
➤ Most love in this world is a two-way street, such as between lovers, friends, and classmates. The maintenance of an emotional relationship needs to have a back and forth, and maybe the efforts of both parties are unequal, but in the end, both parties need to pay together. It seems that only the love of parents for their children is one-way!
When the child is not yet an adult and independent, the parents take care of the child's food, drink and Lazar, control all aspects of his life, learning and socialization, and pay a lot for the child in terms of time, energy and money.
▽But why do so many young people now complain that what their parents give (including love and care) is a burden? Is it really "the child grows up and his wings are stiff", "pick up the bowl to eat, put down the bowl and scold the mother"?
I think the main reason is that the needs of both sides do not match.
On the surface, parents are continuous, one-way givings before their children reach adulthood, but they are not. Children also have something to give back: they provide emotional value and spiritual comfort to their parents, such as the future of the family, the future of their parents, and so on.
But when children reach adulthood, this balance is often upset. Children are already independent in life and mentally, they no longer need their parents to help them with food, clothing, housing and transportation, and they do not want their parents to interfere too much with them.
▽ The most crucial point is that they will no longer provide emotional value to their parents as they did when they were children.
It's normal to think about it! When children are young, parents are their whole world. Every word and deed of parents can affect their emotions. But when the child is older, it is impossible to revolve around his parents anymore! They may even cry for their lovers and grieve for their friends... Only no longer paying attention to and responding to parents' emotions.
▽ So many parents can't accept it. I have been worried about my children for most of my life, but now I let them withdraw from the world of children, they are not used to it and are not reconciled! Many parents will do everything possible to brush up on their children's lives.
For example, the mother of the poster, I think she may also want to see her daughter by sending things; If she doesn't listen to the dissuasion and brings her daughter what she thinks is delicious, it may also be that she is worried that her daughter will not be able to eat good food outside (probably subconsciously thinking that her daughter will not take care of herself when she leaves home).
………………………………………
➤ I can also understand the mood of the poster! What she wants is the kind of "two-way love" with her parents: the parents I need will accept me happily, and the parents I don't need should not force it to me.
But parents are used to giving in one direction, and the pattern of vision is destined to make it difficult for them to make changes.
▽ Many people may have this "sweet burden", but please give your parents a little patience and understanding! Imagine if these things were brought back by your own children, wouldn't they be so irritated? Thank your parents in person, and then deal with the superfluous things for you, so that both parties are happy.
It's that people get old. Most of the time, parents will leave before we do. Maybe what we get bored with is what others can't ask for!