For many Chinese Australians, they are often trapped in middle age, living in a foreign country, supporting the elderly and taking care of a small family. Some experienced the death of their relatives and finally chose to "compromise", some because of their children, they could only "run at both ends" in China and Australia, and some because they lived together, and finally there were many contradictions.
No one is wrong, everyone is thinking about each other, but what can be done?
* "I'm gone, who can still go to see your dad on Qingming Festival?" ”*
Joyce is an only child, and she has had the best relationship with her father since she was a child. In her eyes, "Any trouble, as long as you talk to your father, you can solve it." ”
On the road of life, she has always been smooth, even if she was "optimized" by the workplace at the age of 34, she successfully immigrated to Australia in early 2019.
She said that at the time, she felt, "It is only a one-night flight distance to return to China, and it is not a big problem." But who knows, in July 2020, when the epidemic broke out, my father who was far away in China died of a sudden myocardial infarction.
She recalled with red eyes, "At that time, my mind was confused, I asked three times on the phone, and subconsciously wanted to book a ticket to go back to confirm, but I found that I couldn't go back at all, and it collapsed all of a sudden." ”
After that, many funeral matters were all handled by relatives, and even his father's posthumous photos were held by his cousin.
She sobbed quietly, "I've never been so powerless. There was only one mother left in the country, which made her very worried, hoping that the old man could settle in Australia, but was refused.
Joyce said she understands the elderly's discomfort with language, travel and foreign countries, but she worries, "No one can guarantee that there will be no accidents." The mother was determined not to go abroad, and told her, "If I also leave, who can go to see your father during the Qingming Festival?" ”
At present, Joyce has submitted an application for permanent residence for her mother. If the old man is still reluctant to come over after approval, she decides to return to China to take care of her.
She sighed helplessly, "There is always someone to compromise. ”
*"Parents are really old and have been cheated on because they need companionship"*
Ms. Zhang (pseudonym), a post-80s generation living in Melbourne, hopes that her parents can come to Australia to settle down, but the elderly who are healthy and have a rich retirement life do not want to come at all, so they can only put it on hold temporarily.
In recent years, I have learned from my parents that there is an insurance salesman who takes good care of their family.
She said that at first she suspected that the other party was only peddling insurance, but after many years, the salesman, who also surnamed Zhang, not only came to visit them during the New Year's holidays, but also took them on free trips many times.
Until I returned to China last year, because my mother was not familiar with the operation of the insurance company's app, she asked Ms. Zhang to help check the income.
Upon inspection, she was shocked. In the past few years, the parents have divided all their savings of about 1.2 million yuan into several times to purchase a variety of "wealth management insurance" with an annualized rate of more than 4%.
However, it is clearly stated in the contract that the purchase is an accidental death compensation insurance, which not only has no interest for 5 years, but also loses hundreds of thousands of principal if the policy is surrendered early.
"They didn't believe me at first, but then they called the insurance company's customer service to confirm." She felt both helpless and guilty.
"That's when I realized that my parents were really old, and they would be deceived because they were lonely and because they needed companionship."
Even so, the second elder is still reluctant to come to Macao to live for a long time, for fear that he will not be able to adapt to the new environment, and he is afraid that sharing a place will "cause trouble" to his daughter. They also don't want to sell off their Chinese properties, "there's no going back." ”
"I'm really not unfilial, but children also need to be taken care of." Ms. Zhang has no choice but to choose to "run at both ends" between China and Australia.
*"Everyone is enduring, and they are all wronged"*
also wants to pick up his parents to come to Australia for the elderly, as well as Mr. Wang (pseudonym). The old man came to stay for a short time last year, but who knew that it caused a "family war".
He was a little embarrassed to say that because his wife did not want to live with her in-laws, she applied for visas and bought air tickets "secretly". This "cut first and then play" operation made the other party very angry, but finally accepted it.
But not long after the old man lived, the two sides had disagreements in many aspects such as living habits, dietary tastes and children's education, resulting in "everyone is enduring, and they are all wronged". Because he lives in the suburbs, the old man does not understand the language, has no friends, and can only rely on his son for everything, and feels more and more that living in Australia is "going to prison".
Three months later, they resolutely returned to China and said frankly, "I can't move anymore, so I'll go to a nursing home." ”
Schematic diagram (image source: Internet)
"I feel like a failure." Mr. Wang said that if he could buy a house for his parents alone, the problem might be solved, but due to his own economic conditions, it would be difficult to achieve it in the short term.
He said that in the future, he still hopes that his parents will come to Australia to retire, and the current solution is to consider partially renovating the house, so that his parents can have an independent living space and avoid conflicts. "If you can't do it, you can only take one step at a time."
*Excluding nursing homes, Australian Chinese prefer to care for the elderly at home*
Amy, who is engaged in Chinese elderly care services in Australia, said that in addition to the elderly who need professional medical services, Chinese people usually do not choose nursing homes, and most choose to care for the elderly at home.
She believes that compared with elderly care in China, "Australia's home care service system is more professional and perfect, allowing the elderly to meet a variety of living needs in a safe and familiar environment." ”
Not only do practitioners need to be licensed and regulated, but the government also provides support programs for eligible seniors, providing pension funds, most of which are sufficient to pay for services without much financial burden.
Schematic diagram (image source: Internet)
She also said that the difficulties faced by the elderly Chinese in Australia focus on language, travel and companionship, and these have detailed services to provide, from living expenses, driving shopping, haircuts, nail clipping and mowing and other trivial chores, to psychological treatment, physical exercise, personal cleaning, etc., "Very humane, and will be adjusted in time according to personal circumstances." ”
For example, Amy explained that because of the fear of conflict with her children, most of the elderly live alone, so her job also includes chatting, singing, or accompanying to activities. The spare time life of the elderly is also very rich, many people go to church, or participate in club activities, can meet a lot of like-minded friends, to avoid loneliness.
Finally, she suggested that children who want their parents to retire in Australia can learn more about Australia's pension service system (you can check the official website of My Age Care), which is best to let the elderly have a personal experience and make it easier to dispel their worries.