After 1 hour of the child's tears, the father agreed to go on an outing, but what happened to the children who lost to their parents? 

Mi Li's mother loves to share

2024-07-01 11:51Creator in the field of parenting

Text | Mi Li's mother

How does your child usually react when you reject his request?

Recently, Mi Li's mother swiped the video of a little boy after being rejected, and she felt her heart pinch up.

In fact, the matter is very simple, the school organized an outing, and the little boy happily told his parents, but he didn't expect that his father only had a cold sentence: Don't go.

Before the little boy could recover from his joy, he was stunned by this indifferent refusal.

But what is distressing is that he did not plead again and again, nor did he cry and continue to fight, but sat aside with the newspaper and wept silently.

He didn't even dare to speak out about his grievances, what was he thinking?

He cried for an hour, with a string of tears on his cheeks, and his eyes were about to swell from crying, and his father suddenly felt that this was too pitiful, and it was better to let you go on an outing.

Mi Li's mother didn't know what the little boy's mood was when he learned that he could participate in the outing, but he didn't have the slightest joy at all when he substituted for himself.

For such a trivial thing as an outing, it is clear that a word from parents can make the child happy for a long time, why do you want to make him cry and say "agree" from above?

In a parent-child relationship, if only parents have the power to say "no", then education is no longer education, but an endless war between parents and children.

Entangled in small things, it is the child who suffers

Seeing the experience of this little boy's outing, Mi Li's mother immediately thought of the Five Rampant Meetings that Lu Xun looked forward to when he was a child.

For children, the lively event is very attractive, and Lu Xun is no exception, he gets up early in the morning, gets ready early, laughs and dances to urge his family to hurry up.

When he was about to get on the boat, his father suddenly appeared behind him and asked him to endorse it, "If you can't memorize it, you won't be allowed to go to the meeting."

Restricted by his father's majesty, although Lu Xun was reluctant, he also forced himself to write it down quickly, not understanding what it meant, and not being able to tell what he was talking about, just mechanically trying to remember every word.

His mother and workers did not dare to stop him, and everyone waited for the results of his recitation, and under such pressure, he memorized it from early morning until the sun rose.

After his father's inspection, Lu Xun was finally able to go to the meeting, but he no longer had joy, even if he didn't delay the trip, the lively Five Rampant Meeting did not leave any trace in his mind.

Until he was an adult, all he had in his mind was the pain and torture of the endorsement, but he couldn't remember the content of the book.

Between the lines, there are full of regrets, but there are also deep incomprehensions.

Lu Xun wrote this sentence at the end of the article: When I think about it, I am still surprised why my father asked me to endorse it at that time.

Yes, why do you want to endorse it at this time, and what can you delay when you come back and memorize it?

What Mi Li's mother can think of, except to show who has the final say in this family, is of no use.

If you are entangled with your child over trivial matters, your parents will definitely win, but what will happen to your child after you lose?

Mi Li's mother once brushed a girl to tell the story of her "baby bowl".

When she was a child visiting the supermarket, the girl took a fancy to a bowl that was given as a giveaway.

Because she thought it was cute, she solemnly announced to everyone in the family: "This is my special bowl, I use this for dinner!" ”

Because of her young age, the girl was active and happy to eat for her own unique bowl at first, and she had to be the first to serve the meal every time.

But once, when she appeared at the dinner table a little later, she found that the bowl that belonged to her alone in her mind was in her mother's hands.

She said aggrievedly: "Mom, that's what I used for me." ”

But her father was very dissatisfied, and reprimanded her impatiently: "There are so many things to eat, can't you all use it?" ”

To be honest, just reading the words described by the girl, Mi Li's mother could feel her loss and sadness at that time.

This is not the only bowl at home that can be used, so why can't she be satisfied?

What's even more speechless is that after the girl is silent, this bowl will even be shared with the guests, and it is no longer the baby bowl that only she uses.

However, even the girl herself didn't expect that after several years, when her parents were eating, they suddenly said:

"Isn't this bowl just for you? Why don't you use it? ”

Not to mention that this girl has mixed feelings in her heart, even Mi Li's mother can't help but feel a burst of sadness.

It turned out that her parents knew everything, but they just didn't want to satisfy her.

So the end of the story ends with the girl being away from her parents.

Some people may think: As for it? Your parents worked hard to raise you, and you stayed away from your parents because of this?

We have only seen one disappointment in the baby bowl incident, but how many times has she been neglected in her growth process?

When parents have to compete with their children on inconsequential matters, they seem to be pinching their children, but in fact, they will only make their children have a knot in their parents.

Parents are entangled in whether to win or not, and children are thinking about whether to love or not.

Staggered communication, the branches of the child's tree will only grow farther and farther away from the parents.

Don't get into the misconception of power struggles

Have you ever been particularly stubborn about one thing?

Mi Li's mother saw such a child in a book.

Boys in elementary school, on their way home from school every day, have a habit that cannot be shaken: picking leaves.

Whatever leaves, grass, all pick up and take home, sometimes in a school bag, sometimes on the desk, where you like.

The result was obvious, the house was a mess, and the biggest concern for my mother was who knew if there were any bacteria on it and what to do if she got sick.

So the mother and son launched an earth-shattering tug-of-war.

The mother resolutely did not allow the little boy to pick up the leaves again, and the effect was still not obvious after the beating and scolding, so she checked the schoolbag before entering the house, picked up the child from school, etc., and thought of all the ways she could think of.

The little boy also has a policy and a countermeasure, in short, he tries his best to pick up leaves.

The mother and son had a small quarrel for three days and a big quarrel for five days, and the chickens and dogs were jumping all day long at home, and the children just didn't change.

There was no way, the mother consulted the author, an expert in child education, and she wanted to get a way to make the child obedient, but the author told her:

So what if you let him collect the leaves?

Instead of arguing with your child all the time, it is better to let your child collect leaves in a more appropriate way.

Put it in a fixed box every day, make a specimen, bookmark, or keep it as a souvenir in your spare time, which not only satisfies your child's wishes, but also makes the home tidy.

The most important thing is that the parent-child relationship will no longer be strained.

There is a sentence in the book that Mi Li's mother is very impressed: In the end of the dispute, what my mother cares about is not the leaves, but her own wins and losses.

I think so.

Many times, when parents and children start to compete, the original intention will deviate, and in the end, the thinking is no longer about solving the problem, but how to win the game.

However, when parents and children begin to tug-of-war for power between parents and children, there is no winner, regardless of the outcome.

There was a video that was very popular before, a mother was tutoring a boy in elementary school to write homework, and the mother found that her son did not seal when he wrote the number "8".

So, the mother and son began to argue.

The mother insisted that it had to be kept shut up, and the boy argued with reason, as the teacher said.

Seeing that her son was so tough, her mother also lost her temper, pointed to her homework and asked him: Are you sure this 8 is empty here, don't you write strictly?

The camera turned to the little boy, and he could see it clearly, his eyes were red, obviously he had cried, and he knew that he must have been aggrieved and scared under the majesty of his mother.

Even so, my mother continued to ask: Is the teacher's speech empty?

The little boy nodded affirmatively, and even with tears in his eyes, he loudly affirmed "um"!

My mother was angry and called the teacher to confirm, and heard the teacher's voice on the other end of the phone, "Yes, we are talking about a gap."

The little boy couldn't control it anymore, sobbing and crying, watching the child wipe his tears with his sleeve, Mi Li's mother couldn't help but have pantothenic acid on her nose.

was wronged and questioned, and the grievances in this are really only understood by himself.

But what was the reaction of the mother who learned the truth, watching the child crying, she just said two perfunctory words "I'm sorry, I'm sorry".

A large number of netizens appeared in the comment area to say:

"When I was a child, I would whisper that it doesn't matter, go to the side alone and cry, and I will be said again after crying for a long time";

"If you prove that I'm right, my mother will say it's not that you have a bad tone, in short, your parents are right when they are wrong."

In the final analysis, what does it matter if the number 8 is not sealed, it is not enough to argue with the child at all.

However, parents compete with their children over trivial matters, and once they get up, the truth and truth are no longer important, and emotions prevail, and they just want to maintain their authority as parents.

The child is sad and aggrieved, and the parents have inadvertently become the adults they once feared the most, not to mention the problems in the parent-child relationship, but also the future education, planting a time bomb.

All problems are problems of relationships

In the TV series "In the Name of Family", Qi Mingyue is a good girl who is a school bully and has been living under the control of her mother.

Making extra rolls and attending tutorial classes are just basics, and even what clothes to wear, what friends to make, and even what food to eat are up to your mother to decide.

The mother's starting point is also very understandable, she doesn't want her daughter to be distracted by things other than studying, so she can concentrate on studying, be admitted to a good university, and have a bright future.

But in order to resist her mother, Qi Mingyue deliberately missed an answer sheet during the college entrance examination, so she missed a good university that she could have and could only go to an ordinary university far away from home.

At that time, Qi Mingyue was very happy and felt that she had finally gotten rid of her mother's control.

But Mi Li's mother saw it in her eyes, only heartache and regret.

Is it really worth it to gamble your future and run away from your mother? Why can't I listen to my mother again?

Later, Mi Li's mother gradually understood that her mother had overdrawn too much trust in Qi Mingyue's heart, in other words, she no longer believed in any of her mother's promises.

I suddenly remembered that an educator said that all parent-child problems are relationship problems.

If you think about it, the parent-child relationship is indeed the premise of education, and only when children trust their parents unconditionally will they be willing to listen to their parents' teachings.

Under the tense relationship, even if the parents are right, the children only want to do it.

Emotions do not distinguish between right and wrong, but actions do.

Parents are not saints, but they can be adults who are willing to apologize.

An unprecedented quarrel breaks out between a mother and her daughter, who asks her daughter to throw away all her beloved cards.

The daughter compromised, and she also kept her majesty, but looking at her daughter's sad appearance, her mother also confessed:

I wanted to pick it up at the time, but I felt that if I picked it up, I would admit defeat.

It wasn't until later that she reacted: How can I win or lose in a parent-child relationship?

So, the next day, the mother immediately came to the store and, with the help of the clerk, bought a lot of cards, and when she gave them to her daughter, her daughter did not react.

But the mother was not embarrassed, and said directly to her daughter: "It is very wrong for me to let you throw away that card, so I want to tell you that I am sorry." ”

When she saw the card, the girl didn't smile, but after listening to her mother's words, she smiled happily, and her eyes seemed to suddenly light up a lamp.

After saying "It's okay", the little girl also took the initiative to hug her mother, and at this moment, Mi Li's mother saw not only the reconciliation of a mother and daughter, but also the process of a stronger parent-child relationship.

The struggle for power can happen between parents and children all the time.

Eat first or do your homework first, go out tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, etc., everything that seems inconspicuous can be disagreed.

Mi Li's mother is not saying that parents must listen to their children completely, but that when they contradict their children's opinions, they must first clarify whether this is a major matter involving habits and concepts, or a small matter of personal differences.

Inconsequential small things can give children the right to choose, and big things should also be explained clearly and clearly, instead of posing as parents and forcing children to "listen to me".

Only when the child understands the reasons behind each action can he trust his parents and thus avoid being overwhelmed in the next dispute.

As the child grows up day by day, Mi Li's mother feels more and more that the parent-child relationship is more important than everything.

As parents, we may have had many moments of confusion and stubbornness, but as long as we always keep in mind our original intention of wanting our children to be healthy and happy, there is no threshold that cannot be overcome.

Personal Profile: @米粒妈爱分享 Mi Li's mother, American returnee, Haidian parent. Focus on learning, educational experience and further education.

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