My name is Wang Xiuzhi and I am 71 years old. Sitting on the sofa in my daughter's living room, I looked out the window at the falling sycamore leaves and couldn't help but fall into deep thought.
Time flies, time flies, and in a blink of an eye, I have reached the age of antiquity, but the preference in my heart has never changed.
I have a son and a daughter, my son Wang Jianguo is 45 years old this year, and my daughter Wang Li is 43 years old this year. From the moment they fell to the ground, my heart was tilted towards my son.
At that time, my wife and I both felt that having a son could be regarded as the inheritance of the Wang family. Whenever I hold Jianguo and look at his round little face, my heart is full of joy.
"Jianguo, you are the hope of our royal family!" I used to say that to him, even though he was a babbling baby.
In contrast, my attitude towards my daughter Wang Li is much colder. When she was born, I was still a little disappointed in my heart, and I felt that I had given birth to another "money-losing product". Although I have never said it explicitly, this partiality is everywhere in daily life.
I remember one time, Jianguo and Lili fell ill at the same time and had a high fever. I stayed in front of Jianguo's bed all night, wiping his sweat and feeding him medicine, but I only occasionally went to see Lili.
Seeing this, the neighbor couldn't bear it and persuaded me: "Lili is also your own child, why are you so partial?" ”
I stubbornly replied: "You don't understand, Jianguo is a boy, and his body and bones matter." Lili is fine, girl, anti-manufacturing. ”
In this way, Jianguo grew up under my care, but Lili always lived in the shadow of her brother. I knew in my heart that this was wrong, but I just couldn't change my mind.
Ten years ago, my wife passed away due to illness. At that time, I was 61 years old, and my body was quite strong, but suddenly I became a lonely old man.
His son Jianguo has already started a family and has his own small family in the city. One day, he came to see me and made a suggestion.
"Mom," Jianguo sat across from me, and stopped talking, "I don't think it's convenient for you to live alone." Or...... Staying at Lili's house for a while? ”
I was stunned, and there was a sense of loss in my heart: "Jianguo, are you disgusted with your mother?" ”
Jianguo hurriedly waved his hand: "How can it!" Aren't I busy with work and afraid that I won't be able to take care of you? Lili's family conditions are also good, she will definitely take good care of you. ”
I heard the implication that my son didn't want to take on the responsibility of taking care of me. But what can I say? After all, my doting on him over the years has made him develop a selfish character.
I reluctantly nodded, "That...... All right. "And so I moved into my daughter's house.
Lili and her son-in-law treated me very well and took good care of my daily life. But I always felt that it was better to be comfortable at my son's house.
Every time Jianguo came to see me, I would secretly stuff him with some money. "Jianguo, this is a little bit of mother's heart, you take it to buy some delicious food for the child." I always say that.
Jianguo never shirked: "Thank you, Mom!" You're so nice. ”
Over the years, I haven't been without nothing. The old house was demolished, and I received 800,000 yuan in compensation. I didn't tell anyone about it, and I kept it in my heart, thinking about leaving it to my grandson.
After all, in my heart, boys still need this money more, and they will have to marry and have children in the future, and the burden will be heavier.
Every time I think about this money, I feel uneasy. I know it's unfair to Lili, but I just can't get rid of this old patriarchal problem.
Sometimes, watching Lili take care of me before and after, I also feel a little guilty in my heart. But when I think about the founding of the country, that guilt disappears.
In the dead of night, I often toss and turn, thinking about all these years. I knew that my partiality had hurt my daughter, but I was reluctant to change. This stubbornness made my later life full of contradictions and entanglements.
How I wish I could treat my two children fairly, but that deep-seated notion is like a shackle that shackles my mind.
Outside the window, the autumn breeze was bleak, rolling up a few yellow fallen leaves. I looked at this depressed scene and couldn't help but feel a lot of emotion.
I don't know what the future holds, but I just hope that this secret will never be discovered, otherwise, I'm afraid that our ostensibly harmonious family will fall apart completely.
As the days passed, I have lived in my daughter Wang Li's house for nearly ten years. Every morning, I can smell the aroma wafting from the kitchen, which is the breakfast that Lili has prepared for me.
"Mom, are you up? I cooked your favorite millet porridge and stir-fried some greens. Lili's voice came from outside the door, gentle and considerate.
I slowly got up and said, "Here it is, here it is." Lili, don't be so troublesome. ”
Walking into the dining room, there is a steaming breakfast on the table. Lili smiled as I sat down and poured me another glass of warm water. "Mom, eat more. You've been looking good lately, and we're all very happy. ”
I know in my heart that Lili and her husband Xiao Li take good care of me. The house is cleaned up, and my favorite dishes are always on the table, and they are more anxious than me if there is any discomfort. But for some reason, I always feel that this place is not as comfortable as my son's house. Maybe it's because I'm more comfortable building a country.
I can express my love for my grandson without any scruples, and I can give my son money with confidence. At Lili's house, I always have a feeling of indebtedness, but I don't feel comfortable anymore.
Every month, I would find an opportunity to call Jianguo, claiming that I wanted to meet and catch up. Actually, I wanted to give him some money.
"Jianguo, this is some money saved by my mother, you can use it to pay off the mortgage." I secretly shoved him with a stack of bills, and my face was full of love.
Jianguo sometimes excuses: "Mom, you can keep it, we don't lack this money." But I insisted, "Take it, Mom knows that you young people are under a lot of pressure." Besides, I live at your sister's house, and it doesn't cost much. ”
Every time I gave the money, I was nervous, for fear of being discovered by Lili. But when I think of being able to help my son, I think it's worth it.
For my grandson Xiao Ming, I love him even more. Every time he came to see me, I would secretly give him pocket money.
"Grandma, you're so nice!" Xiao Ming always accepted it with a smile, "I will study hard and live up to your expectations." ”
Looking at my grandson's youthful and sunny smiling face, my heart is full of relief. I thought to myself, this child must have a great future in the future.
Just last week, Xiao Ming's college entrance examination ended. When I heard that I did well, I was happy and excited.
I made up my mind that it was time to make good on my promise. Taking advantage of the fact that Lili and his wife were not at home, I called Xiao Ming: "Obviously, grandma has something to tell you, can you come here?" ”
Xiao Ming came soon. I mysteriously took out an envelope from under the bed, which contained a deposit receipt of 800,000 yuan. "Obviously, this is the compensation for the demolition of the old house, and I have never been willing to use it. Now that you have finished the college entrance examination, grandma wants to give you this money, and you will be able to use it for college and house in the future. ”
Xiao Ming's eyes widened in surprise: "Grandma, this ...... That's too much! I can't ask for it. ”
I insisted: "Take it, you are a boy, you will have to support a family in the future, and the burden will be heavy." Grandma's wish is this, don't refuse. ”
Looking at my firm eyes, Xiao Ming finally took the deposit receipt, with tears shining in his eyes: "Thank you, grandma, I will definitely use this money well and live up to your expectations." ”
I clapped his hand: "Good boy, but one thing, don't tell anyone, including your parents." It's a secret of our grandparents, okay? ”
Xiao Ming nodded solemnly: "I promise, I will never say it." ”
After seeing Xiao Ming leave, I breathed a sigh of relief, feeling both relaxed and guilty. I knew it would be unfair to Lili, but I always felt that my grandson was a boy, and the burden was heavier and he needed the money more in the future.
In the dead of night, I lay in bed and thought back to the years that had taken place. Lili's careful care, Xiao Li's thoughtfulness, and the sweet smile of her grandchild Girl Tong all appeared in front of her eyes one by one. I can't help but blame myself, why can't I change this eccentricity?
But when I think of Jianguo and Xiao Ming, I feel that I have done the right thing. It's not easy for boys, if I don't help, who will?
Thinking like this, I gradually comforted myself and slowly fell asleep. However, I never dreamed that this secret, which I had carefully maintained, would soon be revealed in the near future, bringing a huge storm to our family.
Today is a normal weekend, I was watching TV in the living room, and Lili and Xiao Li went out to buy groceries. Suddenly, I heard the sound of a key inserting into the keyhole, followed by hurried footsteps.
"Mom!" There was a hint of anger in Lili's voice that I had never heard before, "Can you explain what this is all about?" ”
I turned around in confusion and saw Lili holding a piece of paper in her hand, her face pale. Xiao Li stood behind her with a serious expression.
"It's ...... What is this? "I suddenly felt a sense of foreboding.
Lili slapped the piece of paper on the coffee table, and said in a trembling voice, "This is the bank's deposit certificate!" 800,000! You actually secretly gave your brother's Xiao Ming 800,000! ”
I suddenly sat on pins and needles, and stammered: "Lili, you listen to your mother's explanation......"
"Explain what?" Lili interrupted me, her eyes welling up with tears, "Ten years, ten years!" Xiao Li and I are frugal and take care of you like a mother. But what about you? You have been secretly helping to build the country, and you have given all your savings to Xiao Ming! ”
I stood up in a panic and wanted to defend: "Lili, you listen to me, he ...... to build the country"
"Enough!" Lili shouted, "Since you were a child, you have always been partial to your brother. I thought you would change over the years, but I didn't expect you to get even worse! Do you know how Xiao Li and I have come over the years? We saved the money to buy a house and gave it to Tong Tong to take interest classes, but I am afraid that you think we are not as good as my brother's family! ”
I was stung by Lili's words, and I lowered my head and didn't know how to respond. At this time, Xiao Li, who had been silent, spoke.
"Mom," his voice was filled with disappointment, "do you think our family treats you badly?" Why? ”
I choked up and said, "No, you're nice to me, but ......"
"But what?" Lili sneered, "But I'm not a boy?" So I'll never be as good as my brother, will I? ”
I was speechless, and my heart was overturned. Lili continued: "Mom, do you know? For the past ten years, I've been trying to prove that I'm no worse than my brother. I take care of you so wholeheartedly, I just hope that one day you will treat us fairly. But what about you? You...... ......"
Lili couldn't say it anymore, and tears welled up in her eyes. Xiao Li gently patted her back and looked at me with a complicated expression.
I hurriedly explained, "Lili, Mom didn't mean that. I just think they need money more to build a nation......"
"Let's go," Lili said suddenly, "I don't want to see you again." ”
I was stunned, I couldn't believe my ears: "Lili, what do you mean by this?" ”
Xiao Li sighed and said, "Mom, our family doesn't welcome such eccentric people. You'd better move out. ”
I panicked and trembled and said, "But...... But where can I go? ”
Lili said coldly, "Don't you have a son?" Let him raise you! ”
In this way, I packed my luggage in a daze and walked out of the door of Lili's house. Standing on an unfamiliar street, I was suddenly overwhelmed. As the sun sets, the streets are crowded with pedestrians, and no one cares about this lonely old lady.
Trembling, I dialed Jianguo's phone.
"Hey, Mom? What's the matter? Jianguo's voice came from the earpiece.
"Jianguo," I forced myself to cry, "Mom is in some trouble, can I go to your house for a few days?" ”
There was silence on the other end of the phone for a while, and then a sigh came: "Mom, it's not convenient for me here!" Xiao Ming is about to go to college, we are busy helping him fill in the volunteers, buy things for college, and plan to take him out on a trip, how can we have time to take care of you? ”
But ...... I was about to say something, but the phone was already hung up.
I stood on the street in a daze, watching the crowd come and go, and for the first time I felt what it means to be unaccompanied. As night fell, a cool breeze blew, and I couldn't help but shiver.
Looking back on all these years, I finally realized how wrong I was. Lili's good intentions, Xiao Li's thoughtfulness, and Tong Tong's innocence, I turned a blind eye to them. I always thought I was helping to build the country, but I unknowingly hurt the people who really cared about me.
Thinking of Lili's disappointed eyes, my heart hurts like being cut by a knife. Yes, in the past ten years, she has taken care of me day and night, tolerated my partiality, and paid silently. And me? But he repaid her in this way.
How I wish I could turn back the clock and start all over again. I will treat both children equally and no longer be biased. I will cherish Lili's filial piety and give more love to Tongtong. But it was too late.
As the night wore on, I dragged my heavy footsteps and wandered aimlessly through the streets. What I once prided myself on being patriarchal is now a source of pain for me. I finally understood that partiality not only hurt my daughter, but also ruined my own old age.
Tears blurred my eyes, and I muttered to myself: "Lili, I'm sorry......" Unfortunately, no one listened to this belated apology.