Preface
Every Monday, Love and Happiness will excerpt the highlights of Mr. Zheng Wei's live class last week and share them with you.
Today, we continue to share the 124th lecture of the live class: If you can't get through marriage, who is the culprit?
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Chapter. 01
Today's theme is quite interesting, "If you can't get through your marriage, who is to blame?" ”
I have the answer, I don't know if you have the answer.
Someone said: "Family of origin." "Then the people who are unhappy in their original families can't get through their marriages?
Someone said, "It's yourself." "Everyone has done their best in marriage, but "themselves" are the culprit, I don't think this answer is satisfactory, right?
Someone said, "It's all the moon." "Why blame the moon?
Someone else said: "Both sides are responsible." Isn't that the same as not answering?
Someone said, "Lack of awareness." "I think the answer is a bit close.
Before I say the answer in my heart, I want to tell you about the nine states of marriage that I have summarized, what stage of your marriage is you?
- First, I want to live with him for the rest of my life.
- Second, love is sweet.
- Third, I want to have a good time.
- Fourth, live like this.
- Fifth, make do,
- Sixth, I really don't want to get past it.
- Seventh, I can't get by.
- Eighth, forget it.
- Ninth, he left (became a "heart" master).
A lady once said to me, "I'm going to divorce him, I hate him to death." ”
I asked her, "Do you still hate him when you leave?" ”
"I hated him all my life," she said. ”
I said, "Congratulations, you've managed to make him your lifelong sweetheart!" ”
Because you hate him, you hate him, do you always have him in your heart? He's the one you love!
I want to tell you that whether your marriage is "loving and sweet", "wanting to live well", "living like this", "making do", "really not wanting to live", "can't live anymore", or "leaving", deep down in your heart, you "want to live with him for the rest of your life". Even the "departed" person is willing to live a good life with the person in front of him deep down, agree?
Therefore, the first sentence for you today: marriage "can't go on" may be much more meaningful than "can go on".
Because "my marriage can survive", doesn't this sound so miserable?
can get by, but a very average or not good marriage, like a frog in warm water, may die, don't know what wisdom is, and live in vain.
[Recommended reading: Why did you get married?] What is the purpose of getting married? Teacher Zheng Wei's live Q&A lecture 123]
But people who "can't get by" in marriage tend to find a way. Of course, divorce is a way out, and living happily ever after is also a way out.
Chapter. 02
Today, when we talk about "the culprit of the marriage that can't go on", we are not looking for anyone's right or wrong and making him responsible, but to find ways and methods that can "go on" happily and lovingly.
At the same time, I want to tell those who can't get through their marriages that in your family life, aren't you always looking for right and wrong, so you can't live well?
The biggest influence of Western culture on us is in the relationship between husband and wife, Westerners talk about free love, and divorce if the marriage can't last; Chinese do not talk about free love, often fall in love in marriage, even if they can't get by, they don't divorce, because marriage can't go on is certain, and because "can't go on" to live well.
The second sentence for everyone: Chinese marriage must have experienced a bad experience in order to live really well.
Because the process of young people from love to marriage is to go from "sweet but not loving" to "not sweet love", this must go through a very uncomfortable stage.
If we can not think about "divorce", but "how to love", our lifelong marriage will be beautiful.
Chapter. 03
Now, I will give you the answer to "who is the culprit if the marriage can't go on":
First, ignorance.
We don't know how marriage is lived, and we don't know the difference and nature of marriage and love;
We may not know what our husband, his real needs as a man, are;
We may also not know what is the truth behind the wife, as a woman, who is so loving and emotional.
Even we don't know that marital problems may be a continuation of our problems with our parents.
So, we are ignorant.
Second, selfishness.
If you don't have a good marriage, it must be because of selfishness.
- The essence of "marriage" is love, think less about yourself, and try to give each other their inner needs selflessly.
- The essence of "love" is selfishness, because there is no "love", only "love".
Many people ask for "love" in "marriage", so they don't have a good time.
Someone asked me, "Mr. Zheng, is one of the husband and wife selfish and the other selfless?" ”
I can tell you: no, if you have a bad marriage, you must be both selfish. Because if a person really has no selfish love, the other person will definitely be touched by love, and the power of love is very great.
Therefore, I often say that love is not important, marriage is not important, love is the most important.
Thirdly, never loved.
The truly happy family of Chinese is called "mutual love", that is, every two people in the family love each other.
The "mutual love" is based on the love of husband and wife, and the love of husband and wife is based on personal love, and personal love needs cultural nourishment and practice.
In this era, we have thrown away culture, and many people regard "good" as "love". Remember: "being good to them" is not love, and loving someone is not just "good to them".
I hope you can listen to today's content, and you will reap the happiness of a real family.
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