It is common to see parents asking for help on the Internet, especially those facing rebellious children. They described all kinds of unbelievable behaviors, saying that "I am going crazy when the second junior high school girl rebels" and asked the majority of netizens if there is any solution. Discussions on Tieba and forums often turn into a chaotic "Zu'an takes the old eight" style of scolding, while on Zhihu and Weibo, the discussion quickly turns to a general criticism: there are problems with family education, parents manage too much, or the disadvantages of Chinese-style education, and in the end there is always a conclusion: "It's not the child who has the problem, it's you who has the problem." ”
Two words appear particularly frequently in these critiques: "respect" and "equality." Critics believe that children are rebellious because parents don't respect them at all and don't communicate with them on an equal footing, so children don't trust their parents and don't want to talk about their hearts, and parents can't really understand their children's inner world.
1. The theory is beautiful, but the reality is skinny
On the surface, such logic seems to make perfect sense. But if you think about it, you can see the problem. It is true that the disadvantages of disrespecting inequality are clear, but are "respect" and "equality" really the panacea for solving the problem?
Respecting your child's wishes and being friends with your child sounds beautiful and is a politically correct attitude. However, in practice, it is not useful at all. How can a child who is not financially independent, or even a child whose three views are not fully sound, and an adult achieve true equality? Psychologically, physically, physically, it's impossible.
In theory, this approach does sound perfect, and every sentence makes sense, but it doesn't stand the test of reality at all. You say you want to give your children independent space and let them have their own little secrets. But you never know if they're going to do anything out of the ordinary in their own separate space. You say you should respect your child's choice, but what do you do if they choose a clearly wrong direction, such as going to study art before finishing junior high school, and if they don't pass the exam, they will come back for another year? Is it also necessary to respect their choice?
2. Huge differences in the cognitive level of the two sides
The premise of equality is that both parties have a similar cognitive level, and the child's cognition is still developing, and many times it is meaningless to reason with them. They only see themselves and no one else. For teenagers, there is only passion and fun in their eyes, and there are no pros and cons. They feel that what is in front of them is more important than anything else.
The law clearly stipulates that minors and adults bear different responsibilities, and even for the serious crime of homicide, minors receive different sentences. This shows the inequality of punishment between minors and adults.
So, why do parents think that they can communicate with a child who is not fully cognitively connected? There is no problem with the child, the problem is in the parents' minds, and many times, parents often scold and educate to treat their children, purely by yelling at the children or strict discipline, which is basically in vain, and making the children more disgusted, I came here like this, until a few months ago, I studied for a period of time in the Gaotu beautiful family, and learned too much with Mr. Sun Yirong, at first because after the small promotion to junior high school, the child's learning was originally in the middle, but after the junior high school added geography and biology, the child was very hard at the beginning, But in the second half of the year, the opportunity was very backward, and even he was rotten and didn't study!
The family was also very anxious, but they couldn't control their emotions, which caused the smell of gunpowder at home to be particularly strong during that time, basically blowing up at one point, and the child was becoming more and more rebellious. Ask the teacher for help, the teacher let the science guide, recommended the Gaotu beautiful family, the first half of the second year of junior high school, basically we stabilized, the child also realized the value of learning, caught up, and the atmosphere at home was also good, so it is worth learning. The children in the family are rebellious and disobedient, you can send me a private message to reply [666] to the guidance and help of Teacher Sun Yirong, as well as to obtain a large number of electronic materials for family education!
3. When the child has gone astray
How can you stop your children when they are already starting to go astray? Persuasion, respect, communication, and open talk, do you really have that strong persuasive power? If you can't convince them, do you just watch them go astray?
When many parents face their children's rebellion, the only thing they can use is coercive means. Whether it's violent punishment or confinement, it's the only option for parents when their child is completely out of control and communication fails. Because this is the responsibility of parents, I can't help but say. When you bring your children into this world, you have a responsibility to correct their path and not make them do things that they will regret.
4. The true purpose of equality and respect
The so-called equality and respect are actually to win the trust of the child, so that the child is willing to share secrets with you and listen to your advice. Those parents who can really do it are taking advantage of their children's trust and quietly instilling their goals in their children, so that their children can willingly move forward on the path planned by their parents.
Some parents don't know and always feel that equality and respect are the core, but they run into a nose at their children and complain on the Internet that they have communicated well with their children, why it doesn't work. If the effect is not good, it is right, because the three views of parents and the three views of children cannot be the same at all.
5. The importance of parents on the road to education
On the road of education, parents are the most important guides for children. The biggest enemy of education is the "convenience" of adults. The process of education is irreversible, and every lapse of negligence may leave irreparable regrets. The famous educator Tao Xingzhi also said: "Teaching people should start from a young age." Young children, such as seedlings, can only germinate and grow if they are properly cultivated, otherwise they will be damaged at an early age, that is, they will not die young, and it will be difficult to grow. "Every stage of a child's development is crucial, and if missed or mishandled, it can have an irreversible impact on a child's future.
6. Education requires continuous dedication
There are no shortcuts to education, it is a long and meticulous journey, and every step requires the dedicated companionship and guidance of parents. Those missed companionship, neglected guidance, and perfunctory listening are like fallen leaves in the autumn wind, drifting away with the wind, and it is difficult to find them. Every parent should realize that the laziness they steal from their children will become the deepest regret in the future.
As a parent, if you feel that the second year of junior high school girls are rebellious, I am going crazy, and we can't let down our children because of "convenience". Cherish every time you spend with your children, irrigate them with your heart, and witness their thriving growth together. Only in this way can we really help our children get on the right track when they rebel, instead of letting themselves look back on the past with regret and remorse one day in the future.