[Rose] [smiles] [Rose] [smiles] [Rose] [smiles]
A woman is forty, halfway through her life, this is a bit of a big deal. What if, at all, you won't live to be eighty? What if, if you accidentally live to one hundred and two, but the pension is not prepared at all?
A woman is forty, forty is not confused, how dare she say this big thing justifiably? Whether this big talk is another form of involution, so that there are still many people who are confused and afraid in the forty, and they dare not say anything more. Of course, it may also be that there is no strength or time to talk about it.
Note that this forty-year-old woman's name is A'e. This forty-year-old A'e has a husband who is not good-looking but must have a very sweet mouth, otherwise A'e would not have just reached forty, and her son would already be a college student.
I don't know how wonderful the married life of my peers is, but A'e's daily life is quite tiring. During the day, he was so busy in the office that his feet didn't touch the ground, and he had to take time to receive orders from his husband, the kind of rice he loved to eat was doing a special event, and if he didn't buy it, he would suffer a loss, A'e, would you buy it?
Adhering to the saving idea of 'buying is earning', A'e, no matter how much she refuses, her body is very honest, she is thin and weak, she carries two bags of rice in one hand and two large bags of vegetables in the other, and on the way home, she passes by the mahjong table of the sisters in the neighborhood, and can't help but stop and watch.
Is it that the other sisters don't need to rush home to cook dinner in order to sit firmly at the mahjong table in the evening, anyway, A'e doesn't have this privilege. Because my father-in-law also stood at the mahjong table and shouted that he was hungry. And he won't help her carry even a bag of vegetables or a bag of rice.
Note that this woman named A'e has a sweet-mouthed and soft-hearted and kind husband, a sweet and handsome son who will only buy a roast goose for 25 yuan on his mother's birthday, and a fierce, stern and old-fashioned father-in-law who is difficult to serve. Although there are a lot of men in the family, there are not many who can help with things.
Obviously, she didn't need A'e to support her family alone before, because at least she had a good mother-in-law, the kind of good mother-in-law who treated her as her own daughter, gave a red envelope on her birthday, and a plate of shrimp just came out of the pot for A'e to eat the first one. It's a pity that he passed away suddenly.
The mother-in-law died, leaving behind a father-in-law who suffered from Alzheimer's disease, a brother-in-law and a snarky brother-in-law who lived in a wealthy area but picked and searched, and a sister-in-law who easily did not show up after marrying and wanted to kill her relatives when she saw her father's dementia. When will it be a head? A'e's tears must be as bitter as Italian condensation.
In the preface to "Forty and Confused: The Midlife Crisis of the New Generation of Women", it is said, "Who is not confused in middle age". Even though every woman's midlife crisis in her forties is different, I guess what is the same is that they all make us realize that life is actually a process of loss, a process of continuous goodbye.
Loss of collagen, loss of physical vitality, loss of flash of creativity, loss of perceptual acumen, loss of once hard teeth, loss of black and bright hair, loss of a healthy organ, loss of some fantasy and innocence, farewell to one loved one after another, farewell to some friends, farewell to arrogant youth, farewell to the physical strength to get up and continue to work after an all-night hangover......
At dinner in the evening, I watched this "Woman Forty" for the third time in three days, and the father-in-law who was playing Alzheimer's disease in the movie held a black umbrella as a parachute and fell downstairs. Outside the movie, I suddenly asked my mother, who was sitting next to me, "Hey, when my grandmother's Alzheimer's disease was the worst, my dad also discussed that you should quit your job and go home to take care of her, and you were about forty years old at that time, right?" ”
Then there was no more, we didn't continue to talk about this topic, and I didn't have the courage to continue to ask her if she was so tired that she wanted to die at that time, or if she had the idea of "this dog P can't survive a day, so it's better to divorce and run away". We just watched the movie in silence, and I just silently thought that I would remember to drink some wine before going to bed tonight and ask for a good night's sleep.
I can only say that fortunately, I am wise or selfish enough, and if I don't get married, I at least escaped from the heavy responsibility of A'e and my mother, who have to bear the burden of "the old and the old, the old and the young" and absolutely not fall, which automatically reduces a middle-aged dilemma. Even if I have to bear another dilemma in my old age with no one around to support the elderly alone.
Maybe it's better to study less to think less, and less to think about this dilemma, after all, I have rarely heard from countless A'e and my mother's generation of housewives shouting bitterness, tiredness, emptiness, and the meaninglessness of life. Of course, it may be that they simply don't have the time, energy, or physical strength to think, after all, when they open their eyes, they ask the three questions of the philosophy of life: "What to eat in the morning, what to eat at noon, and what to eat at night".
Maybe you will think less when you study less, and you will be more sensitive when you think less, and you will not dislike your husband who minds mediocrity, you will not regret that the careful posture of every time you take out your wallet is not elegant and good-looking, you will not feel aggrieved by the effort made to take care of your other half of your parents, and you will not waste time complaining about the rapidly changing times and young and beautiful female colleagues who think highly of themselves.
"Don't cry, don't be troubled", a generation has a generation's confusion and hardship, a generation has a generation's choice and perseverance, our generation who choose not to marry and love themselves more, and their generation who choose to resign and return to their families, the choice may never be high or low, as long as you enjoy it, as long as you don't regret it, maybe "everything is the best arrangement".
I think that I will rewatch this "Woman Forty" at least once a month in the future, to remind myself to "stop crying, don't worry". Probably because people rewatch this movie when they are forty, but I like Xu Anhua too much to shoot this plain and bland, chicken feather day so good. There are no major events in life, but each and every one is a major event, crushing you or sharpening you, in a thought.
I think I'll go through this book every month to remind myself that "our real 40-year-old lives are so bad compared to the successful women in the magazines who have been so oily and slippery, and even the wrinkles on the face look so out of place", but so what?
Halfway through life, learn to heal yourself, find more support, reshape the way you look at life, abandon unrealistic expectations, and wait patiently. After all, middle age will always end, children will always grow up, relationships will always change, and we will always become less nervous, more confident and relaxed, and no longer worry about whether we look worthless.
If you are experiencing the days of chicken feathers in this place, it doesn't matter, I am also experiencing the same thing with her and her, everyone is in the same leaky boat, trying to flutter and not sink. "Don't weep tears, don't be troubled", encouragement!