It is said that no one is perfect, and the same is true of parents.
The vast majority of parents will make some mistakes on the road of raising their children, and some small mistakes will be slowly repaired on the road of their children's self-growth.
But some mistakes will become a burden that the child can't get rid of on the road of life, affecting the child's life.
As parents, we need to adjust and reflect on ourselves in time to reduce the occurrence of such things as much as possible.
01
Last night, I was chatting with my daughter on WeChat, and my daughter told me that a classmate in her class suffered from depression and dropped out of school a few days ago and returned to China.
This male classmate, whose daughter has mentioned to me several times, has a good economic condition in the family, and his parents are both successful people, and he is the only son in the family.
He and his daughter are from the same city, and the two are closer than other classmates.
The boy usually seems optimistic and cheerful, eats and has fun with everyone, and does not show any tendency to be depressed.
But every time I face a school exam and start writing an essay, I will be so stressed that I can't sleep all night.
When participating in challenging activities at school, they are often on the verge of an emotional breakdown.
Later, such symptoms became more and more frequent, affecting normal life and study, and after going to the hospital for examination, it was confirmed that he was suffering from depression.
In addition, he failed several exams and had to terminate his studies and return to China.
02
When I heard my daughter say this, I felt sorry for this boy in my heart.
Depression, many people don't understand, thinking that only introverted and withdrawn people can suffer from this disease, but a lot of depression happens to those who seem to be sunny.
This is also often overlooked by parents and those around them.
Why did this boy suffer from depression?
In a few conversations with my daughter, I learned a little about the boy.
When the boy was in college, he had to find a counselor many times because of his emotional instability, and every time he talked to the counselor, the boy's mood would stabilize for several days.
But as soon as he received a call from his parents at home, in the boy's own words: one night back to the pre-liberation period.
I heard the boy say that his parents had high expectations for him since he was a child, hoping that he would be a strong and optimistic person.
So from childhood to adulthood, his parents did not allow him to have any vulnerable emotions, and every time he had this emotion, he would be suppressed and reprimanded.
For a long time, he has been positive, sunny, optimistic and cheerful in front of outsiders, as his parents expected.
But in my heart, too many negative emotions have accumulated and I can't release them.
03
In the book "I Really Wish My Parents Had Read This Book", the author said this point:
The most common cause of depression in adults, not what is happening in adults right now,
It's because they didn't get comfort from the parent-child relationship in childhood, the children didn't get understanding and comfort, and they were told not to think too much.
As a result, the child's ability to tolerate unpleasant or painful emotions will become worse and worse.
As parents, although they love their children, not everyone knows how to love them.
The most common mistake made by our generation is to educate our children with the concept of right and wrong that we have formed since childhood.
For example: happy sunshine is good, positive and enterprising is good, hard-working is good.
When a child exhibits emotions that we perceive as bad, more often the approach is either to ignore, to deny, or to blame.
Seldom listen carefully to children's inner feelings and accept their emotions, especially negative ones.
Because in our opinion, accepting negative emotions is tantamount to promoting this bad habit in children.
But the truth is that when you can accept your child's bad emotions, it will bring your child more security.
Children feel secure and better able to understand and process their emotions.
When such children grow up, they are often better able to face life's setbacks and be more able to accept life's challenges.
I myself have been learning to accept my child's emotions in the past few years, no matter what they are.
I like to talk to young people to understand what is behind their emotions and how they feel.
Although most of the time, there is nothing I can do to help young people in their predicament.
But when they are understood, they are more able to face the problems of their own lives rationally and objectively.
When their emotions are seen and accepted, they gain a new energy.
And this energy is the source of motivation for them to face difficulties in life.