Many young people are confused, why do people get married?
This is the best answer I have heard: in a long life, there must always be someone who knows each other, can discuss things, can talk when bored, and can wait for you to go home when you are late.
Some people say that this is idealization, and the marriage in reality is more of a thousand holes. Indeed it is.
If you want to have a happy marriage, you need both people to improve themselves, cultivate themselves, and perfect themselves.
"Marriage Psychology" can help us understand each other's differences, understand each other's psychology, learn to understand and respect, and understand how to face problems.
In marriage, they become sincere friends, comrades-in-arms who advance and retreat together, and intimate lovers, and spend their lives together.
Find a common goal and enhance the relationship in the realization
Albert Einstein once said that happiness comes from living with a purpose, not from others or material things.
The happier people are, the more they are able to discover new goals and then move towards them step by step.
Marriage is not about seeing only each other, but looking at a common goal together, and feeling joy and happiness in the process of achieving it.
The book writes about a husband and wife: Alan, the wife, suddenly one day, finds that she dislikes her husband more and more, and no matter what he does, she does not like it.
I used to think my husband was very handsome, but now I look at him like a greasy uncle who is dirty.
Although she didn't say anything, her husband sensed her dislike from her behavior and expression, and he also began to be cold to her.
They entered the "burnout period" of their marriage.
One day, a neighbor told Alan that she was emigrating and was going to sell her house, and asked her if she wanted to consider buying it.
Alan had always wanted to change to a bigger house, and the neighbor's house was just right for her needs and the price was right, so she wanted to buy it.
But because she didn't have enough money on hand, she asked her neighbor to give her a week.
In order to buy a house, Alan and her husband did a lot of things that had never been done before.
They are busy every day to learn about the surrounding housing prices, ask for bank loans, go through the procedures for buying a house, and move.
Two months later, they moved into their new home.
In this process, they discussed together, helped each other, and solved problems together, feeling that life was very meaningful, and had long forgotten the burnout period some time ago.
For the first time, Alan realized that couples need to have common goals.
Next, they made a new plan to travel a year later.
They pick a location, create a budget, and start saving money each month.
Whenever they see a tourist attraction on TV that they plan to visit, talk excitedly for half a day.
The common goal saved their relationship and strengthened their relationship.
Life is very long, and those couples who regard love as their spiritual pillar will find that love slowly disappears in their ordinary life.
The process of setting goals for different stages of the family and achieving them will make people motivated and experience the joy of life.
The common goal is the preservative of life, so that life has hope, so that two people work in the same direction, work together, shoulder to shoulder to create a better life.
Become friends and go long in the company and support
The philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said: Marriage is unhappy, not because of a lack of love, but because of a lack of friendship.
Think about it, how do we maintain a friendship?
Friendship requires a sense of boundaries, sincerity, respect, understanding, equality, love and courtesy.
If you lose them in marriage, you will be destroyed; Having them in your marriage will lead to long-lasting happiness.
I have a friend who has been married for 20 years, and the relationship between husband and wife is still very good, and the family is happy.
Friends are impatient, do things vigorously, and don't like the days when they see the end at a glance; Her husband is chronic, conscientious and careful, likes stability, and is content with the status quo.
She never thought of changing her husband, but respected his preferences and accepted his differences.
Her husband also appreciates her self-motivation, self-discipline and studiousness, and supports her to keep trying and tossing and turning.
She keeps the house and outside in order, and her husband calls her the backbone of the family.
Her husband works hard outside the home and buys groceries and cooks when he comes home, and she says that he is the breadwinner of the family.
They often walk hand in hand in the community, talking about work, life, children, and the future.
Even if there are disagreements and disputes, it will not affect the feelings, but only enhance understanding.
My friend has been working hard for a long time to do something, but she didn't get the result, she cried sadly, and her husband comforted her that it didn't matter, just do her best.
When her husband was not working as well as he wanted, she persuaded him not to stress too much and to support him no matter what he thought or decided.
They are like friends, they are stress-free together, relaxed and self-contained.
Friends say that in a marriage, two people will go on longer if they are friends first and then partners.
When friends are angry, they don't say the most ruthless words, and they know to keep a sense of proportion;
If there are differences between friends, they can be understanding and tolerant, know how to respect, and do not force them;
When friends get along with each other, they will maintain a sense of boundaries, do not snoop on privacy, and each has a space.
Many people think that husband and wife should be intimate and unreserved, and since they love me, they should be centered on me and be willing to change for me.
Excessive expectations will make you lose the respect and understanding you deserve, you will not be able to empathize, you will not be willing to share, and eventually you will become more and more estranged.
In marriage, in addition to love, friendship is also needed, love is fleeting, and friendship can last for a long time.
Psychological weaning, maintaining a sense of boundary with the family of origin
Writer Wang Haiyu once said: Marriage is not the union of two people, but the union of two families.
When he marries you, he marries everything about you, including your social connections, your parents.
Marriage will have pressure from the big family, how to position the small family, how to coordinate the relationship with the big family, determines the harmony and happiness of the family.
Zhu Jincao and Gu Jasmine in the TV series "Little Days" are husband and wife, and they have a lovely daughter.
The in-laws took out all their savings as a down payment and bought them a small house of more than 50 square meters.
They are usually very busy at work, and their mother-in-law helps with the children and household chores.
With the arrival of the father-in-law, three generations lived together with constant contradictions.
The mother-in-law thinks that Gu Jasmine spends money lavishly and will not live.
The father-in-law formulated the Zhu family rules, requiring Gu Jasmine not only to abide by them, but also to achieve three obedience and four virtues.
Gu Jasmine has a superior family since she was a child, and she was raised by her parents as a princess, pursuing quality of life, freedom and independence, so she naturally ignored the requirements of her in-laws.
Zhu Jincao is the only son in the family, and he grew up in his father's strength since he was a child, even if he didn't agree with his parents, he didn't dare to resist.
Between his parents and his wife, he constantly flattered each other, and as a result, he was exhausted, and family conflicts were accumulating.
Gu Jasmine and Zhu Jincao used a fake divorce to rebel against their father-in-law, but as a result, they lost trust, began to be suspicious, and their relationship was about to break down.
Zhu Jincao realized that if he wanted to keep his small family, he couldn't let his father interfere in his life at will.
His father unreasonably asked him not to do it again, and even if his father threatened him to sever the relationship between father and son, he did not compromise, and he really grew up.
Later, he remarried Gu Jasmine and lived the life he wanted, without interference.
As the writer Li Ailing said: In many marriages, on the one hand, the parents do not know how to quit, and on the other hand, the children do not know how to refuse, and the marriage of two people has become a battlefield for six people.
Whether we like to admit it or not, parents will always influence us to a greater or lesser extent in family relationships, financial management, children's education, and life planning.
After having a small family of one, in order to establish a good relationship with one's partner, one must get out of the original family and get out of the psychological dependence on parents.
Only by distinguishing the boundaries between a large family and a small family and putting the relationship between husband and wife in the first place can the marriage be harmonious and happy.
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People often think that marriage is the most reasonable and happy ending of love, but the problem is precisely that marriage may be the end of the story.
But for a long life, marriage is the beginning of a new life.
Happiness does not come with a new life on its own, it requires us to use wisdom to manage and plan.
Experience joy and happiness in the continuous achievement of goals.
Feel the companionship and love in building deep friendships.
In the process of independent maturity, learn to balance and nurture.
Marriage is not the end of love, but another milestone in life.
Continuing to infuse love, faith, patience and energy into your marriage will make your marriage win at the beginning and win the end.
Author | Purple warp is born to the sun