#头条创作挑战赛#
In the wave of the Internet, a fragment of an ordinary grandmother's daily life unexpectedly made waves.
Under the camera, she lovingly records the daily routine of preparing meals for her grandson, but touches on a profound social issue in the dialogue.
"I endured the scorching heat, didn't turn on the air conditioner, just to prepare the meal."
Grandma's words were filled with a bit of anticipation, trying to sketch a picture of selfless dedication.
Unexpectedly, Sun Tzu's answer was like a cool breeze on a summer day, direct and frank: "That's because your logic of self-sacrifice is, for me, just a senseless self-touch." ”
"Not all sacrifices can be resonated."
This comment is like a thousand weights, and it has resonated 140,000 times. It reveals a common phenomenon that "sacrifice" is diminished when it becomes an imposed burden rather than genuine understanding and support.
The scenes in the video are reminiscent of the traditional notion of "taking pain as pleasure", and they often inadvertently become hidden shackles in the parent-child relationship.
"True love should never be a burden."
This is the tacit consensus of many netizens. The contribution of the elders is precious, but if this dedication becomes a display of self-sacrifice, trying to "influence" the next generation, the result is often the opposite.
As the old wisdom goes, "It is better to teach a man to fish than to teach him to fish." ”
In the transmission of education and love, teaching children to understand and be grateful is far more meaningful than unilaterally showing sacrifice. This grandmother's story may be a reminder that balance and respect are the most stable fulcrum on the scales of love.
Therefore, before discussing "sacrifice" and "touching", we should think more about how to find a path that can effectively communicate without excessive sacrifice in the interaction of family affection.
Love should be the sunshine that promotes each other's growth, not the shackles that bind the heart.
In this story, the direct feedback from the grandson, although it seems harsh, also provides an opportunity for modern family education to reflect - love should be a space to breathe freely, not a cage of self-touching.
In a thought-provoking educational short film, "Jasmine's Last Day", the tragedy of a high-intellectual family is depicted.
Her father, a high school department chair, and her mother, a woman who gave up her postdoctoral professorship in the United States to devote herself to her family.
Jasmine, the eldest daughter in the family, has become the glory of the family with her excellent academic performance, while her younger sister Klee is slightly inferior.
Naturally, her mother pinned all her hopes on Jasmine, shaping her to almost strict standards, as if she were an extension of her dreams and future.
However, underneath the calm, there is an undercurrent.
Jasmine, the perfect girl in the eyes of everyone, chose to end her young life by jumping off a building overnight, leaving her family with endless shock and grief.
In addition to grief, the mother found it even more difficult to accept this sudden "betrayal", and did not mention the fact of suicide to the outside world, maintaining a fragile face. Jasmine's death forces the mother to turn her attention to Klee, trying to replicate Jasmine's path to success, but ignoring the unique personality and talents of each child.
Klee's poor learning results under pressure provoked her mother's frustration and anger.
She lashes out, forgetting that every soul has a different path of growth, as Emerson said, "Be yourself, because everyone else has done it." ”
Her mother's loss of control stems from her constant emphasis on self-sacrifice - giving up her career and devoting herself to her family, this "sense of sacrifice" has become a weapon of her control and expectation, but it has also inadvertently built an invisible cage.
Until the mother glimpsed the tip of the iceberg of the truth through the perspective of Jasmine. Jasmine's deep heart is a love and desire for literature, and her brushstrokes have won awards, but they have been stifled because her mother believes that "literature is useless".
Albert Einstein once said, "Everyone is a genius, but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will believe that it is a fool for the rest of its life." ”
Jasmine's talent and enthusiasm were seen as insignificant under the weight of her mother's singular values, and in the end, this depression and despair consumed her heart, and depression quietly robbed her of the light of life.
The awakening of the mother, like the belated spring in winter, she finally realized that those seemingly selfless efforts and expectations are actually the shackles that bind the child, and the real murderer is actually her hands full of love but blind control.
This is not only a wake-up call for a family, but also a profound reflection on society: in the name of education and love, are we stifling the freedom and dreams of the next generation on the grounds of "for your good"?
The film "Jasmine's Last Day", with its profound meaning, reminds every parent that understanding and respect are more important than any achievement. Allowing children to be themselves, not our replicas or unfinished dreams, is the true meaning of love.
Educator Makarenko profoundly pointed out: "Placing everything on the child, even sacrificing oneself to the edge of happiness, and letting the child bear this burden, is the most terrible gift that parents can give." ”
This statement reveals that the excessive sacrifice of parents is actually a potential threat to family harmony.
In a family, if parents often show self-sacrifice in exchange for their children's gratitude and affection, it often backfires.
Just as a Zhihu netizen shared her personal experience: her mother is keen on self-moving behavior patterns, enrolls her children in various interest classes, and declares that it is all for the child's future colorful life, but privately repeatedly emphasizes to the child the financial and energy investment, as well as the "special care" compared with other parents.
This logic of "I sacrifice everything for you, and you need to repay it with achievements" not only did not win the heartfelt love of the child, but built an emotional barrier.
The philosopher Bertrand Russell's insight in The Road to Happiness aptly dissects this phenomenon: "The true wisdom of parents does not lie in endless giving and sacrifice, because those seemingly selfless sacrifices are often wrapped in extreme selfishness towards children, they manipulate children in the name of emotion, and excessive care is nothing but the glorification of the desire for control." ”
In other words, parents use the banner of "everything for you" to kidnap their children's emotions, and in the end they can only move themselves and it is difficult to touch the children's heartstrings.
At the heart of the problem with this approach to education is that it blurs the boundaries between love and control, and ignores the autonomy of individual growth.
It reminds us that a healthy parent-child relationship should be based on mutual understanding and respect, rather than one-sided sacrifices and expecting returns.
As Gibran said, "Your children are not your children." They are the children born of life's desire for itself. They came into the world through you, but they did not come because of you, they are with you, but they do not belong to you. ”
Therefore, parents should reflect on how to find a balance between support and letting go, so that love can be the wings for their children to soar through the sky, rather than a shackle to their freedom.
The essence of education is to guide rather than shape, to stimulate potential rather than impose will, and only in this way can we cultivate a truly independent and grateful next generation.
In the delicate tapestry of family education, the thread of sacrifice and dedication is overemphasized, and the web of guilt in the child's heart is often inadvertently woven.
Papi-chan, the voice of the times, revealed his heart in an in-depth interview, revealing that the sky in his early years was shrouded in the haze of his parents' "selflessness" - a life experience that was tightly bound by a "painful" experience.
"All my efforts are for you."
"We give everything we can to hope you have a better future."
"If it weren't for you, our world would be very different."
These words, like old records played repeatedly, not only failed to touch the resonance of Papi-chan's heart, but instead cast stones called "guilt" in her heart, ripples in circles, and a silent burden.
The original intention of parents is to use their own hardships as a mirror to stimulate their children's fighting spirit to climb upwards.
However, when this "display of love" slides to the edge of emotional manipulation, it becomes an invisible shackle, allowing children to learn to conform and cater invisibly, rather than flying freely. This is an unconscious educational tragedy, and in the name of love, there is little room to breathe for understanding and respect.
"Don't let giving be a burden to your child."
These words are like a bell, reminding us that true love should not be a debt on the lips, but the warmth and strength that children feel deep in their hearts. Those seemingly well-intentioned "declarations of sacrifice" are actually as sharp as blades, silently cutting children's sensibility to happiness.
Perhaps, it's time to revisit life's priorities.
As Papi Sauce advocates: "The self should be at the top of the life sequence, followed by others, including children and parents." ”
This is not only an awakening of personal value, but also a far-reaching consideration for the healthy growth of the next generation. Only by loving yourself can we better love this world and every life that lives in this world.
Therefore, the art of education lies in teaching children to be grateful and to be worthy at the same time.
Let them understand that each person is the master of their own life and does not have to carry a burden that does not belong to them.
On the balance between loving and being loved, balance is the bridge to happiness.