62-year-old uncle: Is it necessary to continue the life of a remarried wife who wants to live the life of a husband and wife during the day and a neighbor at night?
My name is Li Jianguo, I am 62 years old, retired at home. My wife died of illness five years ago, leaving me alone. The children are all married and busy, so they have very little time to spend with me.
I am still physically strong and can take care of myself, but the loneliness in my heart is increasing day by day. The children were also worried that I would be sick at home alone, so they introduced me to my wife.
After being introduced, I met Aunt Wang. Aunt Wang is 60 years old, has been widowed for many years, and has a son and a daughter under her knees, both of whom have already started a family. We are the same age, have similar experiences, have a lot of common topics, and are very comfortable together.
Aunt Wang has a cheerful personality, is enthusiastic, and cooks good dishes, and when I am with her, it seems that I have returned to the sweet days of my youth. We go to the park together, buy vegetables and cook together, chat and walk together, and our life is plain and warm.
After half a year of dating, we both felt that each other was a suitable marriage partner, so we got married under the witness of our children.
After we got married, we moved into the old house where I used to live with my wife. Although the house is old, it carries the memories of my wife and me, and I am reluctant to sell it. Aunt Wang also expressed her understanding, saying that it doesn't matter if the house is old, as long as you live comfortably.
The newlywed life was sweet and happy, and I thought that my later life would be spent so peacefully and happily. What I didn't expect was that soon after marriage, Aunt Wang proposed to live a life of "husband and wife during the day and neighbors at night".
That night, after dinner, we were sitting on the sofa watching TV, when Aunt Wang suddenly put down the remote control in her hand and said to me with a serious expression: "Jianguo, let's talk." ”
My heart tightened, and I had a vague feeling that something was going to happen.
"Jianguo, we've been married for almost half a year, and I've always wanted to discuss things with you, but I don't know how to speak." Aunt Wang wanted to speak and stopped.
"Tell me what you want, what can't we say between us?" I shook her hand and gave her encouragement.
"To build a country, I want to ...... I guess we'd better live separately. During the day we still live as a couple, eating together, walking together, and doing chores together. But at night, I want to go back to my own house. Aunt Wang finally said what she thought.
I was stunned, thinking I had misheard. "What do you say? Why live separately? ”
"Jianguo, don't get me wrong, I'm not disgusted with you, and I don't want to divorce you. I just feel that we are getting older, our living habits have been fixed, and suddenly living together is not suitable in many ways. Aunt Wang explained.
"What's wrong with that? We can slowly run in! I said eagerly.
"Jianguo, I know that you are for my good, but there are some things that can be run in without saying that they can be run-in. For example, I sleep relatively lightly, and if you snore at night, I can't sleep at all. Also, I am used to going to bed early and waking up early, but you like to stay up late to watch TV, which affects my rest. Aunt Wang expressed her distress.
"Do you have to live separately because of these little things? I can change it! I can try not to snore and I can go to bed early. "I tried to convince her.
"Jianguo, I know you're willing to change for me, but I don't want to embarrass you either. We've become accustomed to our lifestyles, and it's really hard to change all of a sudden. And, as we get older, we should pay more attention to our feelings, right? Aunt Wang persuaded bitterly.
I was silent, Aunt Wang's words were not unreasonable. We've all been used to it for decades, and it's hard to change it completely. Moreover, I can understand that she wants to have her own space and doesn't want to be wronged by accommodating me.
"However, we are both married, how can there be a reason for husband and wife to live separately? If we spread the word, what will others think of us? "I was a little hesitant.
"We are building the country in order to live better together. Nowadays, many elderly couples choose this lifestyle, which is called 'day couple, night neighbor', not only to enjoy the company of husband and wife, but also to maintain their own independent space, isn't it good? Aunt Wang said.
Although I was still a little reluctant in my heart, I didn't want to embarrass her, so I finally compromised. "Alright, just do as you say."
In this way, we began to live a life of "husband and wife by day, neighbors by night". During the day, we lived together as usual, shopping for groceries and cooking together, chatting and walking together, participating in the activities of the University for the Elderly, and living a calm and fulfilling life.
In the evening, Aunt Wang would go back to her own house, and I would stay alone in this empty house, looking at the photos of my wife, and my heart was mixed.
I admit that this way of life does solve some of the conflicts between us, we no longer quarrel because of different living habits, and we get along more harmoniously.
However, in the dead of night, looking at the empty room and listening to the wind whistling outside the window, I feel extremely lonely and lonely. I'm starting to miss the days I used to have with my wife, and although there will be arguments, it's more about warmth and companionship.
I began to wonder, is there any meaning to such a marriage? Is there any love between us?
I told my old friend Brother Zhang about my troubles, and after listening to it, he said to me in a serious tone: "Jianguo, I can understand your feelings. However, marriage is like a pair of shoes, whether they fit or not, only you know. Aunt Wang chooses this lifestyle, maybe because of her hardships, you should understand her more and communicate more, instead of blindly complaining. ”
Brother Zhang's words made me feel empowered, and I realized that I had been only concerned about my own feelings all along, but I had ignored Aunt Wang's thoughts. I decided to talk to her.
The next day, I went to Aunt Wang and told her all my thoughts and concerns. After listening to this, Aunt Wang was silent for a long time, then took my hand and said sincerely: "Jianguo, I'm sorry, I didn't think it well and made you feel wronged." I chose this lifestyle, not because I didn't love you, but because I was afraid. I was afraid of being like my parents, who had a lot of arguments because of their different habits, and ended up breaking up. ”
It turned out that Aunt Wang's parents often quarreled because of their different living habits, which eventually led to a breakdown of their relationship and divorce. Aunt Wang has witnessed the failure of her parents' marriage since she was a child, so she is full of fear of marriage.
She chose the lifestyle of "husband and wife during the day and neighbors at night", not because she didn't love me, but because she wanted to protect the relationship and didn't want to repeat the mistakes of her parents.
I finally understood Aunt Wang's good intentions, I hugged her tightly and whispered in her ear, "Fool, how could I not love you?" I understand your concerns, let's work together and slowly overcome them, okay? ”
Aunt Wang nodded movingly, and the estrangement between us dissipated.
Since then, we have been trying to change ourselves and adapt to each other's habits. I tried to go to bed early and get up early, and got rid of the habit of staying up late watching TV; Aunt Wang also began to try to accept some of my minor shortcomings, such as the occasional snoring.
We also agreed to stay together at least two or three nights a week, watch movies together, chat together, reminisce about the past together, and look forward to the future together.
Gradually, I found that the relationship between us grew deeper and deeper, and our lives became more and more harmonious.
I finally understood that marriage is not static, but requires two people to work together and pay together to last.
"Husband and wife by day, neighbors by night" is just a way of life, the important thing is that we love each other, understand each other, and tolerate each other, and that is enough.
I believe that as long as we truly love each other and walk hand in hand, our old age will be happy!
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