"Out of half a life, I will always remember the sound of your sleeping breathing"
Leung Ka-fai mentioned the details of his relationship with his wife in an interview, which touched many people.
Leung Jiahui said that in the three years since the birth of his two daughters, he has been filming and has not asked for a day off.
At least eight hours a day, I soaked in the crew.
Sometimes when he comes back at night, he will feel very distressed when he sees his tired wife, who gets up again and again to breastfeed.
Whenever in the dead of night, his wife is tired of lying on the bed after a busy day, he will sit quietly on the edge of the bed, look at his aging wife, and watch her even breathing, he feels very steady.
For many years to come, he remembered those quiet nights.
It was those moments that sublimated his love for his wife, made him feel that his wife was so strong and so vulnerable, and that every breath of her touched his heart.
She was obviously tired, but she never blamed him, and even was always so tolerant of him.
As an old drama bone, Leung Jiahui often "exercises" in his dreams after getting the script.
Sometimes when I dream, I will shout "boot" and "card", and my wife will just ask "what's wrong", and there will be no complaints.
In the dead of night, when we are at our most vulnerable and safest, the slightest emotion for our partner is doubled.
Walking out of half a life and reminiscing about marriage, those quiet breathing sounds are actually love.
And most couples in our lives ignore the preciousness of those "breathing sounds".
We think of the bed as a place to sleep and our partner as a superfluous addition to the bed. It's not pleasing to see him during the day, and it's too much of an eyesore to see him at night.
Even, many couples have different dreams in the same bed and completely lose communication.
It can be seen that whether the marriage is good or not, you will see in bed.
How to use the "sleeping" moment to manage the relationship between husband and wife? Let's explore it today.
Whether the marriage is good or not, you will see in bed
Happiness in marriage can often be glimpsed from the interaction pattern of couples before going to bed.
We spend at least a third of our day 24 hours in bed.
The different sleeping styles not only reflect the mode of getting along with the two, but also reflect the true state of the relationship between husband and wife.
The first: one bed, two hearts.
I did a fieldwork with my friends and colleagues, and most couples have already entered the stage of sleeping in separate rooms.
Some are because of snoring, and some are because of inconsistent schedules.
Even if there is no room separation, it is basically the same bed and different dreams. The two men were lying on the bed and each playing with their mobile phones, back to back, without saying a word.
A bed is a place to sleep, and home is like a hotel.
The interaction in bed reflects the distance of the mind, and we lack communication and interaction in life, and when we lie in bed, the mind naturally has a gap.
The psychological mechanism behind this behavior is avoidant attachment, where we are afraid to face each other's true feelings and problems and choose to protect ourselves in an avoidant way.
Although this psychological defense mechanism can temporarily avoid conflict, in the long run, it will only deepen the sense of alienation and dissatisfaction with each other.
The second: a bed, zero contact.
According to one statistic, nearly 40 percent of couples have entered the stage of sexless marriage, and 20 percent of couples have been on the verge of sexlessness, and even expect their partners not to "harass" themselves at night.
Lying on the same bed every night, without any physical contact, and accidentally touching each other's hands, you have to subconsciously withdraw them.
What was once intimacy and passion has now turned into a wordless cold war, a physical confrontation, to express dissatisfaction with life.
Behind sexless marriages is a deep emotional rift between husband and wife.
Sex is an important form of expression in intimate relationships, and the lack of sex is not only physical alienation, but also emotional isolation.
Sexless marriages often reflect their failure in emotional communication, and they choose to suppress and escape rather than communicate and resolve conflicts and problems when faced with them.
This repressed emotion is exacerbated by the sexless Cold War, which eventually leads to mutual isolation and despair.
The third type: a few words, a heart.
I had a time when things weren't going well. Due to the airborne landing of the related household, the position that should have belonged to me was snatched away.
During that time, I had insomnia all night and doubted my life. Because I had to toss and turn all night, I was afraid that it would affect my husband's rest, so I consciously went to the guest room to sleep.
A few days later, he found out and came to my room one evening with a glass of red wine.
He told me how much we had, how good I was, and showed me what short-term setbacks don't mean.
Then tell me that if you still feel uncomfortable, you can cry a lot, and your emotions must be vented.
In fact, I understand all these big truths, but in the dead of night, on the shoulders that can cry, everything becomes acceptable.
Bedtime communication is an important way to rebuild and strengthen intimacy, allowing us to relax, open up, and express our emotions and needs after a busy day.
This kind of communication not only enhances mutual understanding and trust, but also shows how much we care and value each other in our marriage.
In those moments, we will understand that the partner around us is our close-knit and extremely safe family.
Why can't the present generation enjoy the "hotbed of love"?
In the dead of night, the bed should be the most intimate place between husband and wife.
Especially when you are tired and sad, you can hug the person you love, which is very healing.
However, more and more couples are feeling alienated like never before in this intimate territory.
Why is it that the current generation is increasingly unable to love each other well in bed?
When the consumption during the day cannot be "recharged" at night, the bed is not a hotbed, but an ice bed.
Friends Zhang Lei and Xiao Shu have been married for five years and have a two-year-old child.
During the day, Zhang Lei was very busy in the IT company, working overtime until late at night every day, and he was exhausted when he returned home.
Although Xiao Shu is a teacher, she is also physically and mentally exhausted to take care of children and handle household chores.
The busyness of the day has exhausted most of their patience and energy, and the night becomes their only time to relax.
But it may be that a certain courageous confession and disclosure is what you get from the other party's same tired complaints and the same emotional value needs, so the door of the heart that wants to be further opened is slammed shut.
It's not as good as the short video on the mobile phone, the sad music in the headphones, and the peace and stability of his appearance between the husband and wife.
But the emotions that need to be seen in the heart are not really digested, and behind the short-term escape is a deeper loneliness and alienation.
Second, once it is psychologically difficult to communicate, it will gradually become estranged and physically repulsed.
There is a small detail in the TV series "The Story of Rose", Fang Xiewen has always wanted Rose to have another son, and Rose's dissatisfaction with life has begun to appear.
She began to avoid every night, sometimes hiding in her study, sometimes simply refusing outright.
The body is the most honest, and her dissatisfaction with Fang Xiewen is written on the body.
Is there no need for roses? Of course not, she just shrunk into her case.
When the other party no longer wants to see their emotions and listen to their own hearts, there is no spiritual communication, and the body is naturally estranged.
People who really have souls are sexualized because of love.
Sex is just a deeper communication between two people.
When the communication of love no longer exists, everyone is more willing to choose to sleep back to back, and holding hands and hugging will become less and less.
And if you stay in such a state for a long time, the husband and wife will also form a kind of superficial peace, the best result is a sexless marriage, and the worst result is cheating.
So, the core issue is that we need to learn to really live in an intimate relationship:
The communication of emotions, the integration of bodies, and the mutual seeing and understanding of each other day after day are all indispensable.
Loving well in bed is a shortcut to marriage
The quality of the interaction in bed is directly related to the emotional connection between husband and wife.
Through some simple and effective methods, we can strengthen our feelings for each other and regain that long-lost warmth and intimacy during the precious time before bedtime.
Here are three practical ways to help couples rebuild intimacy in bed.
First, lie down together and talk
Bedtime chatting is an important way to strengthen your relationship, and each night, set aside 10 to 15 minutes to share your experiences and feelings about the day.
Whether the other person says it or not, we have to try to express it.
We express ourselves, not so that the other person "obeys", but so that the other person "hears".
Happiness in marriage depends not only on the promise of love, but also on the delicate interactions of daily life.
Every simple hug, every gentle word, is a bridge to maintain emotions.
Second, rebuild body connections
Physical contact is an important way to express love and intimacy, and it is possible to have some intimate physical contact before bedtime, such as hugging, holding hands, or gently touching each other.
There is a joke on the Internet: middle-aged couples hold hands, and nightmares have to stay overnight.
This just shows that middle-aged couples have not had a physical connection for too long, and they are already unfamiliar with each other's bodies.
Even the simplest hugs and holding hands can make people feel warmth and love, helping couples reconnect physically and increase emotional intimacy.
Third, use some small props to increase the fun of the little ones
Of course, these small props are not "sex props", but some small items that can increase the distance between each other, such as aromatherapy, atmosphere lights and the like.
I have a friend who is always touched by the interaction between her mom and dad.
Mom and Dad have been in separate rooms for years because of snoring, but they go back to sleep together at four or five o'clock every morning.
When I get up in the morning, I will chat again, talk about the trivial things in the village, and talk about the battle situation of playing mahjong yesterday.
Some time ago, she went home and found that there was an extra voice-activated light at home, and her mother said "Xiao Ai turned on the light", and when she turned it on, her father quickly said "Xiao Ai turned off the light", and the light was turned off, and so on, they could play for a long time.
When two people are laughing in bed, what else can't be communicated?
Marriage is a long, long journey, and there are many shortcuts on this road.
When we get to know our partner better, when we communicate better, when we are able to use the night time and double down on emotions, these are all shortcuts.
Let us cherish every moment of togetherness, and let love shine the warmest light in every ordinary night.
I wish you all the best in love and a truly happy life.