In her 48 years of life, she flew freely, and once fell into the swamp of love. In the early morning of January 4, 1991, Sanmao hanged himself in the hospital bathroom, and the tragedy shocked the three places on both sides of the Taiwan Strait. Just a few days ago, she had called her friends, but she didn't expect to make such a desperate choice. Why is Sanmao so desperate, it's incredible? Did she talk about the cause of her suicide? Are there any last words left unspoken?
Sanmao's tragic life
Sanmao, formerly known as Chen Maoping, was born in 1943 and is a famous Taiwanese female writer. Growing up in poverty, coupled with being bullied at school, her childhood was full of shadows. When she was in elementary school, Sanmao was treated badly, and the teacher painted her as a "big flower face" to show the public, giving her unspeakable humiliation. This traumatized Sanmao's heart, and she began to close herself off and spend a long time locked in her room alone.
Although Sanmao later made small achievements in literary creation, his fate was still miserable. Her two romances fell apart, her first love broke with her, and her fiancé died suddenly in her arms on the eve of their wedding. The huge blow almost crushed Sanmao, and she tried to commit suicide twice, but fortunately was rescued in time.
In 1973, Sanmao went to live in the Sahara Desert and met Jose, a Spanish guy. The two fell in love and became partners, and spent the happiest years of Sanmao's life. They live a self-sufficient life in the desert and enjoy themselves despite the harsh conditions. Unfortunately, in 1979, Jose died unexpectedly while going to sea to fish, and Sanmao fell into the abyss of despair again.
Two marriages ended without a problem
Sanmao has had two marriages in his life, but both ended in tragedy. The first marriage began in 1970, when Sanmao was teaching at the Chinese Culture University, fell in love with a German professor and was about to get married. Unfortunately, the night before the wedding, the fiancé died of a heart attack, and the marriage failed to work out as scheduled. Sanmao was so grief-stricken that he attempted suicide by swallowing an overdose of drugs.
A few years later, Sanmao reunited with her old acquaintance Jose in Spain. After years of separation, the two eventually married in 1974 and moved to a small town called Laayoune in the Sahara Desert. The couple started a new life in that barren land, and despite the scarcity and hardships of survival, they still experienced unparalleled freedom and romance in the desert.
Sanmao weaved bits and pieces with Jose into a book, which was published and distributed with great success. However, in the middle of the night in 1979, José was accidentally killed while fishing, and the bad news was thunderous. After experiencing the bizarre nature of his previous marriage, Sanmao has now suffered the most significant blow in his life again, and he almost had a nervous breakdown. She began to wander around the cemetery, crying in front of José's grave all day and night, trying to "recall" her lover's soul.
In this way, Sanmao's two marriages came to an abrupt end in a thought, and they were destined not to reach the point of growing old together. For the reason, Sanmao himself is puzzled. At one point, she tried to kill herself to escape the distractions of this world, but in the end she was retained. However, the wounds in his heart became more and more difficult to heal, and he finally made the last fight for his life in the early morning of 1991.
missed a good relationship with the "Western Singer".
In addition to two marriages that ended without a problem, Sanmao also passed by a famous musician and failed to spend the rest of his life together. This musician is Wang Luobin, who is known as the "King of Western Singers". In 1977, two years after the death of his late spouse Jose, Sanmao, who was on the verge of mental collapse, met Wang Luobin in Taiwan.
At that time, Wang Luobin was already a smash hit pop music superstar, and his songs were all over the Taiwan Strait. Sanmao admired the singer's talent very much, and the two soon talked happily and gradually developed a good impression. Under the mediation of friends, the two had a short-lived relationship.
However, there is a clear age gap and life experience gap between the two. Wang Luobin was imprisoned in the mainland in his early years, but eventually regained his life with music; Sanmao, on the other hand, grew up in a poor family, wandered all his life, and his spiritual world was once on the verge of collapse. The two had different upbringings, and it was difficult to understand each other.
In addition, Wang Luobin's career is in full swing, and his investment in feelings is obviously insufficient. And Sanmao's dedication to love was too stubborn, and the two parties eventually parted ways. Some details may confirm the estrangement between the two: it is reported that Wang Luobin once forgot to send blessings on Sanmao's birthday, which made Sanmao sad and cry; Another time, Sanmao wrote a letter to visit Wang Luobin in prison, but only received a cold reply from the other party.
The end of this relationship undoubtedly hit Sanmao's self-esteem again. She thought she had met a new true love, but she stepped into the familiar road of heartache. Perhaps this missed fate deepened Sanmao's despair of life and thirst for love, which gave birth to the unbearable ending later.
Ideas are becoming more and more extreme
After missing the "Western Singer" Wang Luobin, Sanmao's mental state continued to deteriorate, and he began to have some extreme thoughts and behaviors. She has repeatedly expressed suicidal tendencies in public, and her desire for life seems to be running out.
According to Sanmao's friends, as early as 1972, Sanmao had an experience of suicide attempt. At that time, she took a large amount of sleeping pills, and was found and rescued in time. This is a direct reflection of the mental devastation that Sanmao suffered after her first marriage collapsed.
A few years later, when Sanmao and Jose were living in the Sahara Desert, she had committed suicide again. One day, while Jose was working outside, Sanmao was left alone at home. Seeing that there was only endless yellow sand around her, she suddenly had an impulse to step into this vast desert to "escape" to nature. Fortunately, Jose rushed back in time, otherwise the consequences would have been unimaginable.
In 1979, Jose was killed. Sanmao was so grief-stricken that he began to wander around the cemetery, lying in front of Jose's grave all day and night, crying and crying, trying to "recall" his lover's soul in this way. Seeing that Sanmao's spirit was getting more and more trance-like, relatives and friends had to ask people to take care of her 24 hours a day, for fear that she would hurt herself.
What's even more worrying is that at Jose's grave, Sanmao once said to relatives and friends: "If I die in the Sahara, I will be buried here." This is clearly a self-defeating statement. Since then, the shadow of suicide has enveloped Sanmao's inner world and become a nightmare that she can't get rid of.
The mystery of that bizarre cause of death
At about 3 a.m. on January 4, 1991, Sanmao hanged himself in the bathroom of Taipei Municipal United Hospital at the age of 48. She chose to hang herself with a pair of childhood favorite stockings, her legs curled up, her hands folded, her body half-hanging from the toilet, and her death was very strange.
Just a few days before Sanmao's suicide, she also called to talk to a friend, and she didn't show anything unusual at that time. Therefore, it is really incomprehensible that Sanmao suddenly chose to end his life like this in the hospital bathroom. What's even more puzzling is that Sanmao didn't leave any suicide note and will, and didn't say a word about the reason for the suicide.
Interestingly, the details of the suicide scene are also quite strange. Sanmao was found half-overhanging from the toilet, with his legs curled up and his hands folded, a movement that clearly required considerable strength and concentration. However, even if she has a trace of confusion or longing during the hanging process, she can easily grab the handrail of the toilet next to her to save herself. However, Sanmao did not.
Moreover, the day before Sanmao committed suicide, she also booked a ticket back to the Sahara for herself, and told her friends, "When Jose is buried, I will leave for the Sahara immediately." These words show that Sanmao's psychological state at that time should be positive and regain vitality.
All signs point to the fact that Sanmao's suicide was a whim and resolute. But the reasons that prompted her to make this decision are unknown. Before and after Sanmao's suicide, he never mentioned any trace to his relatives and friends, nor did he leave any testamentary letters. The whole suicide process was like a temporary outbreak of farce, which came for no reason and came to an abrupt end.
Sanmao's death has brought great shock and sorrow to readers on both sides of the Taiwan Strait. Many years later, when some media asked about the cause of Sanmao's death, some people claimed that they had seen Sanmao's suicide note, but the whereabouts of the suicide note are still a mystery. Did Sanmao ever confide in the final secret of her life in her suicide note? All this can only be left to the eternal suspicion of future generations.