Ruoyu became a father when he was 27 years old. Met me at the age of 35. Divorced at the age of 37. I met him in Pingshui, and I was the kind of friend who was drowned in WeChat friends.
Not long ago, he celebrated his 38th birthday. Later, he told me that on the night of his birthday, he was hanging out with a strange woman for two hours.
Not long ago, on a cold night, we got together with other friends and drank a lot of wine. When the game was over, he was clearly drunk. When I got out of the restaurant, he put his arm around my shoulders and said, "I became a father at the age of 27, and what I gained was not love, but a prison." ”
I looked at him, and I was overwhelmed for a moment in the face of this aphorism-like sentence.
He said: "In the second half of my life, I chose to be lonely and grow old. ”
After a brief chat that night, we disappeared into each other's lives again. But I was haunted by what he said when he was drunk.
I also became a father when I was 27 years old and am now a father of two. After a few nights of torment, I wrote this article.
There are more and more people around who are not married and have children. There are post-80s people of the same age, there are post-70s generations older than me, and I have also seen post-60s who are lonely and old. I respect everyone's choice, but I can't understand what they think. For me, once in the world, if I don't have a father, how can my life be considered complete?
My eldest Guoguo is now 10 years old. I had a great time with him. Many times, I want to record unforgettable moments between us, and even I have written several pages. But it was interrupted for various reasons.
This time, I finally made up my mind that I couldn't wait any longer, I was afraid that one day, those memories of the past would disappear from my mind, and this disappearance was instantaneous, just like I found myself growing old in an instant. So, I decided I wanted to write it down. Even if it's slow and the writing is bad, I'm going to stick to it.
Guoguo was born on January 22, 2014. On March 1, I wrote this in my diary:
The baby was born on the morning of January 22.
In fact, I never thought about how to be a dad. I never thought about what I would be like when I became a dad. I didn't think about what kind of father qualifies.
Before Guoguo was born, I had an inexplicable sense of fear for a while. I asked myself: Are you ready? You haven't practiced yet, and no one has taught you, this is a long "naked exam", are you really ready?
I can't find the answer. I can only avoid him and not think about him.
Some nights, some sunny mornings, some evenings when I stood alone on the top of a hill in my hometown, I carefully thought about how I behaved as a father, and I strongly quieted myself and looked at the future. However, in these uncertain times, I am so small that I don't even have a future.
Every time I read this short diary, I can feel the hesitation and confusion at that time. I can't tell if this emotion is good or bad, but it keeps me on guard against myself and lets me know that being a dad is sacred, not to be taken lightly, and must be taken seriously.
The birth of Guoguo is very accidental.
Wednesday, January 22, was an ordinary day. My wife has a prenatal check-up once a week, and this day happens to be the time for the prenatal check-up. Since there was still some time before the due date, her mother accompanied her to the hospital while I went to work as normal.
At that time, I worked in the county seat, and we both lived in the county seat.
At about 9 o'clock in the morning, I received a call from my wife's sister, saying that my wife was about to give birth and asked me to rush to the hospital. I think it's so sudden, isn't it not time yet?
I rushed to the hospital, and my wife was already in the operating room.
I don't understand what the hell is going on. My wife's sister and my wife's mother are at the door of the operating room. I asked them, and they said a lot, but I didn't understand much, I just knew that it was a cesarean section.
About an hour later, a nurse came out and said, "The family is here, it's a boy." Hold it! ”
I hurriedly asked the adult about the situation, but she didn't look back, only said the word "wait" and left.
I took one look at the baby and thought he was "so ugly". But it's nice to see that he's healthy.
My mother-in-law went back to the ward with the child in her arms, and my wife and sister and I continued to wait at the door of the operating room. About an hour later, the wife was pushed out. She was weak and pale, as if she had undergone a life-and-death test.
Because my wife's weight control during pregnancy was not very good, she gained too much weight and had too much belly fat, which made the wound heal more slowly. I was in the hospital for 10 days before I was discharged. After being discharged from the hospital, it took another seven or eight days before he could move freely.
In the days that followed, I was amazed to see someone get out of bed and walk around the day they had a baby.
Because my wife spent too much time in bed, she did not breastfeed in time, resulting in no milk after being discharged from the hospital. The child can only eat milk powder.
Feeding your baby on the first day was a disaster.
At that time, I was too young to understand that everything in life has a method, and the problems in life can be solved.
At night, I was alone in the hospital guarding my wife and children. When I was breastfeeding my baby, I was always in a hurry, I didn't know the proportion, I didn't know the dose, I didn't know the time to feed. The child is always crying because he is hungry, but I don't know. I thought he was sick. Hurriedly hugged it and went to the nurse. The nurse put her finger to the child's mouth, and the child began to suck on her fingers.
The nurse turned to look at me, smiled and said, "He's hungry, let's feed!" ”
I hurried to feed.
I don't know how much to feed, and I'm always worried that he's eating too much.
As a result, in less than an hour, the child cried again. I went to the nurse again. The nurse was very irritated and said, "He's hungry, you feed more." ”
I hurried to feed again.
Two hours later, he cried again. I breastfed him again. But he doesn't eat. I was in a hurry and went to the nurse again. The nurse opened the swaddling clothes and said, "He's pooping." Wipe it clean and stop crying. ”
I hurried to deal with it. After processing the child's stool, it was found that the swaddling clothes could not be wrapped. I put the baby in the crib and tried several times but didn't get the swaddling clothes properly wrapped. The child began to cry again, and his hands were clutching his feet. I really had no choice but to go to the nurse again. The nurse is impatient. She said angrily, "Didn't you study on your own before you came to the hospital?" I'll teach you again. Don't come to me in the future. ”
I knew she was busy, I knew she was tired, but seeing her attitude, I felt a strong disgust in my heart. I watched her wrap it once, and then I still wouldn't. Even when wrapped, it looks baggy.
After three days, I mastered the art of breastfeeding, knew the timing and dosage of feeding, and was barely able to tie up the swaddling clothes.
When the second child Orange was born in 2020, the above problems were solved. Because I have grown up, I have matured, I know that there are steps, methods, and measures to do everything, I no longer panic, I know that I can't learn things first, to understand first. I will deal with all the problems in my life with ease. I know that nothing is unsolvable.
When you give birth to an orange, you also have a cesarean section. I took Guoguo at the door of the operating room, although worried, but not anxious, I recorded the child's first day's food and clothing in detail in a notebook, according to the book, it will not be wrong.
A man who has experienced enough things will mature;
A man has experienced enough setbacks to be able to do things with ease;
A man, knowing how to learn, will truly understand that there are no problems in life. If there is, it's because you haven't studied deeply enough.
Before his wife was discharged from the hospital, Guoguo suffered from jaundice. I was prescribed medicine to feed, but it didn't work well. The doctor said that he had to be hospitalized to take a blue light. At that time, my mind was a mess, and I couldn't think of a better way, so I had to be hospitalized according to the doctor's instructions. Adults are not allowed to visit your baby while he is in the hospital. At that time, I was very worried, and all kinds of bad thoughts popped up in my head, which was very worrying.
The child was in the Blu-ray room for a total of three days. The day I was held, I was so excited, even more excited than when he was born. Because I know that none of the bad thoughts in my head will come true.
My mother-in-law's family lives in the township. After the wife and children were discharged from the hospital, according to the old man's wishes, we did not live in the county seat, but went back to the township.
It is also convenient in all aspects of the township, and it is more convenient than in the county seat. There are no difficulties in life. However, the first month of Guoguo was particularly naughty. Every time I eat, I fall asleep halfway through eating, and I have to eat again when I wake up after a while. Toss four or five times during the night. I was always woken up at night by the sound of my child's crying, and when he cried, I had to make milk powder and feed it. During that time, Guoguo's cries always echoed in his head, and he was seriously sleep-deprived.
My wife's wounds have not healed for a long time. A week after I was discharged from the hospital, I went to the hospital again to see a doctor. The doctor treated the wound again. When he came back, in order not to suppurate the wound, he made a baking lamp and baked the wound twice a day. After a week, the wound is considered to be completely healed. But the wound is uneven, and the scar is particularly noticeable.
Later, I reviewed the whole process, but the operation was not done well. At that time, my wife and family were too anxious. At that time, we planned to go to a tertiary hospital in Kunming to be a student. I just went for a prenatal checkup that day. After reading the situation, the doctor at the county hospital said that it was recommended to be hospitalized and that she could give birth. And it cannot be delivered naturally, it must be delivered by cesarean section. The main thing is that they all agreed. During the hospitalization, it was discovered that almost all of the entire obstetrics and gynecology department were cesarean sections. Maybe if you go to a tertiary hospital, you can give birth smoothly, and your wife doesn't have to be knifed.
When I was giving birth to Chengcheng, I insisted on going to Kunming Grade III Hospital to give birth. This time it was also a cesarean section, but it went well. The wound was much smaller than the first time, and the stitches were smooth. On the third day after the operation, you can start breastfeeding your child.
In 2014, I turned 27 and welcomed the most important person in my life, my first son. From the moment he was born, I was always by his side: growing up with him and having fun with him. When he was growing up, I had become accustomed to his crying, and hearing him cry made me no longer irritable, but very steady. Now that he's 10 years old, I'm very pleased.
When people come to the world, how can they not be a father? You grow up with him, and he grows old with you. This is the kind of life that is complete.
My wife and I occasionally talk about raising children, and she can't help but calculate the financial accounts and finally come to the conclusion that raising children is really not cost-effective. My friend would say the same thing. Such statements can also be seen on the Internet.
However, I do not agree with this reckoning. Raising children, the emotional value is greater than the economic value. Moreover, the emotional value that children bring to them will last a lifetime and is priceless. Compared with the emotional value, the little money paid is simply not worth mentioning.
Life is an ongoing process, and happiness is all about personal experience, which is enhanced by the child.
Guoguo is 10 years old. For the past 10 years, I have been wondering, what does it mean to be a good father? Once I tried to find a standard answer, but now I know that there is no standard answer to this question. Everyone can only be himself, and this is the root of the differences between people.
In the past 10 years, I have been happy. My two children are also happy. Now, I don't hesitate anymore, I don't struggle anymore. In the next 10 years, I will strive to make happiness continue.
At this point, it seems that it is time for the article to end. Well, let's end like this:
I became a father at the age of 27 and reaped a happy prison.
If the rest of my life is as short as a dream, I will hold the children's hands steadfastly.