The college entrance examination and the high school entrance examination have ended one after another. Congratulations, students who have worked hard, you can finally breathe a sigh of relief.
Many people have asked me what advice I would give to these students who are about to graduate and enter the workforce.
In fact, this year, there is also a special meaning for our family: my son Xiaomi, who officially graduated from junior high school, is about to start his high school life.
Five years ago, when Xiaomi was 11 years old, I took him to a Gobi trekking. After that, I wrote to him: I wish you to have this "three hearts and two strengths".
In it, I mentioned the 5 words that I think an adult should understand most thoroughly. I said it was written for Xiaomi, but in fact, it was also written for myself.
Last week, after attending his graduation ceremony, I took out these 5 words and shared them with him again. I can't help but want to send this "three hearts and two forces" to all readers of the official account, especially the children who graduated this year.
Maybe it will inspire you, too.
Curiosity: the way of dealing with the world
The first heart of "three hearts and two forces" is curiosity.
Curiosity is how you deal with the world.
When we came to this world, we were all ignorant at first, and we would only cry "wow".
Why did different people turn upside down in terms of knowledge, vision, and learning in the following decades?
Some people say it's because of learning. The answer is correct, learning is the source of knowledge.
But why is it that today, when compulsory education has long been popularized, and when all kinds of free learning resources are readily available, the gap between people in learning outcomes seems to not only not narrow, but rather wider?
It's because of curiosity.
Curiosity is the fundamental driving force for learning and the "first driving force" for exploring the world.
What is Curiosity?
When you buy a box of cookies in the supermarket, do you wonder what attracted you to buy this one and not that? Is it the packaging? Is it its taste? Or is it the brand itself?
When you're walking down the street and you get a poster stuffed by someone, do you wonder why this poster is designed like this? What is the purpose of its propaganda? Is there anything that could be improved?
When you take your children to an amusement park, will you wonder whether the users of the amusement park are children or parents? Why is the amusement park project designed this way? Why is the circulation designed this way?
You see, for people who don't have curiosity, learning can only be done in school, in textbooks. And for the curious, life is full of business schools.
In fact, when we were young, every child was full of curiosity about the world.
Why is the sky blue? Why is grass green? Why can a ship go to sea? Why do airplanes fly into the sky? The nature of children, let us keep exploring this why? Why?
Even, it is to ask the impatience of adults, and use "you will know when you grow up" to prevaricate us.
But what about when we really grow up? Many people gradually stop asking questions, and they lose the curiosity they had when they were children.
Once you lose your curiosity, your window of communication with the world will be blocked. You will no longer want to know anything new, new things.
Such people will especially like to say one word: no.
They'll say, isn't that what it is, isn't that what it is? Their subtext is: I already knew what you were going to say, don't tell me that, I'm not interested.
How would such a person make you feel? Do you feel like there's a word that comes out of nowhere?
That's right: daddy.
People who don't have curiosity will look daddy.
A sign of aging is a loss of curiosity about the world.
Curious people, 80 years old is still young. People who have lost their curiosity begin to grow old at the age of 20.
Empathy: The way you deal with others
The second heart of "three hearts and two forces" is empathy.
Empathy is the way you deal with others.
What is empathy? I'll start with a story. This story comes from my old colleague Kai-Fu Lee, a former global vice president at Microsoft.
Once, Kai-Fu Lee was in the company corridor and met Steve Ballmer, then president of Microsoft. As a result, Ballmer opened his mouth and said to him: Kaifu, we haven't seen each other for 11 months, it's time to find a time to talk.
Kai-Fu Lee was very shocked at the time, even he forgot how long he hadn't seen Ballmer, nearly 100 vice presidents of Microsoft, how could he remember how long he hadn't seen him?
Later, he learned that Ballmer asked his assistant to organize the resumes and dynamics of more than 600 executives within Microsoft into a big thick book, and he had to take time out of his time every day before going to bed to read it repeatedly.
Why? It's to make sure that when you meet anyone, you can talk about it right away. He can tell the school the other party graduated from, the time he joined Microsoft, and the situation of his previous company.
Come to think of it, this approach can often surprise the other party. "Ballmer is such a busy person, how do you remember which school I graduated from?". not only let the other party intuitively feel their intentions, but also help the other party dispel the tension when meeting the "big boss".
You see, what Ballmer has is a rare kind of "empathy".
There is a saying in English that expresses this meaning very accurately, called stand in one's shoes. Stand in someone else's shoes.
Empathy is empathy, knowing what the other person thinks and what the other person is worried about.
I often say that empathy is the underlying ability of a thousand abilities.
Whether you're writing articles or giving speeches. Or design the product, manage the team. As long as your work involves "dealing with others", whether you have the "empathy" of empathy, whether you can stand in the other person's perspective and think about the difficulties encountered by the other party will directly affect your success or failure.
Just to take a small example, after the college entrance examination, the next step is for students, whether it is an internship, further education, or looking for a job, "writing a resume" is essential.
Some students will be very excited, thinking that such a good opportunity, I need to show myself. So I wrote a large part of my experience, almost starting from the little red flower in kindergarten, and sprinkled tens of thousands of words. Combined with various award-winning materials, it is integrated into a large zip file of several hundred MB.
After sending the email, I will be very happy and feel that I am talented.
Some students will refine and list their main points, and try to compress the entire resume into one page.
Even if you have to put an attachment, they will say in the body: My resume is in the attachment. But in order to save the time of both parties, I have listed the main points in the text, please take a look.
Why? Because he can imagine that the interviewer is faced with hundreds of resumes every day, and the time that can be allocated to each resume is likely to be only a few tens of seconds.
In doing so, it is not only a manifestation of professionalism, but also a manifestation of empathy.
Normality: The way you deal with yourself
The third heart of "three hearts and two forces" is the ordinary heart.
Normalcy is the way you deal with yourself.
What is a normal mind? It's about being able to calmly accept what you have.
I gave out a bonus this month, and if I want to go out for a good meal, then go and eat, treat myself, and don't get entangled.
The income is not high for the time being, so go home and make two small stir-fry with your family, drink a pot of wine, and do not have internal friction.
What is the word to describe this state? That's right, I think it's "happiness".
The essence of happiness is a normal mind.
And the biggest enemy of happiness is not money or time, but desire.
What is Desire?
When you earn 1,000 yuan a month, you think: if I can earn 10,000 yuan a month in this life, I must be the happiest person in the world.
When you earn 10,000 yuan, you think: if I can earn 100,000 yuan a month, I will buy the best car and stop crowding the subway every day.
When you really earn 100,000 yuan, you will think, if I can earn 1 million a month, I must have my own private jet, I am really fed up with waiting for so many hours to waste so much time.
You will find that this person, he will not be happy at any time. Even if he earns 10 million a month, he will still not be happy, because he will continue to have a desire of 100 million in his heart.
Desires will never be satisfied, and people will never be happy.
What to do? Have a "normal heart".
Sitting in first class, there is the happiness of sitting in first class, and you can have a good rest. Squeeze the subway, there is also the happiness of squeezing the subway, you can observe the various states of sentient beings.
With a designer bag on your back, you won't feel like you're on top of it. With a regular canvas bag on your back, you won't feel inferior either.
People with a normal heart can get happiness from all the details of life, and will not fall into the infinite pursuit of desires.
Not only can you eat the full banquet of the Manchu and Han, but you can also squat on the side of the road and eat instant noodles. You can sleep in a five-star hotel or a tent in the desert.
The upper can sit with the king, and the lower can walk with the beggar.
This state is called true "happiness".
Self-motivation: the thrust of life
The first force of "three hearts and two forces" is self-motivation.
Self-motivation is the thrust of life.
In school, most people are "other-driven". There are teachers staring, class committee members staring, and parents staring.
But what about entering the workforce after graduation?
Will your boss urge you to say that you can become a marketing expert by giving it a try and practicing this skill. Don't give up, I've been drinking this bowl of chicken soup for 20 years, it's really useful, you believe me once, taste it, just taste this one.
Will it be so? No, it won't.
Because, this is the world of adults. People who always need to be motivated by others are "minors" in society.
In middle school, one of the most common things a teacher says is, "You think I want to take care of you?" When you go to college, you can't find anyone to take care of it. ”
Is what the teacher said true? It's true.
When you go to college, no one really cares about you. You can spend four years lying in your dorm room playing games if you want. No classes, no labs, no internships. Just spent four years happily.
But you will find that there is always a group of people who don't need external incentives, they will motivate themselves. They will ask themselves what time to wake up, what time to exercise, what time to study, what time to go to bed.
For a semester or two, you may not see the gap. But after 5, 10, or 20 years, the gap in life has widened.
What is Self-Motivation?
It's that when you do things, you have a push to move forward. You will have a sense of mission and feel that I have to do it, I have to do it, I have to do it, I have to do it anyway.
In layman's terms, it is "bring your own chicken blood". Excellent people are people who "bring their own chicken blood".
Willpower: The pull of life
The second force of "three hearts and two forces" is willpower.
If self-motivation is the "push" of life, then willpower is the "pull" of life.
Self-propulsive, like an off-road vehicle with a full throttle, plunged headlong into the endless desert. And in the process, you will inevitably encounter bunkers, difficulties, obstacles, and setbacks.
An off-road vehicle stuck in a bunker, no matter how hard you press the accelerator, the tires will just spin in place. And willpower is what pulls you out of the bunker.
What should I do if I want to study for graduate school, but I can't calm down? Self-drive.
What should I do if studying is too boring? Willpower.
Five years ago, I took Xiaomi to the Gobi for trekking, 4 days, 88 kilometers, deserted.
Many people are against it, but I hope to use Gobi to help me hone this willpower with him. Because it is only in extreme difficulties that willpower is stimulated.
Self-drive can make you go faster, but willpower can make you go farther.
Every year when it's graduation season, there are always a lot of people who ask me for a lot of specific advice.
For example, what major to choose? Do you want to go to graduate school? Go to a big factory or a startup?
Do these questions matter? I'll admit that it's important, but I have to say that when you look at it and look at it to the perspective of the whole life. These choices don't fundamentally change the trajectory of your life.
Why are many people obsessed with finding an answer to these questions?
Perhaps it is because of years of school life that we are accustomed to a kind of "test thinking", the essence of which is called: everything has a standard answer.
But what about the real world? It's not what it looks like.
So we will see that every year there are many "good students" who complain like this:
What's going on? Aren't parents and teachers telling me that? "You just have to study hard, you don't have to worry about anything else."
Didn't you say yes at the beginning? Whoever studies hard, gets admitted to a good university, and studies for a master's degree or doctorate, will be able to find a good job and live a happy life in the future.
What's going on? You adults, why don't all your words count? How is it that as soon as you graduate, all the rules have changed?
Why is this happening?
The answer is that what really determines the trajectory of your life is your pattern and your attitude towards life.
Ordinary people cultivate skills, master cultivation attitudes, and top masters cultivate world views.
curiosity, the way of dealing with the world; empathy, the way you deal with others; Ordinary heart, the way of dealing with oneself;
Self-drive, the thrust of life; willpower, the pull of life;
This "three hearts and two forces" is a person's world view, and almost all aspects of your conduct and behavior have them behind them, imperceptibly affecting everything.
Eventually, they will become the key to how far a person can go.
I sincerely wish you, and all the graduates, that they can become the people they want to be.
*Personal opinion, for reference only.
Viewpoint / Liu Run Writer / Ge Ping Editor / Er Man Layout / Huang Jing
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