Do you have such young people around you?
Don't stay up late and don't play games, go to bed early and get up early every day, soak your feet at night, massage, and do sports;
Cook breakfast and lunch by yourself every day, prepare fruits and milk, and bring them to the company together;
I don't sleep lazily on weekends, I get up early to go to the park to play Baduanjin, and then go to climb a mountain in the afternoon;
Don't buy coffee and milk tea when you go out, and bring thermos cups, handkerchiefs, and environmental protection bags with you;
I like to save all kinds of bags, cartons, bottles and cans, and take them for recycling regularly;
Never buy a new one when you don't run out of things, and wear a piece of clothing for five or six years......
This group of young people is known as the "spiritual elderly".
On Douban, there is even a life group of more than 20,000 people - young people who are mentally elderly come to enjoy the coolness.
Young people share their "longevity secrets" here, such as "Vajra Gong practice experience" and "volunteering in the temple";
Drying his newly bought shoes for the elderly, making a tea banquet......
In the eyes of others, they may be "outliers" among young people, as stated in the group profile:
The so-called mentally elderly refers to the elderly who have a young person's skin, hobbies, pastimes, and living habits.
Older people think we're young, and our peers think we're twilight.
But they enjoy it and enjoy the time of "growing old early", and even think:
"Living like an old man gives me a tremendous sense of security."
This piqued my curiosity -
In the past, young people were disdainful of the lives of the elderly, and looked down on the style of the elderly who "picked" and "cherished their lives".
Now, why are these young people starting to live the same life as the elderly, and even feel happier?
I interviewed three "spiritual elders" in my circle of friends and came up with some particularly interesting conclusions.
Three years ago, Koala experienced a low point in her life - she lost her job, her boyfriend ran away, and her parents divorced.
Koalas, who have an explosive mentality, lock themselves in a rental house for a month, unkempt every day, and indulge in playing games.
Because of anxiety, she has to drink two cups of milk tea every day and eat a lot of snacks and high-calorie takeaways.
The consequence of this is that he weighs 10 pounds.
When the koala got on the scale, he thought it was broken.
"After getting fat, I became more anxious.
I often suffer from insomnia, and my mental state is very poor.
I felt that I couldn't go on like this, so I looked for ways to lose weight online.
But those methods were too extreme to stick. ”
By chance, Koala heard that playing Baduanjin can improve sleep quality and lose weight, so he joined a "Baduanjin Early Punch Group".
The group stipulates that you should check in at 6:30 in the morning, and if you don't do it more than three times, you will leave the group.
"At the time, I thought it was very strange and fun, and I didn't have much to do, so I just practiced and tried it."
To Koala's surprise, after only a few days of training, she felt that her tense nerves "relaxed".
"There is a big difference in the age group of our group, there are little sisters born in the 00s, and there are also uncles and aunts in their sixties and seventies, but the atmosphere is very good.
There is a girl who says that she has anxiety and demands perfection in everything.
An uncle in the group enlightened her, saying that don't just think about the result when doing things, the focus is to focus on the present.
It's like playing Baduanjin, when you fight, you only focus on one move and one style.
After the fight, you will naturally find that your body and mind are slowly relaxed in the process. ”
Since waking up early to practice Baduanjin, Koala's life has begun to get on track.
Her routine became like this – going to bed at 11 p.m. and waking up at 6 a.m.
Even if she is now a part-time worker, she has not changed this routine of work and rest.
Because she found that learning the living habits of the elderly not only lengthened her day, but also made her life healthier.
"In that group, you will find that many elderly people have a very regular daily routine.
What time do you wake up, what time do you buy groceries, what time do you visit......
It seems that life is bland, but it can help us avoid a lot of anxiety and internal friction.
Because you don't get stuck in that uncertainty and insecurity, there's something to do at every time period, you're going to be in control. ”
Now, Koala brings that sense of regularity to work.
As a project manager, she has to work 10 hours a day with a lot of daily work.
But since going to bed early and waking up early, she has her own morning.
In addition to practicing Baduanjin, she sometimes cooks a hearty breakfast, listens to podcasts, and reads books, which makes her feel that every day is full and meaningful.
The rest of the time, she'll plan what she's going to do for the day — what time to meet, what time to make a plan, what time to track progress.
"Some elderly people are especially good at taking care of their mental strength and emotions, they have good living habits and pay attention to the sense of experience.
As a young person, I think these are all lessons to learn from.
This is a long-term process, and perhaps the benefits are not in the present, but in the future. ”
"Can you not tell me about the 400,000 I saved?
Because my grandmother said that you can make a fortune by being quiet. ”
During the interview with Knife, she joked with me that I was the first person to know about her deposits.
I was shocked and envious, after all, she deposited several times more than me.
Xiaodao, 28 years old this year, is a very typical "spiritual old man".
Friends describe her as having a wide range of hobbies, but most of them are "out of the stream"-
He plays Tai Chi, drinks tea, studies the Book of Changes, and enjoys making food and collecting tea sets.
But these hobbies, she persisted for a long time-
Tai Chi has been playing for 4 years, drinking tea for more than ten years, and the food he makes boasts of being able to enter the "New Oriental", and several sets of tea sets at home are enough to support the scene.
What I didn't expect was that she was able to save money, but it was purely an "accident":
"You may not believe it, but I didn't deliberately save money, but it just so happened that I had low material desires and didn't spend much money on hobbies.
The only thing I could spend on was buying a tea set, but I usually only buy one for a few years. ”
Xiaodao feels that his hobbies and consumption habits should be influenced by his grandmother.
She was brought up by her grandmother since she was a child, and in her opinion, her grandmother is a person with a very "sense of life":
"In the past, my grandmother would leave a fixed amount of living expenses every month after paying her salary, and save the rest.
She used to run a restaurant when she was young, and when she retired, she often made delicious food for her neighbors, who also liked to exchange other things with her. ”
Grandma's life philosophy has subtly influenced the knife.
From childhood to adulthood, she only bought what she needed and what was practical.
Try to cook by yourself, and save money regularly, and if you have a party or a birthday of relatives and friends, you will cook your own food for everyone, focusing on a heart.
Before she knew it, she had her own "little coffer".
"My grandmother often said that as long as you live comfortably, you don't need to be greedy.
Young people are under a lot of pressure, ordering takeout when eating, and revenge consumption, in fact, I can understand.
But I don't like this kind of life, and I'm even a little scared.
I prefer the slower-paced life of the elderly, the world is already very volatile, so I wanted to try to slow it down. ”
Nowadays, many people's sense of life is actually missing.
Some of the wisdom and experience of the elderly are indeed worth learning from, for example, they are good at finding the joy of living in the moment in the trivial daily life.
Many of their hobbies require a lot of time, but this long-term investment can make people feel inner peace and stability.
The knife's interpretation of the sense of life. Photo courtesy of the interviewee
Two years ago, on a whim, Tan Zi stayed with her friends in a Taoist temple in the mountains for four days.
Originally, she just wanted to escape from the city life for a while, but after returning to the city, the Taoist Temple became a place where she was haunted by her dreams.
Friends around me were also surprised to find that Tan Zi had "evolved" from a girl who stayed up late to become a spiritual old man.
"Before going to the Taoist temple, my attention was easily distracted by my mobile phone, and I often fell into a vicious cycle of "procrastination".
But after going to the Taoist temple, I couldn't check my phone often because I had to take morning classes, which invisibly reduced my dependence on my mobile phone and the Internet. ”
The scripture copying room of the Taoist temple. Photo courtesy of the interviewee
Tan Zi fell in love with Taoism from then on.
On holidays, she would go to different Taoist temples to visit or stay for a few days.
For mobile phones, she is no longer as dependent as she used to be -
The most exaggerated time, Tan Zi didn't look at her phone for a long time, so much so that she missed the invitation of her friend.
"My family and friends couldn't believe it, because I used to stay up late playing games and watching short videos like crazy, especially when I was unhappy.
Now I can put down my phone and go for other things. ”
She herself was thinking: why does this life make me feel more at ease?
Eventually, she came to this conclusion:
"In fact, many people don't realize that in the Internet age, we are consumed with all kinds of information every day.
A lot of invisible anxiety is actually brought by the outside world, and we must try to block these unnecessary people and things. ”
The life of the Taoist temple made Tan Zi discover:
After getting rid of fragmented entertainment, the more focused on the present, the stronger the sense of certainty in the heart.
For example, when she is copying scriptures, she only thinks about the scriptures in front of her, and does not think about some troubles;
When she eats fast, she no longer swipes her phone while eating, but only focuses on tasting the fresh vegetables and fragrant rice in the bowl-
Because her master said that every vegetable and meal in the Taoist temple is not easy to come by, and it is necessary to "cherish blessings" and eat every meal well.
Meals at Taoist temples. Photo courtesy of the interviewee
Over the years, Tan Zi has found that her spiritual internal friction has become less and less:
The emotions consumed by life and work are slowly repaired, and the inner fullness replaces the daily anxiety and internal friction.
Now, when she encounters troubles, she chooses to go for a run, read a book, or do a break and cleaning.
"I now feel that focusing on the present moment not only makes life more efficient, but also allows me to experience the immersion of flow and release psychological stress.
It's like shaking an oil lamp or a signature in the Tao, and the heart slowly calms down.
Although many of the people in the Taoist temple are elderly, I hope that some young people who are trapped by emotions will also come and experience it. ”
Taoist temple prayer scene. Photo courtesy of the interviewee
After interviewing these three "spiritual elders", I found a commonality in them:
Fear that your life is "out of control".
Koalas are afraid of disorder, so they want to have a regular life;
Xiaodao likes to live slowly, so he doesn't want to lose his rhythm of life in the era of involution;
Tan Zi doesn't want to fall into a vicious cycle of procrastination anymore, so she wants to focus on the present.
This kind of mentality of being afraid of life getting out of control actually hides a deep "sense of unease" inside.
Among these feelings of anxiety are anxiety and worry about the future, fear of not being able to control life, and longing for psychological stability.
After years of precipitation, the elderly have the characteristics of open-mindedness, orderliness, and peace, which are exactly what young people need.
Therefore, they want to get rid of the sense of anxiety by imitating the lifestyle of the elderly, so that they can get in touch with the feeling of "doing what they want without exceeding the rules" in advance.
Some people feel that "mentally elderly" is a "lying flat" behavior of young people to escape stress, and should not be encouraged.
I think this kind of behavior is a way for young people to "get back on their feet", and it should not be completely denied.
Under external pressure, some people choose to "lie flat", probably because of what psychology calls "learned helplessness" -
When a negative stimulus is exerted from the outside, if every attempt fails, lying flat may be a better option.
But more importantly, when the situation changes, your confidence can be restored.
So, in this case, it is necessary to reserve some "self-care":
Eat well, exercise more, go to bed early, and enjoy life in moderation without being too demanding.
So, how can we better live like a wise and peaceful old man?
Ichiro Kishimi, author of "The Courage to Be Hated", in his other book, "The Philosophy of Uneasiness", summarizes 3 of the most practical ways to combat insecurity:
1. Determine life goals and realize self-pursuit
Kishimi Ichiro also encountered a low point in his life, was coerced by the outside world, and fell into deep unease.
On the verge of collapse, he remembered his purpose in life -
Be a valuable author.
He believes that all the efforts he has put in are aimed at achieving this goal.
Then, all the obstacles encountered in the process are just NPCs, which are not worth mentioning.
Just like the game of leveling up and fighting monsters, these obstacles are just ordinary passers-by in the process, and their main quest is to grab the gold coins at the end of the line.
That is, to become a valuable author, so that you can ignore these obstacles at all and focus on moving towards your goals in life.
In this way, he not only walked out of the haze of uneasiness, but also successfully realized his pursuit of self.
2. Focusing on the present moment is the key to getting rid of anxiety
Many readers have consulted Ichiro Kishimi:
"I am worried about the future, how can I make that worry go away?"
His answer was only one sentence:
"Don't think about the future, look at what's in front of you."
Just like Tan Zi, who loves Taoism, when copying scriptures, he focuses on copying scriptures, and when he is upset, he does something he likes to let himself enter the flow.
When you focus on the present moment and spend your energy on the things in the moment, you will find that the uneasiness in your heart will gradually disappear.
3. Mobilize inner strength and strengthen mental strength
There's a term in psychology called "catastrophic thinking."
People with catastrophic thinking tend to think about things in the worst way, and even make up for the worst in their minds, which eventually leads to serious panic and helplessness.
For example, if you don't do a good job at all, you feel that you are about to be fired; If your partner doesn't reply to messages for an hour, she feels that the other person doesn't love you anymore......
The root cause of catastrophic thinking is excessive pessimism due to too weak mental strength.
Therefore, we need to consciously train our minds to think in a positive direction.
If you don't do a good job, then allow yourself to be imperfect and improve next time;
The other half didn't reply to the message in time, either he was busy doing things, or he was honest with the other party about his dissatisfaction.
With the mindset of "as long as the earth doesn't explode, I'm not finished", you can live each day calmly.
From "questioning the elderly", to "understanding the elderly", to "becoming an elderly".
I believe that young people live like old people, which is actually a way for them to achieve self-consistency.
They need a stable kernel to support an uncertain future.
Therefore, learn to be like the elderly, focus on the present moment and enjoy life.
But no matter what lifestyle you choose, what's right for you is good.
Don't care too much about other people's eyes, and concentrate on living your day.